


Maude Adams Lane

by FadedSparks



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Minor Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 16:03:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 61,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1045818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FadedSparks/pseuds/FadedSparks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Over the course of one summer seventeen year old Jared Padalecki learned what it meant to love someone with his whole heart and soul, and he believed it was the kind of relationship that would last forever. But when the summer came to a close the miles placed between them slowly separated them. Will these two lovers find their way back to one another, even though ten years have come to pass?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the spn_j2_bigbang 2009, back when I had a different username. Big thanks to kazminka on lj, who did a fantasic beta job, and extra thanks to lenyia on lj who made some beautiful art pieces to go along with my story.

-~*~-  
 **Part One**  
-~*~-

  
April 14, 2008

For all intents and purposes Jared shouldn’t be awake at this ungodly hour and he has been doing nothing but curse Chad’s very existence for calling so early this morning and forcing him to get out of bed. Jared is technically a morning person but even he has his limits. Waking up at four in the morning is one of them.

Lethargy still has him under its spell as he makes his way out of his bedroom, clad in just a pair of baggy pajama pants and socks. He makes his way into the kitchen where the coffee pot is still brewing the coffee he added to it when he first woke up and takes a seat at the kitchen table to wait.

A yawn is pulled out of him as he sits there trying his damnedest to wake up. He got to bed pretty late last night and now his body and mind is rebelling against him, refusing to wake up no matter what he tries. Even the rich aroma of coffee filling the kitchen doesn’t energize him in the slightest.

Absentmindedly, he scratches the back of his neck, rising when the coffee is done and pouring some into a cup, adding in some cream and a ton of sugar. Leaning his hip against the counter, he inhales the coffee in his hands, grinning at the pleasing scent, before carefully taking a sip.

He glances up at the clock as the coffee gradually cools and sees it is half past four in the morning, giving him a half hour to get ready and stop by Chad’s place to pick him up. _The things I do for my best friend_ , he grumbles in his mind as he finishes off his coffee and places the cup in the sink to be washed later.

Chad had called this morning freaking out because he had a major blow out with Sophia, his on again off again girlfriend, and she had taken off in a fit of anger. This isn’t anything new; every few months they get into these arguments and Sophia breaks it off with Chad. Jared honestly doesn’t know why Chad is freaking out so much, Sophia will take him back once she’s had the chance to cool down, she always does. But Chad doesn’t seem to think so and now here Jared is, partly awake way before he’d like to be, getting ready to pick up his friend and take him over to Sophia’s house so he can beg on his knees for her to take him back.

 _It’s a never ending cycle with those two_ , he thinks with a roll of his eyes. _Wish they’d either work out their damn problems already or just end it for good, I’m tired of being brought into the middle of it._

Sluggishly he makes his way back into the bedroom, taking in the sight of the naked man sleeping in his bed, the top sheet covering his ass while his legs are exposed to the chilly air of the room. Justin’s hair is an unruly mess in his sleep, disarray of blonde strands sticking up on the side of his head where his face is smashed into his pillow. The man looks very content and peaceful and Jared just doesn’t have the heart to wake him yet, figuring that at least one of them deserves to sleep this morning.

He met Justin Hartley the day he started working at Applebee’s and they just clicked instantly. Justin has become one of Jared’s closest friends, Jared would even say he is his best friend, second in line to Chad of course. Jared enjoys Justin’s company, the man knows how to make Jared laugh when he is having one of the worst days and it is those times he’s most grateful to have Justin in his life. He has a lot of fun with the blonde.

They didn’t have the relationship they have today until a few months ago, going from just platonic friends to friends with benefits. This is something Jared never thought he would ever do in his life - sleep with one of his closest friends but not actually be in a relationship with said friend - but oddly enough this arrangement works for the both of them.

Jared isn’t all too sure how much longer they can do this; every time they fall into bed with each other they take a risk. Jared doesn’t honestly think they will develop any kind of feelings for each other, but there is still a risk it could happen, and he really doesn’t want this to ruin the friendship they have managed to build. For now this works for them, but he isn’t going to fool himself into thinking it will always be this way.

Justin is eventually going to want to be in a committed relationship, which is something he greatly deserves. He only comes to Jared because of his unrequited love for their mutual friend, Tom Welling, and Jared is more than happy to sate his need when it arises. Jared on the other hand doesn’t want to be in a relationship; he has only been in love once and no one comes close to the man he still keeps locked in his heart. He only goes to Justin when he needs a little release.

In a way they are using each other, but they both are aware of it, so it is mostly okay. It won’t last forever, neither of them are foolish enough to think it will, but it is nice to have someone to go to with no strings attached, at least for now. Jared really hopes Justin finds someone and moves on from Tom because he deserves to be happy and Jared hates seeing him pine for somebody that doesn’t even give him a second glance.

Forcing his eyes away from the slumbering blonde, Jared crosses the room and opens the door of his closet. He pulls out a pair of faded blue jeans and a beige button down shirt before grabbing a pair of boxers and socks from the top drawer of his dresser. Silently, he exits the bedroom, careful not to wake Justin, and quietly shuts the bathroom door behind him.

Showering only takes him ten minutes and then he is leaving the room in a cloud of steam. Feeling much more awake and energetic he heads into his room and kneels at Justin’s side, taking in the peaceful expression on the man’s face. The blonde lets out a low groan when Jared reaches out and gives his shoulder a slight shake, trying to wake him.

“Go away, too early,” Justin mumbles into the pillow, attempting to blindly swat Jared’s hand away.

“Hey, Chad called earlier, so I need to leave and help him out,” Jared says, making sure he has Justin’s attention.

“He having problems with Sophia again?” Justin asks in a sleep rough voice as he cracks an eye open to regard Jared.

“Yeah, he probably just needs me to drop him off at her house. Worse case scenario, she doesn’t take him back right away and I get stuck with his whiny ass for most of the day,” Jared says, making Justin chuckle slightly as he nods his head at the truth of that statement. “If I’m not back by the time you wake up though, just make sure to lock up before you leave.”

“Alright, no problem. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m gonna go back to sleep.”

Jared watches in half amusement and half longing as Justin covers his bare body with the sheet and slowly drifts off to sleep once more. Jared would like nothing more than to lie back down and join Justin in sleep but he knows that isn’t an option so, reluctantly, he rises to his feet and quietly leaves the room.

Grabbing his jacket and keys on his way out of the apartment, Jared takes off down the hall and decides to take the stairs rather than wait for the elevator - he only lives on the second floor after all. He reaches his Ford F-150 a few minutes later, turns off the alarm and climbs inside, escaping the early morning chill.

Chad’s place is only a fifteen minute drive away and in seemingly no time at all Jared is pulling into the driveway. Chad, who was waiting just outside his house, climbs inside once Jared leans across the seat and unlocks the door for him. Jared may be awake now, compared to earlier, but he is still quite tired so he sends Chad a glare to show how annoyed he is.

“What’d you do to piss her off this time?” Jared asks as he backs out of the driveway and onto the street once more.

“What gives you the idea it was something I did?” Chad asks petulantly, all the while fighting to put his seat belt on, growling when he can’t get it to pull out far enough to snap it in place across his chest.

Jared gives his friend a ‘don’t bullshit me’ expression before rolling his eyes. “Dude, when is it ever not your fault? Besides, you called me freaking out, and if it’d been her that fucked up you would have been pissed, not freaked out thinking she’s gonna leave you. So, do you want to try this again? What’d you do this time?”

Chad lets out a sigh, finally getting his seat belt to cooperate, and slouches down in his seat. “It doesn’t really matter what I did, just that I fucked up and need to make it right,” he says softly while gazing out the passenger side window. “I appreciate you picking me up like this, again. I really need to get a car of my own.”

“Yes you do, ‘cause there’s no way in hell I’m getting out of bed at four in the morning for you again,” Jared says half serious but kind of concerned by how downtrodden his friend looks. “Don’t worry man, I’ll get you to her house soon enough and you can beg on your knees if you have to.”

Chad looks back at Jared with a guilty and apprehensive expression on his face, giving Jared a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knows that expression can mean nothing good, and it is likely bad news for _him_ , so he finds himself reluctant to find out what surprise Chad has in store for him this time.

Glancing between his friend and the road Jared tightens his hands on the steering wheel and bites his inner cheek, mentally counting down from ten, waiting for Chad to drop whatever bomb he has for him.

“Dude, what is it?” Jared asks when the continued silence becomes too much for him to bear. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Um…” Chad shifts in his seat, looking uncomfortable. “Sophia isn’t at her house.”

Jared glances at his friend, trying to discern where he is going with this. “Okay, then where is she?”

“She uh, she went to stay at her parents’ house… in Richardson,” Chad tells him quietly, visibly bracing himself for Jared’s outburst.

Jared’s eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets as he stares at his friend in obvious disbelief. “That’s a six hour drive from here, give or take. You expect me to drive you all the way to Richardson so you can make up with Sophia? You really had to have pissed her off this time to send her running off to her parents place.”

“Look, I know it’s really shitty of me to ask you to drive all that way, but I’m begging you man. I’d have loved it if she had stayed here in San Antone, but she didn’t, which means I don’t know if we’ll be able to work things out this time. She’s never run off to her parents before, and it kills me that she had to get _that_ far away from me, but I _have_ to try to make this right,” Chad says in a pleading tone of voice, trying to give Jared the puppy eyes, but it just looks strange on him. “Any time you need a favor just say the word, but please take me to Richardson, Jay. I’ll do whatever you want me to if you just drive me there, please.”

“Alright!” Jared raises his voice to get Chad to shut up, tired of hearing his pleas, especially since he had already decided he’d take him to Richardson. “I’ll drive you there, just shut up already! And we’re stopping at Starbucks on our way out of town, I’m gonna need it if I’m supposed to drive for the next six hours or so.”

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
The sun is high in the sky by the time they reach the Richardson city limits and Jared’s body is starting to ache from driving for so long. Chad is restless in his seat, practically vibrating with anticipation, when they pull up in front of the beige and white house that Sophia’s parents live in. The truck has barely come to a complete stop when Chad thrusts open his door and scrambles out.

Jared steps out of the truck once it is in park, not planning to stay long, just needing to stretch his legs, and watches as Chad pounds on the front door, yelling Sophia’s name at the top of his lungs. All Jared can think is that this will piss Sophia off more, but he doesn’t want to get in the middle of this so he stands back and watches his friend make an ass out of himself. It’s not like anything Jared could say would make Chad see reason anyway so he isn’t even going to try, it would be pointless right now.

The front door opens a moment later and a red faced Sophia steps outside, slamming the door behind her. Sophia is yelling now, calling Chad every name in the book, while Chad is all but crawling on his knees begging her to give him another chance. Jared tunes them out at some point, figuring his own thoughts are better than listening to them argue.

As he stands there he makes a mental list of all the things he needs to do when he gets back home, although he can’t be sure at this point when that will be. He has today and tomorrow off from work so he figures he can get some of the things done that he has been putting off. His house really needs to be cleaned, it’s been a while since he’s vacuumed or mopped at all, and there are a few errands he needs to run, not to mention his fridge is looking pretty bare these days.

Reaching through his open window, he turns the car key far enough to turn on the radio but not start the engine, using some country music to muffle the sounds of the two people a few feet away from him. He listens to the relaxing sounds of Tim McGraw, leaning against his truck, staring up into the wide blue sky.

His mind wanders for a while, not staying on one particular thought for too long, waiting slightly impatiently for Chad to let him know if they can go yet or if Jared can head back to San Antonio. He can’t be sure how much time slides by before Chad slowly makes his way over to him, Sophia standing at the front door of her parents’ house, watching silently.

“So, what’s the verdict?” Jared asks as soon as Chad is within hearing distance. “You guys patch things up between you? Can I go home now?”

“She agreed to talk things over with me, give me time to explain a few things, but there’s no guarantee she’ll be heading back with me,” Chad says with a heavy sigh before looking at Jared with hopeful eyes. “I know it’s a lot to ask but can you stick around for just a bit longer? I’m gonna need a ride back if she decides she doesn’t want to come back yet, or we can’t work things out this time. I’ll make sure to give you a call as soon as I figure things out, and I won’t leave you waiting too long man, I promise.”

Deep down Jared had kind of been expecting this but hearing the words still forces a sigh out of him. He can’t deny that he will be waiting around for Chad though, there’s no way he could live with himself if he stranded his best friend here. Chad may be a jerk at times but he has never done Jared wrong.

“Alright fine, just give me a call the moment you know what you’re gonna do. I don’t want to get back home too late, it’s my day off dude,” Jared tells him firmly and rolls his eyes fondly when Chad practically beams back at him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t leave ya waiting long man, and I’ll call you the second I know what I’m doing,” Chad reassures him and then is running back up the driveway, following an unhappy looking Sophia into the house.

Jared climbs back into his truck, sitting there silently for a moment, contemplating what to do while he waits for Chad’s call. _Grandpa’s old ranch isn’t that far from here_ , he notes silently as he looks at the street sign a few feet away from where he’s parked. His grandpa died a few years ago, leaving the ranch to Jared’s dad. No one lives there anymore but his dad didn’t have the heart to sell it. Jared can remember many a summer spent there, but one summer in particular is at the forefront of his mind. When he thinks about the time spent at that ranch he always remembers the summer when he was seventeen years old.

Decision made, Jared starts the truck and pulls away from the curb. Jared always returns to the old ranch, he stops by once a year even now that his grandpa has passed. The place holds so many memories, good and bad, and Jared has always taken the time to stop by and just relive them so to speak. He hasn’t been there this year though, and since he has some time to kill, he figures now would be a good time to stop by.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared pulls his truck onto the old dirt road of Maude Adams Lane, his grandpa’s ranch looming in the distance. He stops the vehicle in front of the old barn and steps out, breathing in the warm air while glancing around him, almost wistfully. The place is worn down now; the fields have become overgrown with no one there to take care of them and the paint on the house is weathered and chipping away.

The windows and doors of the ranch house are boarded up to keep anyone from breaking in, but the barn doesn’t have a padlock on it so Jared heads in that direction. He can remember many nights spent in this very barn; well past midnight he could be found in here, the smell of hay and horses all around him. The horses are gone now of course, but there’s still a faint smell that Jared knows will be gone within the year or so.

A melancholy feeling settles over him as he enters the barn and looks around. It’s the same barn he remembers, the same loft he spent so much time in, but all life has left the old barn and it is now unkempt. The air in the barn is musty now as well, nothing like it used to be when the doors were open to let fresh air in.

The state of the ranch always makes Jared feel sad, seeing it so run down feels wrong to him, and it is almost like he can feel the time he spent here slipping further and further away from his reach. The feeling is worse this year though, because it is looking more barren now than it ever has. _We shouldn’t have let it get like this_ , he thinks despairingly as he lowers himself down onto the chair placed just inside the barn doors.

He really hates seeing this once lively place looking like this, it makes his heart ache in his chest. He still loves this ranch, it has a special place in his heart and so many precious memories were created here. Seeing the place unloved feels like part of his past is dying and withering away. It just kills him every time he comes back here and he wishes there was something he could do.

Every fiber of his being is telling him that he should talk to his dad and tell him that he wants to run the ranch, wants to fix it up and turn it into what it once was. He knows where they took the horses, he could get them back if he wanted to. He knows where to buy the hay and horse supplies and everything one would need on a horse ranch. Jared has spent enough time on this ranch to know how to run it, but one problem arises: he can’t run it on his own.

It would also mean that he would have to leave San Antonio and move down here to Richardson, which could prove troublesome seeing as he wouldn’t have enough money to run this place on his own. He would need a job, a well paying one at that, and that wouldn’t be the easiest thing for him to come by, not right away at least.

He realizes a lot of planning has to go into this if he actually decides to consider it, but the main thing is he can’t afford to run this place on his own; he needs man power, and he isn’t sure how he would do that. He highly doubts he can talk Chad into moving down here with him, and he doesn’t have many friends who he’s close enough to that might even consider his idea. He is kind of alone and that disheartens him because fixing up this ranch is something he finds he would really like to do.

He realizes how crazy this sounds, how spontaneous this is. It is kind of crazy to want to do this because of memories he can’t let go of - this would change his whole life around after all - but the memories this place hold for him aren’t the only things spurring him on. He was very close to his grandpa when he was alive, and Jared knows how much this ranch meant to him. He hates to see something his grandpa loved so much slowly rot away until it has to be condemned. No, Jared just cannot let that happen, he refuses.

 _But how am I gonna do this without help?_ he silently questions, feeling helpless and desperate.

Jared stands up and moves to the entrance of the barn, wrapping his arms around his middle as he stares out across the fields with distant eyes, reliving a past that seems so tangible he could almost reach out and touch it, can feel every emotion he felt way back then.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
June 17th, 1998

Bright sunlight spills in through a crack in the curtains, streaking across Jared’s face, directly into his eyes. The slight warmth draws him out of his dreams, forcing him to turn his head away when he opens his eyes and is nearly blinded. Cursing softly under his breath he lies there for a moment longer, limbs limp with sleep, making him snug and cozy on the mattress, blanket twisted around his legs like a web.

A glance at the clock on the nightstand by the bed tells him it is eight o’clock in the morning and while he is content to just lay there he knows his grandpa will come barging in any minute now, demanding that he wake up and join the land of the living. Grandpa Ray has always been this way, for as long as Jared can remember, and while he would like nothing more than to sleep in during his summer break, he knows that isn’t about to happen. He isn’t going to complain though; he is used to the routine by now after spending many a summer here, and for the most part he is a morning person anyway.

Dragging his tired body out of bed, he makes a quick stop in the bathroom before heading downstairs. Grandpa Ray is sitting at the kitchen table when Jared enters, morning paper and cup of coffee in hand, appearing far more awake than Jared currently feels. He still manages to greet his grandpa with a smile however, as he makes a beeline for the fridge.

Pulling out the orange juice, he pours some into a glass and joins his grandpa at the table, slouching down into one of the chairs as he stifles a yawn with the back of his hand. His grandpa watches on in amusement before sliding the funnies over to Jared, knowing he likes to read them over all else. Jared smiles his gratitude and they fall into a companionable silence as they each read their sections of the paper.

Many minutes pass before Grandpa Ray closes the paper and lays it down on the table. “So, how did you sleep?”

“Really good actually, I’d almost forgotten how comfortable the mattress in the guestroom was.”

“Now none of this guestroom nonsense, that room is yours and you know it,” Grandpa rebukes him with a little smile, which Jared reciprocates with a toothy one of his own. “You got in pretty late last night. I figured you’d be pretty tired after a six hour drive with that worrisome mother of yours so I was gonna let you sleep in this morning.”

Jared groans when he hears this. “You mean to tell me I could’ve slept in and I got up early for no reason?”

His grandpa just smiles in amusement but he doesn’t bother to respond and Jared figures it isn’t really needed anyway. He is waking up more and more now and he finds that he doesn’t mind not sleeping in. It isn’t something he really does often anyway, and on the off chance that he does, he usually feels crappy afterwards. Besides, he is on his grandpa’s ranch, meaning there is a beautiful mare by the name of Sidney waiting for him to come see her.

Skipping breakfast for the time being, Jared finishes off his juice and then rushes up the stairs two at a time to get dressed. Pulling out the first pair of jeans he finds in his duffle bag, he slips them on over his boxers and then changes into a wife beater and a white and grey plaid shirt. Deciding he is presentable enough, he heads back downstairs and calls out to his grandpa, letting him know he is heading outside.

The sun is shining brightly in an otherwise cloudless sky when he steps out onto the ranch house porch and takes a deep breath of fresh air, the scent of hay and horses and grass filling his senses. It is a beautiful day and Jared plans to take full advantage of it.

As he stands there, leaning against the railing of the wrap around porch, he makes a silent list of things he intends to do today. For starters he is going to see his horse, the one Grandpa Ray gave to him for his thirteenth birthday. His parents didn’t have anywhere to keep a horse though, so his grandpa said he’d keep Sidney at the ranch and that Jared could come see her anytime he wanted. Jared is very fond of that horse and she is one of the reasons he makes sure to come stay here every summer.

Then he is going to see if Grandpa Ray will let him take the truck into town to get some breakfast at the local diner, the one he has been going to since he was a kid, where everyone knows him. They make the best pancakes and Belgian waffles around; Jared dares anyone to say any different.

After that he figures he will drive over to the Coffee House to see Sandy and he just hopes she is working today. He knows where she lives though, if today happens to be her day off. He has known her since she was in pigtails and lacy dresses and they have been the best of friends since they were eight. He always tries to spend as much time with her as he can when he is in town. In a lot of ways he is closer to her than he is to Chad, and she is the only person he has trusted enough to confide in that he’s gay.

Later, when he is finished catching up with his friend, he will see if his grandpa needs any help around the ranch. _Before it gets too dark I’d really like to ride Sidney too_ , he thinks to himself with a nod of his head. Pleased that he has his day all planned out, he steps off the porch and heads to the barn with a bounce in his step, a wide grin spreading across his face. _This is gonna be a good day_ , he can’t help thinking to himself; he is in such a good mood he’s practically beaming.

He stops short when he reaches the barn doors however, because there is a guy standing by Lightning’s stall who Jared has never seen before. The guy has his back to him, and Jared can’t help but notice the way that the wife beater he is wearing stretches across the expanse of his back like a second skin. Jared finds himself unable to tear his eyes away; they have a mind of their own as they trail over the guy’s body and Jared hopes and prays he doesn’t turn around.

Just from the back of his body Jared can tell the guy has some muscle but not overly so, and his legs are bowed like he has spent an entire day on the back of a horse and his body isn’t used to it. Something coils and tightens in the pit of Jared’s stomach, hot and tingly, when the guy bends slightly to pick up a pail. The faded blue jeans upon his hips cling to his ass, drawing Jared’s attention near immediately, and he has to bite his lip when the wife beater rides up a little, showcasing a sliver of tanned flesh on his lower back.

The guy turns around with the pail clutched loosely in his right hand and nearly jumps a mile into the air when he sees Jared, breathing rough and uneven as he stares at Jared with wide eyes the color of emeralds. Jared smiles sheepishly, toeing the dirt self-consciously as he fights the urge to fidget; for some reason he doesn’t want to look like some idiot in front of this really, _really_ hot guy.

“Sorry about that, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you or anything,” Jared manages to say after a shaky intake of air.

“No, it’s alright, I just wasn’t expecting anyone to be standing there,” The guy responds with a soft chuckle, a radiant smile pulling at his lips, making the corners of his eyes crinkle. “You must be Jared, right?”

“Uh… yeah?” For the life of him Jared can’t say why that came out sounding like a question; it is as though all his higher brain function has abandoned him and is in turn making him act like a bumbling idiot.

“Ray’s told me a lot about you,” the guy explains, running a hand through his sandy blonde hair. “You’re all he can seem to talk about.”

“All good things I hope,” Jared laughs a bit uncomfortably. He is close to his grandpa, thinks he is the greatest man that has ever lived, but he is a little worried about what has been said to this guy. Jared hopes he hasn’t told him any embarrassing stories, because God knows he has a ton of them.

“He only has great things to say, he thinks very highly of you,” the guy responds with a grin before holding out his hand. “I’m Jensen, by the way.”

Jared takes Jensen’s warm hand into his own, pleased to have a name to refer to the guy with. “It’s nice to meet you Jensen.” He drawls out the name, testing it out and quickly deciding he likes the way it rolls off his tongue.

“Likewise,” Jensen says softly and then releases his hand, Jared feeling strangely disappointed when he loses the warmth of Jensen’s palm in his own. He mentally shrugs it off and steps around Jensen, moving to Sidney’s stall.

His white and beige mare nuzzles into his hand when he reaches out to caress her, running his hand down her mane. Jensen stands off to the side, silently watching Jared interact with his horse, a soft smile on his face and a warm look in his eyes. Jared doesn’t mind the audience, just grins broadly before turning his head away shyly.

Silence stretches out between them as Jensen steps away and moves on from Lightning to begin cleaning Thunder’s stall. Jared watches him quietly, secretly enjoying the way the muscles in his back and arms flex. The guy is simply gorgeous, there is no other way to put it, and Jared is eager to get to know him a little better. _Please, oh please let him be gay, or bi at the very least_ , he pleads in silence as his eyes track Jensen’s every move.

He briefly wonders if he will eventually make Jensen uncomfortable with all the staring he is doing, and he knows he should probably leave the poor guy alone so he can get his work done, but he finds himself reluctant to leave. _I wonder if he’d be interested in getting breakfast with me_ , he contemplates, feeling nervous anticipation coursing through his system.

“So, um, I was wondering… have you eaten breakfast yet? I was thinking about asking my grandpa for the keys to the truck and going to Molly’s Diner for some pancakes. Would you be interested in coming with me?” Jared asks and then waits with bated breath for Jensen’s answer, a little worried he will say no.

Jensen’s response is an immediate grin and a nod of his head. “Yeah that sounds awesome, I’m starving,” he says with a soft laugh. “Just let me finish cleaning up Thunder’s stall and then we can hit the road.”

“Great,” Jared tries not to sound too excited as he starts to back out of the barn. “I’ll just go get the keys and wait out by the truck for you.”

Jared runs to the house as soon as he is out of sight, a bright and beaming smile on his face the whole way. This day is certainly turning out better than he could ever have hoped it would.


	2. Chapter 2

-~*~-  
 **Part Two**  
-~*~-

  
June 17th, 1998

The drive to Molly’s diner takes no more than ten, fifteen minutes tops, but it feels much longer to Jared because being in such close proximity to Jensen does strange things to him. Feeling his body heat has Jared’s stomach tying up in knots, only in a good way. It’s safe to say when they finally reach the diner, Jared is equally glad and disappointed to climb out of the cab of the truck.

Pushing these feelings away and calling himself foolish for them in the first place, he heads into the diner with Jensen close behind. Jared smiles from ear to ear the moment they enter the quaint little diner and he spots Lauren standing behind the counter. He has known her for many years and is as close to her as he is his own mother. She is just a very friendly woman who always has a smile ready for Jared and she always makes sure to add an extra pancake or Belgian waffle to his order because she knows he loves them so much.

He can literally sit at the front counter for hours on end just talking to her in between the time she waits the tables. She always has a story to tell him, a new joke she has heard, and she tends to be a bit of a gossiper. That is what he loves so much about her though, she is just genuinely happy, seemingly all the time, and Jared enjoys surrounding himself with those types of people.

Jared has no plans of sitting at the counter today though, instead he leads Jensen to one of the booths, a few feet away from the entrance, and drops down onto one of the seats, sliding his body until he is in the center. Jensen follows his movements on the other side of the booth and a moment later Lauren is heading their way with two menus in hand. She places them down on the table and pulls out her order pad from the pocket of her apron.

“Glad to see you made it into town alright, this place just isn’t the same when you’re not around,” she says with a friendly smile and a wink, pulling the pen out from behind her ear. “Which of your usuals do you want today?”

Jared takes a moment to contemplate this, judging his appetite. “A plate of Belgian waffles sounds good, I’ll have that.”

Lauren gives a slight nod of her head as she writes down his order and then turns her attention to Jensen. “What about you hon?”

Jensen gives her his order of bacon and eggs before they tell her what they would like to drink and then she leaves them with a promise to return swiftly. Jared watches her go before turning his attention solely to Jensen, the rest of the diner falling into the background.

Jared tries his best not to stare - the last thing he wants is to make Jensen feel uncomfortable in any way - but it is a hard thing to do with the sun streaking across Jensen’s face, making his already bright green eyes look even brighter. _Definitely pleasing to the eye_ , he thinks to himself with a growing smile.

“So, how long have you been working for my grandpa?” Jared asks to get a conversation going, though he is honestly curious.

“For only a little over a month,” Jensen replies as he crosses his arms over the table and leans on them slightly, giving Jared his full attention. “I’m only gonna be working for him through the summer. I just needed a summer job until college starts in the fall, kinda need a little extra money.”

Lauren chooses that moment to bring them their drinks and Jared waits until she walks away before resuming their conversation. “What are you gonna be studying?” he asks before taking a sip of his Coke, sucking the straw between his lips, a giddy feeling washing over him when Jensen’s eyes track the movement.

“I want to be a chef, so I’m going through all the necessary classes for it,” Jensen says after clearing his throat and tearing his eyes away from Jared’s mouth. “I’d really like to open my own restaurant one day, but we’ll see if that ever happens. I’d settle with just working at a restaurant if I have to.”

“You have a passion for food, huh?” Jared asks with true interest, becoming more and more intrigued by Jensen. He has a strange desire to get to know everything about the guy. He has never been so interested in someone before, especially someone he just met, but Jensen seems like someone he would like to get to know and he can see them being friends, if nothing else.

“I’ve had an interest in cooking since the day my mom let me help her in the kitchen when I was eleven,” Jensen responds with a soft chuckle, eyes shining, smile bright. “I also like to bake, and I’ve been told I’m pretty good at it, so I might be interested in that field if becoming a chef doesn’t pan out.”

Jared’s eyes light up at this and he is practically bouncing in his seat when he asks, “Do you bake brownies and cakes and cookies?”

Jensen’s eyes are filled with amusement when he nods his head, gaze never leaving Jared. “Yeah I know how to make all of those, my mom taught me before I was even a teenager. I guess I knew pretty early on what I wanted to do with my life.”

It is no secret that Jared loves his sweets, but home baked goods are his all time favorite, especially a warm brownie straight from the oven. His mom is a pretty damn fine cook if he says so himself, but when it comes to baking, let’s just say it’s not her forte. Her brownies always come out hard as rocks and her cakes are dry, hard to swallow. Right now he is wondering if he can talk Jensen into baking something before the summer is over; he is sure his grandpa won’t have any problem with it.

“Maybe I can get you to bake something while we’re here,” Jared says, trying to be nonchalant about it but not quite sure if he has managed. “Can’t let you run off to some fancy college without letting me try one of your baked goods first.”

Jensen just smiles softly, eyes shining, so Jared takes that as a yes.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared drops Jensen off at the ranch after they finish with their breakfast and then he heads back into town to see if Sandy is working today. He would have liked to have brought Jensen with him to meet Sandy - he wanted to spend more time with Jensen period - but the green eyed man refused with a look of regret on his face. He still had work to do in the barn but he asked for a rain check and Jared is more than happy to hold him to it.

He understands why Jensen had to refuse though, he still has work to do and he’s being paid to do it, so Jared doesn’t want to cause a problem by taking up all his time. Grandpa Ray is a fair guy, a very friendly person, but he is also firm with his hired help and won’t pay anyone if they don’t get their job done. Jared can understand that, but that doesn’t mean he is happy about it, even if he had the whole summer to spend with Jensen getting to know him.

Pulling into the parking lot of the Coffee House, Jared shuts off the engine and climbs out of the truck. The place is bustling with people when he steps inside, which is a regular occurrence. This is a particular hot spot in Richardson; everyone loves the coffee here, so it is expected to be busy most hours of the day.

His first glance around the establishment is fruitless, Sandy is nowhere in sight, and Jared is beginning to think this is one of her days off. He spots Katie behind the counter, serving a customer, and figures he could ask her where Sandy is, just to be sure. He really doesn’t want to drive all the way out to Sandy’s house only to find out she isn’t there. Plus she’s really good friends with Katie, so if anyone would know where Sandy is at, it would be her.

Before he has the chance to make his way through the crowd though, he sees Sandy appear out of the back room with a sandwich in her hand. The moment she catches sight of Jared her sandwich is discarded on the nearest table and she rushes into his awaiting arms, practically wrapping her petite body around him.

“How the hell have you been?” she asks as she untangles herself from around him, smiling wide and bright, tilting her head back to look up at him.

“I’ve been good, real good actually,” he answers as he follows her over to the table she threw her sandwich down onto. “I just got in last night and I knew you’d kill me if I didn’t come see you on my first day here.”

“If you didn’t come see me I’d begin to think I was unloved and I know you wouldn’t want that,” she responds with a mischievous grin as she tears off the wrapper on her sandwich.

“How long is your lunch break?” Jared asks as he leads her over to a table in a corner, away from everyone else so they have a little privacy to talk and catch up on each other’s lives.

“Only a half hour but I have tomorrow off so we’ll have to get together. We’ll have more time to hang out and catch up then.” Sandy pulls her brown hair behind her ear, leaning forward on her elbows, biting into her sandwich.

“So, tell me, what’s new with you?” Jared asks, smiling at the content expression on his friend’s face.

“Nothing worth talking about or anything you haven’t already heard already,” she responds with a shrug.

“Don’t listen to her, she’s not being completely honest with you,” Katie says, appearing at their table suddenly with a caramel latte in hand that she places in front of Jared before pulling up a chair and dropping down, straddling the chair. Jared smiles gratefully for the coffee, sipping at it carefully while Sandy glares at Katie.

“Shut up Katie, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sandy tells her, shaking her head and turning her face away from Jared so that he can’t see her eyes, which he has always been able to read so clearly.

“I don’t, huh?” Katie asks with an expression that suggests otherwise, raising an eyebrow at Jared, fueling the curiosity that is growing like a wild fire inside of him. “So there’s nothing going on between--”

“Don’t you have work to do?” Sandy quickly interrupts, raising her voice to speak over Katie.

Katie abruptly stops speaking, a smirk forming on her lips as she raises her hands in a sign of surrender. “I guess I should get back to the customers,” she says as she stands and steps away from the table, replacing the chair where she found it. “It was good seeing you again Jared, don’t be a stranger.”

Jared nods as Katie heads back to work before turning to Sandy, raising his eyebrows in silent question. Sandy rolls her eyes but she doesn’t offer to explain, instead she turns her face away and pretends the previous conversation didn’t happen.

“So, don’t think I haven’t noticed that dreamy expression you’ve been sporting. Mind telling me what’s got you looking so happy?” she asks with a quirked eyebrow, a grin playing on her lips.

“No way, you are not getting out of this that easily!” Jared tells her in a firm and serious tone of voice. “I’ll tell you all about what has put a smile on my face if you tell me what Katie was talking about. Come on, I tell you everything that is going on in my life, so why are you holding out on me? Why don’t you want me to know?”

Sandy lets out a heavy sigh, placing her sandwich on the table and leveling her stare on him. “It’s not that I don’t want you to know, okay? It’s just that I don’t know where this is going yet, if anywhere, and I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it. But if you really must know, I met someone a couple of weeks ago.”

“You met someone, huh? Well? Tell me all about him,” Jared says, clearly intrigued. “Where did you meet him?”

“He came in for a coffee a couple of weeks back and we talked for a while. We got along really well, we had similar interests, and he really seemed to like me. He gave me his number before he left so we’ve been talking on the phone a couple of nights a week. We haven’t gone on a date or anything, haven’t even talked about going on one, but the way he looked at me and from the tone of his voice I think it’s safe to assume that he’s interested. But, like I said, I don’t really know if this is going anywhere so I haven’t really talked about it.”

Jared nods his head in understanding but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to know all about the guy that has his best friend looking so flustered. “What’s he like? What’s he do and what’s his name?”

Sandy lets out another sigh. “Too many questions at once Jared,” she says with a glare, but a smile is pulling at her lips, so Jared knows she isn’t really upset or anything. “His name is Chris and he’s a musician. In fact, he’s got a show coming up in a week and he invited me to come see his band play. I’m thinking about going.”

“If you like this guy so much then you should definitely go,” Jared tells her matter-of-factly, looking at her like she is crazy for even considering not going.

Sandy rolls her eyes, doing her best to hide the smile on her face. “Alright, I told you all about the guy I met, now your end of the deal… what’s got you so happy?”

“Kind of along the same lines of what has you so happy, actually,” Jared says with a nonchalant shrug, trying not to look so eager because, like Sandy, he has no idea if anything will come from his attraction. “I met a guy this morning, he’s working on grandpa’s farm.”

“Uh huh, tell me more,” she says as she snags his caramel latte and takes a drink, looking at him expectantly.

“His name is Jensen and I… I dunno, I just really like him. He’s nice and fun to be around and I really want to get to know him better you know. I don’t know if he’s into guys at all but I’m hoping he is,” Jared says, worrying his lip, looking truly concerned about this.

Sandy waves her hand dismissively, like he has nothing to worry about. “Let me meet him, I’ll be able to tell if he’s gay or not. Unlike you I seem to have gaydar that works… one of us has to,” she says with a teasing glint in her eyes that has him rolling his eyes and trying not to sulk.

“As I was saying, he can’t be too much older than me, at least he doesn’t look to be. He said he’s working on my grandpa’s ranch through the summer, just until college starts. He’s just a really nice guy from what I can tell so far and I’m looking forward to getting to know him more over the summer,” There is a slight smile on his lips as he finishes telling her about Jensen. “You’ll have to come meet him sometime, or I can maybe talk him into coming with me when you’re working.”

“Of course I have to meet this guy; besides checking out if he is indeed gay, I have to decide whether he’s good enough for you after all,” she says with a gleam in her eyes and a smirk on her face that has Jared groaning audibly.

“For one, you’re not my mother, okay? And for another, don’t you dare do anything to embarrass me!” he tells her in what he hopes to be a firm tone but she just gives him an innocent expression in return and he knows his warning hasn’t been taken seriously. _As usual_ , he grumbles to himself.

“Hey, you’re my best friend, I’ve gotta make sure this guy’s gonna treat you right,” she says in a sickly sweet voice that doesn’t fool Jared one little bit. “And why would you think I’d embarrass you?”

“Because I know you!” he exclaims, making people turn and stare at him with weird looks on their faces but he ignores them.

“I’m hurt Jared, you have no faith in me!” she responds dramatically, clutching her chest and shaking her head in mock disappointment.

Jared just laughs and gives her the finger.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared returns to the ranch later than he had hoped to and frowns in disappointment when he glances around the land and doesn’t see Jensen anywhere in sight. He had hoped to spend more time with the light haired guy, get to know him a little better, but now it looks as though he is going to have to wait until tomorrow.

Stamping down the disappointment in his gut, Jared trudges into the house and greets his grandpa with a smile. Grandpa Ray is busy in the kitchen making dinner, but he greets Jared with a warm smile and a ‘welcome back’ before turning to the stove once more. Jared doesn’t stick around for conversation though, deciding to head up to his room until dinner is ready.

He is halfway up the staircase when out of his peripheral vision he sees a shadow through the half open door of the guestroom. Curiosity getting the better of him, he heads back down the stairs and steps up to the door, peeking into the room. His heart nearly stops beating when his eyes land on Jensen, who is digging through the top drawer of the dresser across from where Jared is standing.

Not wanting to startle the guy Jared raps softly on the door and smiles shyly when Jensen turns around. Jensen smiles in response and motions him into the room. Jared enters silently, inconspicuously taking in the sight of the light haired guy. A pair of snug blue jeans clings to Jensen’s hips, a black wife beater stretches taut across his chest, and Jared’s eyes are glued to the drops of water dripping from Jensen’s hair, a clear indication that he just recently stepped out of the shower.

Jensen pulls on a navy blue t-shirt and then takes a seat on the twin bed in the room. Jared stands awkwardly just inside the door, shifting his feet like he isn’t quite sure what to do with himself, but then he settles for leaning back against the wall, facing Jensen.

“So, you’re staying in the guestroom huh?” Jared asks, immediately wanting to kick himself for asking a stupid question. It is obvious that Jensen is staying in the guestroom; his personal belongings, which weren’t here last summer when Jared visited, are a dead giveaway.

“Yeah, my parents moved to Arizona just a few weeks ago and I didn’t exactly have a place to live so Ray said I could stay here until the summer is over,” Jensen answers as he ties the laces on his work boots and then straightens, facing Jared.

“I guess I can get used to seeing you around then.”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, I won’t bother you or anything. I’m mostly outside anyway.”

“You wouldn’t bother me,” Jared says too quickly and then flushes at the way Jensen’s intense eyes lock with his own, a small smile quirking his lips. “I… I mean, I just mean it’ll be nice to have someone my age around.”

“I know what you meant,” Jensen assures him but there’s that smile still gracing his lips and the sight has Jared fidgeting again.

“I uh, I was just gonna take Sidney out for a ride before dinner,” Jared says awkwardly, nervousness making his voice shake much to his dismay, and he runs a hand through his hair. “Would you like to go with me?”

Jensen grins and nods in response, rising from the bed and motioning for Jared to lead the way. Excited at the prospect of spending some time with Jensen, Jared tries to leave the room without a bounce in his step, not wanting to give away how eager he is. _I’m acting like a damn girl, pretty soon I’ll be writing Jensen’s name with little hearts all over my notebooks_ , he belittles himself with a roll of his eyes, but Jensen’s presence at his back has a stupid grin forming on his face all the same.

Jared yells to his grandpa, telling him that they are heading out and will be back in time for dinner, leaving the house without waiting for a response, knowing his grandpa won’t mind. Jensen is looking at him in amusement but isn’t saying anything as he follows Jared to the barn, just a few steps behind.

With a wide grin on his face, Jared steps up to Sidney’s stall and reaches out a hand to caress her mane. Meanwhile, Jensen heads into Lightning’s stall, quickly strapping a saddle onto her back as Jared does the same to Sidney. Once they have all the gear in place they climb aboard the horses and guide them out of the barn.

For the first five to ten minutes they ride in silence, side by side at a slow pace, enjoying the warmth of summer with a slight cool breeze. Jared quietly enjoys Jensen’s company, a near giddy feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it almost surprises him to realize that his attraction to Jensen has quickly turned into a full blown crush. It amazes him that it only took a day for that to happen, but one look in Jensen’s direction tells him he really shouldn’t be so surprised.

“So, are you eighteen or will you be turning eighteen any time soon?” Jared asks for conversation’s sake and putting Operation Get To Know Jensen into effect.

“I turned eighteen in March,” Jensen answers as he turns his head in Jared’s direction, squinting his eyes against the sun shining in them. “You have a birthday coming up though, right?”

“Is there anything you don’t know about me?” Jared asks with an audible groan, though he isn’t really displeased to find that Jensen knows these things about him. It is just a little weird having someone know things about you when you basically know nothing about them in return.

“I told you Ray talks about you often,” Jensen replies with a little smirk on his lips, eyes shining in amusement. “You’re his favorite topic of conversation. I’ve never met a person so fond of someone until I met him. I swear, it’s almost like you could do no wrong in his eyes.”

Jared can’t help but grin a little when he hears this, because he knows that fondness is definitely reciprocated. In Jared’s eyes Grandpa Ray is the greatest man to have ever lived and he highly doubts his opinion will ever change. He has always had a special bond with his grandpa, for as long as he can remember. He is grateful for the relationship he has with Grandpa Ray because he hardly knows his grandparents on his mom’s side of the family, so in a lot of ways Grandpa Ray is the only grandparent he can say he actually knows at all.

“When is your birthday again?” Jensen asks, picking up the conversation again after a few silent moments and Jared is grateful he didn’t let it die like it undoubtedly would have.

“July nineteenth,” Jared says with a little grin. “My parents and a couple of friends are gonna drive down here and we’ll have a little party, like we do every year. I’m only turning seventeen, so I know the party won’t be anything too special or extravagant. My family still manage to make all my birthdays awesome though, so I’m looking forward to it.”

“May not be your sixteenth, eighteenth, or twenty-first but that doesn’t mean you can’t throw a kick ass party all the same,” Jensen says with an assured look on his face, like he’s speaking from experience, and for a moment all Jared can think is that his birthday could suck ass and he would still have a smile on his face so long as Jensen is there.

Jared doesn’t know what it is about the guy - he has never been so infatuated with another person before - but everything about Jensen intrigues him and he finds that all he wants is to get to know the guy better. This is a first for Jared, and while it is a little frustrating and scary, it is also exhilarating at the same time.

“You’re gonna be there, right?” Jared speaks up after a moment, looking sideways at Jensen, trying to keep a bashful look off his face when he is hit with those intense green eyes that he suspects he will never forget.

“Do you want me to be?” Jensen asks softly.

“I wouldn’t protest,” Jared responds in a breathy whisper, a flush blossoming on his cheeks but he refuses to turn his face away.

“Alright then,” Jensen says softly and that is all the answer Jared needs, a full blown grin forming on his lips that he suspects looks goofy as hell but he can’t bring himself to be embarrassed about it.

Before long they reach a wide open field, not a house in sight for miles, and they climb down from their horses, giving them a much needed break before they head back to the ranch. Jared drops to the ground, unconcerned about dirtying his clothes, and sprawls out on his back, stretching out his limbs and groaning in pleasure.

Jensen watches on, with what appears to be amusement on his face, but he doesn’t say anything as he lowers himself to sit by Jared, opting not to sprawl out in the Neanderthal way Jared is displaying. Jared just grins impishly at the raised eyebrow Jensen tosses in his direction and turns his head to look up into the wide blue Texan sky, sighing in contentment.

“It feels good to be back here,” Jared breaks the silence between them in a breathy whisper, a small smile lingering on his lips as he keeps his face turned up to the sky. “Somehow this place always feels more like home than my own house does. The summer never seems to last long enough.”

Jensen nods in understanding. “Ray was telling me how reluctant you are to leave this place, especially last summer. This place is nice, I can understand where you’re coming from. It almost feels like you’re in another world here, so peaceful and relaxing, even compared to town.”

“The company has improved from last summer I’ll admit,” Jared takes a chance by throwing this in, looking out of the corner of his eye to gauge Jensen’s reaction.

He can’t help but feel like he has accomplished something when Jensen smiles shyly and turns his head away, crimson blossoming on his cheeks. Never before has someone looked so good when blushing and Jared has to admit he wouldn’t mind seeing Jensen do it more often.


	3. Chapter 3

-~*~-  
 **Part Three**  
-~*~-

  
June 24th, 1998

Over the past week Jared has spent as much time with Jensen as has been possible and has gotten to know the guy a little better each day. They have forged the friendship Jared had hoped for, have bonded as much as is possible over the course of a week, and Jared likes Jensen even more than he did when he first met the green eyed boy. He didn’t even think that would be possible, but he was proven wrong.

He has gotten to know a little about the person Jensen is deep inside and it makes him want to learn more. He still hasn’t found out whether Jensen likes guys or not though, and he’s not quite sure how to bring the subject up. Jensen is a pretty private person when it comes to such things and Jared isn’t quite sure how he would react to such a question.

 _It’s a relatively innocent question though_ , he tells himself. _Jensen doesn’t have to know I’m fishing for information because of anything beyond curiosity, I can make it sound casual, like I’m curious and just looking for a conversation topic._

Pleased with his decision, but still a little nervous about how Jensen will react, Jared leaves his room and heads downstairs. He finds Jensen in the barn, where he can most often be found, and a giddy feeling comes over him when Jensen sends a smile his way. Jared watches, restless on his feet, as Jensen puts down the pail in his hands and heads over to the ladder leading up to the loft, motioning for Jared to follow him.

Jared manages to make it up the ladder without incident - he hasn’t quite grown into his height and is often prone to clumsiness - and thankfully he doesn’t do anything to embarrass himself. He drops down onto the stool next to Jensen’s and smiles gratefully when the light haired boy hands him a can of cola from the ice cooler between them.

Jensen pops the tab on his can, taking a lengthy drink, while Jared’s eyes are glued to the long expanse of Jensen’s neck, mouth slightly agape. _What I’d like to do to that neck right now_ , he thinks quietly as he bites down on his lip, quickly turning his eyes away from Jensen’s tempting neck. With his forearms resting on his legs he leans forward, head facing down to the floor to stop being so obvious in his attraction.

“I’m not distracting you from your work, am I?” Jared asks just to get a conversation started. Jensen hasn’t complained yet about Jared interrupting his work so Jared is pretty sure he isn’t annoying the other boy at all.

“You’re giving me a reason to take a break, so no, you’re not distracting me,” Jensen responds with a laugh and gives Jared a wink. “Besides, you know I always welcome your company.”

Jared can’t stop a deep blush from staining his cheeks, but it makes Jensen grin so Jared figures it is worth the embarrassment he feels every time it happens. _He has such an amazing smile_ , Jared thinks to himself, feeling like a teenage girl but unable to bring himself to care. _The guy is too pretty for his own good._

Jensen finally turns away, giving Jared time to collect himself. They sit in companionable silence as Jared tries to figure out a way to ask the question that has been burning in his mind. He could just come right out and ask, but he doesn’t want to make it sound like he is fishing for information for any reason other than pure curiosity. He has no clue if Jensen is into guys at all; some Texans get offended at such questions and if Jensen is one of those guys then Jared doesn’t want to do anything that would possibly fuck up their friendship.

“What’s on your mind?” Jensen asks, startling Jared out of his thoughts.

“What makes you think I have anything on my mind?” Jared asks as he looks up, trying to act innocent.

“That thoughtful look you had on your face just a moment ago was kind of a dead giveaway,” Jensen responds with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“There’s nothing special on my mind, more of a curiosity really,” Jared answers, trying his damnedest not to blush, as he turns his face downwards once more.

Silence drags on between the two of them for a moment, Jared not offering up any further explanation while Jensen waits with narrowed eyes. “Are you going to tell me what you‘re curious about or am I gonna have to guess?” Jensen asks, looking very amused.

“Well… you said you’re going to college in California, and that’s pretty far away… and I was just wondering if you have someone that’s gonna be waiting for you back home,” Jared says quietly, realizing there is no way to make it sound innocent, so he just hopes Jensen doesn’t read too much into it.

Jensen merely eyes him for a tense moment as a soft smile forms on his face and then he finally opens his mouth to speak. “Are you asking if I’m in a relationship?”

“Well we’d never talked about it before and I was just curious as to whether you had a girlfriend or not… or maybe a boyfriend,” Jared speaks these last three words quietly, part of him hoping Jensen didn’t even hear him.

“Not at the moment, no,” Jensen answers with a corresponding shake of his head. “The last girlfriend I had was when I was fourteen and I broke up with my boyfriend a little over a year ago. I’ve been single ever since.”

Jared brightens when he hears this, raising his head to look at Jensen once more, needing to be sure his ears didn’t deceive him. Jensen keeps eye contact for a long moment before smiling softly and turning his head away.

“What about you? You in a relationship?” he asks nonchalantly, taking a drink of his soda.

“No,” Jared says simply, but he is encouraged by the way this conversation is going so he can’t keep a smile out of his voice. “I’ve only had one boyfriend and that only lasted about a year.”

Jensen nods but he doesn’t comment. Silence stretches on between them for a few beats but Jared can’t be bothered to care. He finally has the answer to the one question he has been torturing himself with for the past week; he is feeling pretty damn happy right now, especially since Jensen’s response gives him a little bit of hope.

He still can’t be sure that he has a chance with Jensen, but now he knows that Jensen is attracted to guys, so Jared figures his chances are far better now than they were previously. _Now to figure out if he’d be interested in going on a date with me_ , Jared schemes in silence.

Jared is pulled from his musings when Jensen purposefully clears his throat. Jensen doesn’t look at Jared, keeps his head facing forward as he casually says, “A couple of friends of mine are in a band and they’re having a show tomorrow night.”

Jared’s hazel eyes stare intently at Jensen, hope blossoming in his chest at where this conversation may be going, and he tries to wait patiently for Jensen to get the words out. Patience has never been his forte, but he does his best to wait and not fidget all the while.

“Would you maybe come along?” Jensen finally asks after a moment of silence, still not looking in Jared’s direction, instead gazing far too intently at the cola in his hands.

Excitement flows through his veins as a giddy smile fights to work its way onto his face, but he tries to make himself appear calm and nonchalant as he nods his head and says, “Sure that sounds fun, count me in.”

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared quietly follows Jensen onto the football field in the park where the town holds public concerts featuring local bands. He had always heard of the concerts held here every couple of months but had never checked it out before. The field is already pretty crowded with people standing around as well as sitting in lawn chairs that they brought with them.

He sticks close to Jensen as they make their way through the crowd. Jensen glances behind him every so often to make sure Jared is still following him and soon they reach a group of people standing off to the side of the stage. Jared has to do a double take when he sees Sandy standing amongst the group; he hadn’t been expecting to see her here and it makes him think about their conversation a little over a week ago.

 _I wonder if that guy she told me about is in the same band Jensen’s friend is in._ It would make a lot of sense, otherwise why would she be standing with the people Jensen is headed straight for?

Sandy appears just as surprised to see him, her mouth forming the shape of an ‘o’ the second her eyes land on him. It is delighted surprise he finds on her face though, and a second later she is wrapping herself around him in a full body hug. Jared chuckles softly, returning her embrace enthusiastically, and then she untangles herself from him a moment later.

“What are you doing here?” she asks with curiosity plain on her face. “You’ve never shown up to any of these concerts before so I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.”

“Jensen invited me to come along with him,” Jared replies, looking to his left where Jensen stands watching them with interest in his bright green eyes. “Jensen works on my grandpa’s farm… Jensen this is my best friend, Sandy.”

“Ah, I’ve heard a bit about you. Jared seems _awfully_ fond of you,” Sandy says with a friendly smile, tossing a glance at Jared. “Nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise,” Jensen responds in kind, blushing shyly at Sandy’s insinuation while sneaking a glance from beneath his lashes at Jared.

Jared glares heatedly at Sandy when Jensen isn’t looking but she just smirks in response and turns her sole attention on Jensen, eyeing him with approval clear on her face. Jensen blushes a deeper shade of crimson, appearing extremely uncomfortable under Sandy’s blatant stare, and Jared watches as his eyes light up in relief when a guy with shoulder length blond hair approaches them.

“Hey man, you made it,” the guy says with a wide grin as he pulls Jensen into a brief hug.

“You know I wouldn’t have missed it,” Jensen responds with a smile of his own before turning to Jared. “Jay, this is my friend Steve, he’s in the band along with Chris, my other friend. He’s around here somewhere so you’ll meet him later.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jared is saying just as Sandy barges into the conversation with, “You’re Jenny?” her eyes wide as she says this. “Chris told me all about you.”

A scowl forms on Jensen’s face as Steve muffles a laugh with the palm of his hand. “I tell him time and time again not to call me that! Will that dumbass ever listen?”

“Not likely Jen, I suggest you just get used to it,” Steve replies with a snicker.

Sandy pulls on Jared’s sleeve, drawing him a few steps away, and by the look on her face Jared can tell exactly what she wants to talk about. She has been bugging him about meeting Jensen since the day he went to see her at work but Jared had kept putting it off.

It’s not that he didn’t want Sandy to meet Jensen of course, it’s just that he has been busy trying to spend as much time as he can with him, which isn’t all that easy seeing as Jensen is usually busy working. Jared wasn’t sure how he should bring it up with Jensen. They had grown closer over the past week, but he didn’t know if Jensen would be game meeting any of Jared’s friends, plus Jared had to admit he wasn’t sure Sandy would be on her best behavior and he was a little afraid of her embarrassing him.

“He’s cute!” Sandy says with bright eyes once they are a decent distance away. “Have you asked him out yet?”

Jared flushes a little and glares at her for her loud tone of voice, glancing in Jensen’s direction to make sure he hasn’t overheard her. “No, I haven’t asked him out yet,” he replies in a quieter tone meant for her ears only, hissing the words out a little. “But he asked me to come with him tonight, and something about the way he asked and how he was acting when he asked makes me think this might be a date… maybe… at least I hope so.”

“Well for what it’s worth I’d say he’s definitely into you,” she says with a reassuring smile, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

“What gives you that impression?”

“The way he can’t keep his eyes off you,” she responds with a mischievous smirk, giving a subtle head tilt in Jensen’s direction.

Jared, not so inconspicuously, looks over at Jensen only to find the guy looking right at him. Crimson immediately stains Jensen’s cheeks, Jared can see it even from where he stands a few feet away, and his heart skips a beat when Jensen gives him a shy smile before looking away.

Feeling encouraged Jared turns to Sandy with a wide grin, practically vibrating from the joy crashing through his system, and his best friend just rolls her eyes at him.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
They stay long enough to see Kane’s set and then Jared draws Jensen away to take a walk around the park, wanting a little one on one time with him before they head back to the ranch. He’s not quite sure if this is a date, hasn’t been able to figure it out, but it kind of feels like one and he isn’t ready for it to end just yet.

The night is unusually cool for this time of year in Texas, but it isn’t necessarily cold and it leaves Jared feeling comfortable and relaxed. The urge to take Jensen’s hand in his own is strong but he tries his damnedest to resist. He doesn’t want to make the first move, is admittedly a little afraid to, and he isn’t quite sure how Jensen would respond.

In the end the decision is taken out of his hands, Jensen entwining their fingers and holding his hand loosely. Jared tries to keep from grinning like a fool, but when his cheeks begin to hurt he knows he has failed miserably. He can’t be bothered to care too much though, not with Jensen’s hand in his own.

“You have really nice friends,” Jared says to break the stillness between them.

“They’re pains in my ass is what they are,” Jensen responds with a laugh and a shake of his head. “They can be really supportive when I need them though, and annoyingly overprotective.”

Jared smiles when he recalls the deer-caught-in-headlights look on Jensen’s face when Chris tried to get him up on stage with them. “You should’ve gotten up on stage with them,” he says nonchalantly to which Jensen snorts. “Am I ever gonna get the chance to hear you sing?”

“Not if I can help it,” is Jensen’s immediate response. He isn’t being unkind though; the blush covering his cheeks tells Jared that he is either embarrassed or shy, probably both.

“There’s no way I can persuade you to sing for me?” Jared probes, looking at Jensen hopefully.

Jensen evades the question as he leads Jared to a nearby bench and sits down. Jared sits closer to Jensen than he normally would, feeling particularly bold for some strange reason, subtly letting Jensen know that he is interested. The soft smile on Jensen’s lips tells Jared that his message has been received.

“I’m glad I got to meet Sandy, she’s a sweetheart.”

Jared snorts at this. “Sweet doesn’t exactly describe her, meddlesome is more like it. You two seemed to get along though; I think she spent more time talking with you than I did.”

Jared tries not to sound jealous or bitter about this but he can’t be sure he succeeded, especially at the knowing smile Jensen tosses his way. Jared can’t help it though; he has been having a good time tonight but he’s not so happy about Sandy hogging so much of Jensen’s time.

“To be honest it felt more like an interrogation than a conversation. The whole time I kept expecting her to ask me what my intentions were,” Jensen laughs and looks at Jared with intense eyes. “She’s very protective of you.”

Jared is fuming when he hears this, practically vibrating with anger. “How dare she do that to you! Who does she think she is? I know what she’s thinking, and while it’s cute to see her acting like my big sister, you sure as hell don’t need her approval. She had no right to…”

Jared shuts up the moment he realizes what he has said, flushing under the weight of Jensen’s amused stare. Immediately he tries to backtrack, tries to undo the damage his words may have caused. “I… I didn’t mean that the way it sounded, all I meant was…”

“You gonna try to tell me you’re not interested? ‘Cause I gotta tell you, that would make this awkward for me,” Jensen says, stopping Jared in the middle of his lie.

“Is… is this a date?” Jared asks hopefully, looking at Jensen from beneath his lashes.

“I had hoped it was,” Jensen responds honestly. “Question is, do _you_ want it to be?”

Jared can feel himself nodding his head before he even decided to do it. Sometimes his body has a mind of its own and it does what it wants. This time it hasn’t gotten him into trouble though, so he can’t bring himself to mind.

Jensen suddenly leans across the short amount of space between them and takes possession of Jared’s mouth, raising a hand to cup his cheek. Meanwhile Jared’s mind is in overdrive, screaming _Jensen is kissing me_ over and over again, sounding very much like a teenage girl. He can’t help it though. For so long he has wondered what it would be like to kiss Jensen, to taste him, and now that he actually is it is all a little overwhelming.

Jared opens his mouth when he feels Jensen’s tongue sliding wetly along his bottom lip, silently asking to be let in. Jared nearly moans the moment their tongues make contact, twining and sliding and exploring for the very first time. Jensen tastes of white grape juice and wintergreen gum, an intoxicating combination. Vaguely he wonders what he himself tastes like but figures he can’t taste bad because Jensen isn’t pulling away, he is drawing Jared closer.

His hand soon finds itself buried in Jensen’s surprisingly soft hair, alternatively clenching and releasing his grip on the strands as he presses his lips more firmly to Jensen’s. Jensen gives back as good as he’s getting, quickly dominating the kiss and claiming Jared with his agile tongue.

They continue to kiss for a few minutes more, reluctant to separate themselves, but lack of air soon pulls them apart and they are left panting for breath. Jensen is adorably flushed from their exchange and Jared suspects he has been left in a similar state.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend?” Jared asks once he has control over his breathing again.

“Do you want me to be?” Jensen asks softly, bright green eyes boring intently into Jared’s hazel.

“Yes,” he responds, all jokes aside, giving Jensen an honest to God answer.

“Then yeah, I guess this means we’re together,” Jensen says, voice close to a whisper, and then his mouth is covering Jared’s once more. Jared is more than happy to kiss Jensen back; there will be time for conversation later.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
July 5th, 1998

For the past ten days Jensen and Jared have been inseparable, one not going go very far without the other. If his grandpa suspects there is anything going on between them he hasn’t mentioned it. They have been extra careful not to get caught, stealing kisses whenever the opportunity arises, hidden from view on the side of the tractor or leaning against the wall at the back of the house where there are no windows.

Most of the time though, the loft in the barn is the place that knows of their passion for one another. They haven’t done anything past making out, but that can get rather heated, leaving them both painfully aroused from all the innocent touching and wet caressing of tongues. Jared has reached the point where he wants to take their relationship to the next level; a bit early in their relationship he will admit, but it is what he wants. He doesn’t know if he and Jensen are on the same page though, and he is too embarrassed to ask or tell his boyfriend what he wants.

These days he is in a constant state of arousal and sometimes all it takes is one look at Jensen to make him hard as rock. Jared is a teenager though, so he has a good excuse - or that is what he tells himself anyway. His hormones are all over the place, he just can’t help it.

Jared pulls himself from his inner musings when he feels the truck come to a stop and he shakes his head a little as he looks up and finds they have reached their destination. Jensen is already climbing out of the truck so Jared forces his mind to get with program and quickly follows suit.

Katie’s bright blue eyes track them as they enter the Coffee House and head to the table their friends are occupying. Jared smiles at her in greeting but she eyes Jensen with a smirk on her face and raises an eyebrow at Jared. By now, all of their friends know about their newfound relationship and they are being very cool about it. Besides Sandy, none of Jared’s friends knew about his preference for guys, and he was a little worried about how they would react, but thankfully they have been very supportive. He has also become good friends with Chris, Steve and Jensen’s other friend Jason since he started dating Jensen.

Jared blushes at the playful smile on the petite blonde’s face but feels pretty good when he recognizes her look of approval and the thumbs up she sends his way when his boyfriend isn’t looking. He knows that Jensen is attractive - it is impossible not to notice - but there is so much more to his boyfriend than his looks. Jensen is a genuinely nice person, with a kind heart and a wonderful sense of humor. Jared knows he is damn lucky to have caught the eye of someone like Jensen and he will do anything he has to in order to keep him.

They pull up a couple of chairs at the table their friends are occupying, Jared giving Sandy a hug before he sits down, and a second later Katie joins them. She sends him a sly smile when no one is looking, enjoying teasing him relentlessly and obviously relishing the way she can make him turn crimson with very little effort. Jared glares at her, which has no affect on her whatsoever, and he turns away with his cheeks flaming.

Jensen turns to him, asking if he wants a drink, to which Jared nods his head, and Jensen then heads to the front counter to order. Jared’s eyes track him all the way, an unconscious smile on his lips the whole time, until he quickly becomes aware of five sets of eyes watching him. He gives his friends a blank look, deciding they have made him blush enough and he is determined not to let them get to him again. Ever since they found out he and Jensen are dating they take every opportunity they can to tease them.

“We were just talking about heading down to the cinema tonight to see a movie. Would you guys be interested in joining us?” Jason asks before taking a drink of his coffee. “Or are you two too busy being a couple of love struck teenagers to spend any time with your friends?”

Jared ignores that last comment and gives a shrug of his shoulders. “I’d be down with seeing a movie but I’ll have to find out if Jensen wants to first before I say I’ll go.”

“Oh he’ll go,” Chris says with an evil smile on his face. “Ain’t gonna hurt either of you to get the hell off that ranch for a night and hang with your friends. Jen will agree to go, trust me on that.”

Jared doesn’t doubt that as Chris can get rather inventive and evil when he wants something; you either go along with his plans or he makes your life a living hell. Jared thinks he both envies and resents that about Chris, but thankfully for him, Jensen is usually Chris’ target. Chris may be small but he is an evil genius in disguise, and he has one hell of a temper. Jared certainly wouldn’t want to get on the man’s bad side. The only one that seems unfazed by Chris is Steve. He is the only one that just rolls his eyes at Chris and gets away with it. Jared can’t help inwardly laughing at the thought.

“Okay, so what movie are we seeing?” he asks once he draws himself out of his thoughts.

“We haven’t decided yet, we’ll figure that out when we get there,” Sandy answers before biting into the sandwich in her hand. “How have you been? I haven’t heard from you in a while, I was beginning to think you forgot all about me now that you have yourself a boyfriend.”

The tone of her voice is playful but Jared can detect a hint of hurt just beneath the surface and he inwardly curses himself for being so caught up in Jensen that he didn’t realize he may be hurting his best friend. It is true that he hasn’t spent nearly enough time with her this summer. This really makes him feel bad because the only time he gets to see her is during the summertime; the only way they keep in touch the rest of the year is through phone calls and the internet.

 _You’re being a bad friend Padalecki, you need to make time for your friends before you lose them_ , a wise voice pipes up in his mind, sounding strangely like his grandpa.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” Jared says with a little smile of shame as he reaches across the table and places his hand over hers, squeezing briefly. “I haven’t been spending as much time with you as I should and I’m being a terrible friend. I promise to make the effort to spend more time with you while I’m in town though.”

“No, really, it’s okay. I mean, I have my own boyfriend, so I completely understand. But just… well, just keep in mind that I’d like some of your time too.” Sandy smiles softly, reassuringly, forgivingly, as Jensen returns to the table with two cups of coffee.

Jared smiles gratefully as Jensen takes his seat next to him once more. Jared sips at his coffee, his hand held loosely in Jensen’s beneath the table, as they engage in idle chat with their friends. Steve is currently busy telling everyone about the latest song he has finished writing, sounding pleased and proud as ever, as the rest of the table’s occupants listen with interest and give him encouragement.

Sandy seems to be enthralled with staring at Chris, a warm look on her face that Jared is pleased to see. It is really nice to see his best friend so happy, and she deserves to be. She really is a wonderful person, with so much to give, and Jared has never seen her looking so happy before. He can’t help but think it looks exceptionally good on her; she is practically glowing and radiating with warmth. She seems really good for Chris too, with him being softer than he normally is when he’s around her. It is nice to see the transformation because it reassures Jared that Sandy has found herself a good guy.

 _If he hurts her though, I don’t care how intimidating he is, I’ll hurt him_ , Jared thinks to himself protectively.

Katie leans into his side, keeping her voice low as she says, “I’m still going to tease the hell out of you every chance I get but, just so you know, you guys make a really cute couple.”

Jared can’t stop a wide grin from forming on his face as he unconsciously squeezes Jensen’s hand, making his boyfriend turn to him. Jensen smiles softly when he sees the look on Jared’s face, gently squeezing his hand in return, and inwardly Jared considers the fact that he has never been so happy before.


	4. Chapter 4

-~*~-  
 **Part Four**  
-~*~-

  
July 12th, 1998

Jared sits at the kitchen table, bleary eyed from sleep, and watches his grandpa as he grabs his keys and heads to the front door. Grandpa Ray is headed into town to see a friend, and as he walks out the door he tells Jared that Jensen is still asleep and asks if Jared could please wake him up.

His grandpa leaves without waiting for a response, confident in the fact that Jared won’t mind. Jared simply pushes away from the kitchen table and sluggishly climbs the stairs. He can’t suppress a yawn as he reaches the second floor of the house, willing himself to wake up but having some difficulty. He dresses as quickly as he can manage in his lethargic state and then slowly heads back downstairs to wake his sleeping boyfriend.

Jensen’s bedroom door is slightly ajar so all Jared has to do is give it a little push and it opens the rest of the way. He moves to sit on the edge of the bed, a small smile on his face as he looks at his boyfriend. Jensen is sprawled out on his back, one leg lying straight while the other is bent at the knee. The blanket and sheet have been tossed aside some time during the night, exposing his navy blue boxer briefs and white wife beater.

Jared is fondly amused at the way Jensen’s jaw is slack in sleep, a soft snore emitting from him. If Jared had a camera on him he would be snapping a photo and relentlessly torturing Jensen with it. _Guess he got lucky this time_ , Jared thinks in amusement.

“Jen,” Jared draws out his name quietly, running his fingers through Jensen’s sleep disheveled hair in an attempt to wake him. “Time to wake up babe.”

Jensen lets out a soft groan as green eyes open to stare up into hazel. “Morning already?” His voice is rough with sleep, causing a shiver to run down Jared’s spine.

“Time to rise and shine,” Jared confirms as he leans down to capture Jensen’s lips in a soft kiss.

A soft moan escapes Jensen’s lips, giving Jared the chance to slip his tongue inside the warm cavern of his mouth, unconcerned about Jensen’s morning breath. Jensen responds eagerly, if not a bit sleepily, their tongues sliding languidly together. This is the first time they have had a mattress beneath them and Jared can’t stop himself from climbing on top of Jensen, their bodies fitting together as though they were always meant to.

Even though he just woke up and isn’t entirely awake yet, Jared can feel Jensen hardening beneath him and the feel of it is making him even more excited. Jared is almost painfully aroused already and can’t stop himself from rocking against Jensen, bringing their clothed erections together with some sweet friction that Jared has been wanting for an embarrassingly long amount of time.

Jensen jerks and moans beneath him but to Jared’s disappointment he pulls out of the kiss and stills Jared’s hips with his strong, capable hands. “Jay, no, we can’t do this,” he says, his voice a bit ragged. “Ray-”

“Is not here,” Jared quickly interjects, stopping Jensen’s protests in their tracks. “He won’t be home for a while so we _do_ have time. Come on Jen, please don’t deny me, I need you.”

Jared thrusts his hips to make his point, and once he has started he can’t stop. Jensen doesn’t attempt to stop him this time, he just draws Jared’s lips back to his and arches his hips up into Jared’s next downward thrust.

Jared sets a steady rhythm as his lips leave Jensen’s mouth and descend to his neck, licking and sucking a bruise into the junction between neck and shoulder. Jensen matches the pace of his thrusts, grasping at Jared’s hips and rubbing their groins together firmly. The pleasure is exquisite but not nearly enough for either of them to get off.

Jared locks eyes with Jensen as his hand snakes between them and delves inside Jensen’s boxer briefs, wrapping his fingers around his throbbing erection. Jensen’s breath stutters in his throat as his intense eyes watch Jared. For a moment Jared simply holds him in his palm, learning the weight and feel of him, and then he slowly begins to stroke him.

Jensen releases an encouraging moan when the pad of Jared’s thumb traces the crown of his erection, running across the slit. Jared is mesmerized by the sight of Jensen thrusting up into his hand. The image Jensen paints is debauched, panting raggedly and moaning when Jared does something he particularly likes.

“Faster Jay… gonna come…” Jensen pants out, eyes squeezing shut at the pleasure racing through his body, right on the edge of his release.

Jared tightens his fist around Jensen’s dick and does as his boyfriend asks, picking up the pace a little. Jensen lets out a soft moan of appreciation as he thrusts up into Jared’s fist with abandon. Suddenly he grabs the back of Jared’s neck and pulls him in for a passionate kiss just as he spills inside his underwear and over Jared’s fist. Jared is a little disappointed that he didn’t get to hear Jensen when he came between them, but feeling it, and knowing _he_ did that to Jensen, is more than enough for now.

Jensen lies boneless and panting as he enjoys his post orgasmic haze and tries to get his equilibrium back. Jared feels pretty proud of himself, being able to render his boyfriend into a quivering mess.

“I think… you just… killed me,” Jensen says around pants of breath, smiling deliriously as Jared chuckles and blushes at the compliment.

“Guess I’m pretty good with my hands, huh?” Jared blushes again as the words leave his lips, still quite uncomfortable talking about such things. _I’m such a virgin_ , he tells himself with a mental eye roll.

“Love your hands,” Jensen mumbles with a dazed smile playing on his lips.

“Have you…” Jared stops before he can finish his question, quite sure now is not the time to ask such a thing.

“What?” Jensen asks, curiosity written all over his face.

“I was just wondering… how experienced are you?” Jared asks quietly, inwardly wishing he hadn’t brought it up.

Jensen looks at him for a moment, a calculating look on his face. “I’m not a virgin, but it’s not like I’m all that experienced either.”

Jared just nods his head, reassured that Jensen knows what he is doing but also glad to know that he isn’t much more experienced than Jared is. Jared is a virgin, so anyone would be more experienced than him, but it is kind of nice to know that they have things they can explore and learn together.

“How about I give you hand there,” Jensen breaks through Jared’s thoughts when he pushes him onto his back and goes straight for the button of his jeans.

Jared’s painfully insistent erection brings itself to the forefront of his mind once more now that Jensen has reminded him of his need and Jared finds himself aching for release. Jensen smiles devilishly as he slides the zipper down and pulls Jared’s dick out of his pants.

Right now Jared is dying for something to happen; Jensen can do anything he pleases just so long as Jared comes. Jensen thankfully gets straight down to business, licking a long stripe up the length of Jared’s dick before swallowing him down, and what he can’t fit into his mouth he wraps his hand around.

The wet warmth of Jensen’s mouth has a moan working its way out of Jared and when Jensen applies a bit of suction Jared clenches at the sheets beneath him with his fists. Jensen slowly begins to bob his head as he sucks a little harder, quickening his pace when Jared begs him to.

Jared’s hand finds its way into Jensen’s hair, fingers clenching at the strands but trying not to pull. He was already hard as a rock when Jensen took him into his mouth and he knows he isn’t going to last very long at this rate. This is Jared’s first blow job, and he wants it to last longer than he knows it actually will, but his restraint is already spread too thin.

The things Jensen is doing with his mouth, lips and hands are incredible, and Jared is a little awed by the whole thing. He can’t believe this is actually happening and part of him never wants it to end, while another part aches for sweet release.

Jensen does this thing with his tongue that has Jared going wild and when a hand comes in to play, fondling his balls, Jared can’t hold on any longer. His orgasm washes through him like an explosion; he doesn’t even have the chance to warn his boyfriend before he floods his mouth. Jensen makes no complaints though, and he doesn’t gag at all, just swallows down all Jared has to offer.

Jared feels like he is in a state of euphoria as he lies on Jensen’s bed, panting for breath with a blissful smile from ear to ear. Jensen tucks Jared back into his jeans and fastens them before moving to lie beside him, tracing circular patterns into the shirt over Jared’s heart, watching him with a soft smile as Jared comes down from his temporary high.

“Oh God…” Jared breathes once he is able to form coherent words again. “Your mouth is made of awesome.”

Jensen blushes at the comment and ducks his head. “I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he whispers bashfully, the sound of his voice making Jared’s chest swell pleasantly.

Jared slides his fingers into the hair at the back of Jensen’s head and leans up to connect their lips, slipping his tongue into his boyfriend’s mouth. Jensen moans softly, tilting his head to kiss him deeply and he wraps his hand around Jared’s neck, caressing the skin there. They share a few lazy kisses, basking in one other, and then Jared forces himself to break their embrace.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you need to brush your teeth,” he says teasingly, scrunching up his nose in feigned disgust and laughing when Jensen punches his arm.

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

Jared steps out onto the porch just in time to see a familiar beat up old Ford pickup pulling into the driveway, kicking up dust in its path. He moves to lean against one of the porch pillars as the truck comes to a stop in front of the stairs, engine rumbling and sputtering like it is going to die at any second. For the life of him Jared can’t figure out why Chris hasn’t junked the beat up vehicle; it seems to be on its last legs anyway. The poor guy is long overdue for a truck he can actually depend on.

He figures Chris holds onto the truck either because of money issues or some sentimental reason. He hasn’t asked Chris about it - mostly because he doesn’t want to offend him by inadvertently calling his truck a piece of crap - but he is getting more curious about it by the day. Jared has always been a naturally curious and nosy person.

Chris steps out of the truck, running a hand through his newly cut short hair before placing his trademark cowboy hat on his head and sending Jared a playful wink. Jared merely rolls his eyes at Chris’ antics, letting him know that Jensen is in the barn when he asks, and then he turns his attention to Sandy who has stepped onto the porch beside him. She gives him a soft smile as she lowers herself to sit on the stairs leading up to the porch, motioning for him to join her.

Jared sits down as Chris heads off to the barn, leaving them alone to visit. Jared is grateful for the time alone with his best friend; they haven’t spent nearly enough time together this summer and he is determined to change that. He may be anxious to spend as much time with Jensen as possible but he doesn’t want to push Sandy off to the side, he knows how much that would hurt her. Besides, he wants to spend some time with her as well before the summer ends and he has to go back to San Antonio.

“Everything seems to be going well for you and Chris,” Jared says to start a conversation, enjoying the smile that blossoms onto her face at the mention of her boyfriend.

“Things couldn’t be better between us actually. I really like him, more than I expected I would,” she admits with a soft blush on her cheeks. “I don’t usually let anyone get too close to me, but somehow it was really easy to let him in. Something tells me he wouldn’t hurt me, not intentionally, and I think what we have is the real thing. I’m falling for him.”

Part of Jared is surprised to hear this but at the same time not so much. She has never gotten close enough to someone to actually fall in love, usually the guy feels more deeply for her than she does for him. She has always been afraid of being hurt; seeing what her aunt has gone through in relationships has left Sandy wary, so it is surprising to hear that she has opened herself enough to actually care for someone so much.

But at the same time it’s not so surprising because Jared has seen the expression on her face every time she looks at Chris. He has witnessed the warmth in her eyes and the smile she seemingly can’t stop from climbing onto her face. It is obvious that she is falling in love and Jared couldn’t be happier for her.

“He’s good for you,” Jared says after a moment, turning to give Sandy a soft smile as he wraps his arm around her shoulders and tucks her into his side. “It’s really nice to see you so happy for once.”

“I am happy,” she says, with a touch of amazement in her voice before shaking her head slightly and turning to Jared, a sweet smile on her face. “Your relationship seems to be going very well too.”

“Yeah, things couldn’t be better,” he confirms with a soft, happy sigh.

Sandy looks at him critically for a moment, making him feel uncomfortable under the close scrutiny, and then a wide smile forms on her lips. “Ya know, love’s lookin’ good on you Padalecki,” she says with a sparkle in her eyes. “I’d say Jensen is _definitely_ good for you.”

She laughs softly when Jared’s cheeks turn a deep shade of pink, but along with the embarrassment he can’t help feeling very joyful. He has felt different since Jensen entered his life, a little happier than normal, so it doesn’t surprise him to hear that it is written all over his face. He feels like he is practically vibrating with it. He has never felt like this before, and while it’s a little scary, it is also exciting.

Silence settles between them, comfortable and companionable, and Jared is content to just sit here with his best friend. Sandy seems less content however, when she tosses her hair behind her shoulder and rises to her feet, suggesting they go find out what their boyfriends are up to. Jared decides this is a good idea, standing quickly and following Sandy to the barn.

They find their boyfriends hanging out in the loft with a bottle of Coke in their hands and sharing laughter. Jensen’s eyes soften with warmth the moment he sees Jared, a small smile pulling at his lips as he motions Jared closer. With limited seating in the loft Jared sits down between Jensen’s spread legs, wrapping an arm around his boyfriend’s thigh, while Sandy opts to seat herself on Chris’ lap.

“You better be planning to visit whenever you get the chance son,” Chris drawls, continuing their conversation from where they were interrupted. “And I’m talking about every holiday if you can manage it.”

Jensen chuckles softly and gives a slight shake of his head. “Of course I’m going to visit Chris; I’m going to college, not dropping off the face of the earth.”

“Yeah well, just keep in mind that I’ll kick your ass if you don’t keep in touch,” Chris says nonchalantly as he takes a drink of his Coke.

Jensen looks down at Jared with a good natured roll of his eyes and Jared just smiles back a little strained. He hasn’t said anything but he is a little worried about Jensen going away to college and leaving him behind. He is a little worried about where that will leave them, where they go after the summer ends. He doesn’t know what Jensen wants, doesn’t know if he stands to lose Jensen when he leaves for California. Jared knows how hard long distance relationships are and he doesn’t know if they would be strong enough to survive it.

 _That is if he even wants to be with you when he heads off to college_ , an infuriating voice speaks up from the back of his mind.

There is no denying that Jared is a little worried about that as well. This is college after all, and can Jensen really get the full experience when he is tied to a relationship with someone miles upon miles away? And really, who doesn’t want to experience every aspect of college? Jared knows he would… just not enough to give up Jensen. _I hope he feels the same way_ , he thinks while worrying his bottom lip.

He draws himself out of his distressing thoughts when Chris thrusts a bottle of Coke into his face. Jared smiles in thanks, doing his best to push all these thoughts into the back of his mind and enjoy the afternoon with his friends. There is still a lot of time between now and September, he doesn’t have to worry about these things right this second.

“So, I heard from a reliable source that it’s your birthday in a few days,” Chris says in that drawl of his, raising an eyebrow at Jared. “Got any plans?”

Jared tosses a look up at Jensen, seeing his boyfriend turn away with a smirk pulling at his lips, and he silently plots revenge against Jensen for this. It’s not that Jared didn’t want anyone to know his birthday was approaching per se - Sandy was bound to mention it to her boyfriend at some point - but this year Jared was kind of hoping for a laidback birthday party.

This was already unlikely seeing as how his family is driving into town, and they are bound to throw a big party for him, but now he has to wonder what his friends are going to do too. Silently he wonders if he can get them to agree to a laidback gathering but one look at the sparkle in Chris’ eyes and the slight smirk on his face tells Jared that he is basically screwed.

 _Maybe it won’t be so bad_ , he tries to tell himself, even though he really doesn’t want anyone to throw a big party for him. _Besides, it’ll be nice to spend some time with friends, and having Jen there will make it that much better._

“I’m pretty sure my parents are going to throw a party the day of my birthday and they won’t be heading back from here until the following day,” Jared answers finally.

“Well I talked to everyone and we all want to celebrate with you in our own way, so I guess we’ll wait till that weekend for our plans,” Chris says with a contemplative look on his face. “Does that work for you?”

“Trust me Jay, you’ll have a good time,” Sandy says, already knowing he will require a bit of convincing. “It’ll only be your close friends there.”

“Yeah, we figured we’d meet up at Jason’s place so he’s left with clean-up duty,” Chris says with a smirk to which Sandy gives him a look of disapproval.

“Alright fine, sounds good.” Jared gives in the second he sees Jensen smiling at him softly, encouragingly. Jared dares anyone not to give in when you have Jensen looking at you _that_ way.

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

July 15th, 1998

“Alright, what’s wrong with you?” Katie asks as she stops walking and puts her hands on her hips, giving him an expression that says he better not even try to lie or get out of telling her what is bothering him.

They have been walking around his grandpa’s land since she showed up thirty minutes ago and Jared’s been a silent companion at her side, too distracted by his thoughts to keep up his end of the conversation. She has been talking a mile a minute, barely stopping for a breath, and usually Jared can miraculously keep up with her but today his mind has been pre-occupied.

He had tried to focus on what she was talking about so she wouldn’t get suspicious and question him but his thoughts drew him away from her time and time again. Now he has a curious blonde on his hands and he knows there is nothing he can do to deflect this conversation, nothing will stop her from getting answers. She is persistent like that, and she won’t let the subject go no matter how badly Jared may want her to. He knows her well enough by now; she can be almost as bad as Sandy when it comes to getting answers out of him.

 _I guess I should just be glad Sandy isn’t interrogating me_ , he thinks with a wry smile.

“You’ve been distracted from the moment I got here. It wouldn’t surprise me if you haven’t even heard a word I’ve said,” she says with an accusing look on her face, glaring without any real heat, a touch of concern hiding behind her eyes that she’s trying not to show. “What’s going on with you Jare? You look like someone just kicked a puppy.”

“Look Katie, I know you’re just trying to help, but can we _please_ not talk about this right now?” Jared asks with a heavy sigh as he hangs his head to stare at the ground.

Katie gives him a look that clearly states that she thinks he is stupid, and maybe he is because she isn’t known for letting things go, he knows this all too well. But still, this isn’t exactly something he wants to discuss with anyone, he would rather torture himself with it in silence. Not to mention that he usually goes to Sandy with all his problems. That’s not to say that he doesn’t consider Katie to be one of his best friends, it is just that he feels more comfortable talking to Sandy about his personal problems.

One long look at the blonde standing firmly in front of him lets him know for certain that she isn’t going to just walk away and let the subject go. Jared breathes a soft sigh, resigning himself to _this_ conversation. He loosely grabs her arm, gesturing for her to walk with him as he takes a deep breath and contemplates how he should start.

“You’re just gonna agonize over whatever is bothering you and that’ll get you exactly nowhere,” she says when he fails to say a word. “You might as well talk to me about it, get it off your chest. You never know, you might feel a little better once you do.”

“It’s just that…” Jared sighs as he stops walking, running a hand through his hair, silently wondering if he is being stupid about the whole thing and worrying for nothing. “Jensen’s going to college in September.”

Katie just looks back at him, clearly not getting what the problem is. “And?” she asks with a confused expression on her features.

“He’s going away to college in California,” Jared elaborates, stressing the words. “I’ll be heading back to San Antone and he’ll be thousands of miles away. I just… I’m worried the distance will be too much, ya know? And what if he isn’t as serious about us as I am?”

“You think he’s gonna break up with you just because he’s going to college?” She asks with disbelief plain as day in her voice, looking at him like he is some kind of idiot. “Jay, he’s just going to college, that doesn’t mean your relationship will end.”

“Yeah, maybe, but what about the distance?” Jared points out, this being the main thing plaguing his mind. “Long distance relationships rarely work out.”

“You can make it work if he really means that much to you. People have gone to college while maintaining a long distance relationship before, it isn’t uncommon. It is tough, I’m sure, but if you love each other enough you can make it work.”

Jared considers her words carefully, letting himself relax a little as he finds reassurance in them, and he smiles at her gratefully. She just pats his arm, her way of saying you’re welcome.

“You know, if it’s bothering you this much, then maybe you should talk to him about how you’re feeling,” Katie suggests as they resume their walk. “You need to get everything figured out before you go insane with all the questions and worrying. I’m sure you’ll feel much better once you do.”

“Yeah you’re right, I’ll do that soon,” Jared responds quietly, deciding the best course of action would be to sit Jensen down and discuss this. He is still a little worried about this coming September but he feels a little more calm about the whole thing now that he has talked to Katie.

 _She’s actually pretty nice to talk to_ , he acknowledges with a warm smile on his face, glancing at the blonde in question from the corner of his eyes. _Maybe I should talk to her more often._


	5. Chapter 5

-~*~-  
 **Part Five**  
-~*~-

  
July 19th, 1998

Jared opens his eyes with a low groan and looks up at Jensen through the darkness in confusion. One glance at the clock on his nightstand tells him it is two minutes past midnight and his sleepy mind tries to figure out why his boyfriend is waking him up in the middle of the night. His mind produces no answers.

He would question Jensen but he can’t seem to find his voice at the moment. Jensen’s beautiful green eyes seem to be a shade brighter for some reason and all Jared can do is stare, transfixed. Jensen smiles through the darkness and Jared is lost.

“Come on, get dressed and try to be quiet,” Jensen whispers as he pats Jared’s hip, prompting him to get out of bed. “Wouldn’t want Ray to wake up.”

“Where are we going?” Jared asks around a yawn as he tosses off the blankets that cover him and forces himself to sit up.

“It’s your birthday and your family will be showing up in the afternoon. I want some time alone with you and this is the only time we can do it.”

Even though he is tired Jared doesn’t dream of protesting. Jensen obviously has plans and Jared wants to find out what they are. Besides, Jared will take any time he can get to spend with his boyfriend, even if that means getting up at midnight. _Yeah, he’s worth it_ , Jared thinks to himself with a half smile.

Pulling on a pair of jeans and a navy blue shirt that he took off before he went to bed, he toes on his sneakers and grabs his light weight jacket as Jensen takes him by the hand and leads him out of the room. They quietly make their way out of the house, careful not to wake Jared’s grandpa when they shut the front door behind them.

Jensen doesn’t release Jared’s hand as he leads him to the barn where Sidney and Lightning are already saddled and waiting for them. Jared takes note of the picnic basket sitting on a stool off to the right of the horses but doesn’t ask his boyfriend about it, he just smiles softly to himself.

“We’re going riding? Now? At midnight?” Jared isn’t exactly displeased; it is kind of romantic when he thinks about it. But he is very curious and is wondering what Jensen has up his sleeve.

“Yep,” Jensen says simply, smiling widely but not offering up an explanation.

Jared decides not to question his boyfriend any further, more than content to play along and see where this is headed. He pulls himself up onto Sidney’s back, Jensen doing the same with Lightning, the picnic basket draped from his left arm.

Slowly they guide the horses out of the barn, out into the bright glow of the full moon. The way the moon lights up the landscape makes it very easy to see, almost as clear as during the day, but there is something so beautiful and unearthly about it that Jared feels his breath catching in his throat.

Jared tosses a subtle glance at Jensen from the corner of his eyes, his chest swelling with affection at how the ethereal blue glow of the moon makes his boyfriend look even more gorgeous than usual. Jared can’t stop a joyful smile from spreading onto his face as he inconspicuously watches Jensen.

The last thing he expected on his birthday was to go horseback riding at midnight but he sure isn’t about to complain. He never knew Jensen was such a romantic and it is a pleasant surprise. _I guess he’s just full of surprises_ , Jared thinks to himself with a barely contained smile. This is turning out to be a birthday he will never forget, one he will look back on fondly. Your eighteenth birthday is already a special one, but Jensen is undoubtedly doing his best to make it unforgettable. Jared smiles again at the mere thought.

“This is really nice,” Jared breaks the near silence of the night in a soft tone of voice. “You just continue to amaze me more and more.”

Jensen looks over at him with a slight tilt of his head, a warm smile on his face and a playful expression shining through his eyes. “I take it that’s a good thing, right?”

“Trust me, that’s a _very_ good thing,” Jared replies softly, eyes sparkling with happiness.

They engage in idle conversation as they ride side by side, simply enjoying one another’s company. Jared feels so relaxed, so content. He had been close to exhausted when he crawled into bed but now he feels that he would gladly stay up all night, so long as this moment doesn’t come to an end.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Another twenty minutes or so passes by before they reach the field they went to on the day they met, _their_ field, and Jensen dismounts Lightning. Jared watches as Jensen lays a blanket down on the ground before he too, dismounts. He doesn’t say anything as he lowers himself down onto the blanket, his smile says it all for him anyway.

Jensen places the picnic basket down on the blanket as he takes his seat next to Jared but he doesn’t attempt to open it just yet. Jared is curious about what Jensen has brought for them, wondering if his boyfriend has baked anything. He still hasn’t been able to talk Jensen into baking cookies or cupcakes or anything but he hasn’t given up yet.

A slight breeze picks up, making Jared grateful for the lightweight jacket he put on before they left, but all in all it is a nice night. Being here with Jensen is what makes it worthwhile though, seeing the moon caress his face with pale light and how he looks so serene. Jared has never seen his boyfriend look so relaxed before, so happy.

Jared still can’t believe all that has happened this summer, could never have suspected he would meet this amazing guy and fall so quickly in love with him. Jared has never been in love before but he is positive that it is love he feels for Jensen; he has never felt this strongly for another person for it to be anything other than love. By the way Jensen looks at him at times it is pretty safe to say that Jensen loves him too, and the mere thought sends ripples of happiness through Jared.

He can’t help but dread what September will bring though, and as hard as he tries not think about it, it is constantly plaguing his mind. He doesn’t know exactly what will happen to them when Jensen heads off to college and it scares him. Jared will be going back to San Antonio to finish his last year of high school and Jensen will be in California. Jared knows how easily distance can break a relationship and he sincerely hopes that this isn’t the case for them.

They haven’t talked about what will happen to them when September arrives, and part of Jared doesn’t even want to have that conversation, but he knows it will drive him crazy until they do. Jared knows this isn’t just a summer fling for him, and he doesn’t think it is for Jensen either, but Jensen hasn’t said anything so Jared can’t be sure. _I hope our relationship doesn’t end when the summer does_ , Jared thinks to himself as he worries his bottom lip.

“Hey, you’re supposed to be happy right now, why do you look so worried?” Jensen asks softly, nudging Jared’s shoulder with his arm.

“I’m just thinking about September,” Jared replies just as softly, letting out an inaudible sigh.

“You shouldn’t worry about that for the minute, let’s just enjoy the here and now,” Jensen says with a persuasive smile, and what he’s proposing sounds so good to Jared that he wants to just let the subject go and enjoy each moment as they happen… but he can’t.

“I’ve tried not to think about it but I just can’t ignore it anymore,” Jared says with frustration coloring his voice. “I need to know that I’m not going to lose you when you head off to college. This isn’t just a fling to me, but we haven’t talked about it at all and I…”

“You think this is just a fling to me?” Jensen asks, not unkindly, and he doesn’t necessarily sound hurt, just curious.

“That’s the point, I don’t know how you feel about this, about me,” Jared says quietly, looking to his boyfriend for reassurance.

“Jared,” Jensen says his name softly, a warm smile on his lips. “This isn’t just a fling for me either. I really care about you, and what we have doesn’t have to end just because I’m going to college. I will have a phone, we can call each other whenever we want. We can send letters back and forth too. I’m not saying it won’t be hard, ‘cause I’m sure it will be, but we can make this work if we really want it to.”

“I love you,” Jared says without thinking, his mouth working before his brain can catch up with its plans. His eyes widen the second the words are out in the open and suddenly his chest feels tight, worried that he just screwed everything up with his admission.

Jensen just stares at him in surprise for a long moment, seemingly unable to speak. Jared’s anxiety continues to build with each second of silence that passes between them; he is beginning to think he made a mistake and is considering mounting Sidney and getting as far away from here as he possibly can.

Just as he is about to climb to his feet however, he feels Jensen’s hand covering his own and when he looks up he finds warm eyes watching him intently. “You really mean that?” Jensen asks softly, moving a little closer to Jared on the blanket.

“Yes.” Jared responds a bit hesitantly but keeps his eyes locked with Jensen’s, allowing hope to shine through.

“I’m glad you said something ‘cause I was a little afraid to be the first to say it,” Jensen says with a blush on his cheeks. “I was worried it might be too soon and I didn’t want to scare you away.”

“You love me too?” Jared questions, like he can’t quite believe it could be true, his chest swelling with emotion.

“Very much,” Jensen whispers as he grabs the back of Jared’s neck and draws him into a kiss that Jared gives himself over to completely.

 

  
** :0Ж0: **   


 

  
“So… you ever gonna show me what you have in that basket?” Jared asks from where he contentedly lies with his head resting on Jensen’s chest, staring up at the stars.

He can’t be sure how long they have been lying here, tangled in each other’s arms, and he has no way of knowing what time it is. He has been content to just lie here though, sharing the silence with Jensen. This is not typical for Jared; long moments of silence normally make him uncomfortable and fidgety. He is a very talkative person who can’t go for too long without speaking. For some reason though, up until now, he felt no need for conversation. Simply lying in Jensen’s arms has been enough for him.

He has become increasingly curious about that picnic basket sitting just within his peripheral vision though, and can no longer contain his curiosity. Beneath his hand Jensen’s chest rumbles slightly with a chuckle and Jared closes his eyes when he feels his boyfriend run his fingers through his shaggy hair.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to ask me that,” Jensen says, still chuckling softly. “You managed to last longer than I expected you to.”

“Nice to know you have so much faith in me,” Jared responds sarcastically as he forces himself to sit up. “Now show me what’s in it.”

“Did anyone ever tell you that patience is a virtue?” Jensen asks dryly, rolling his eyes as he sits up as well.

“I have been patient long enough, you can’t ask any more of me than that,” Jared replies cheekily.

Jensen doesn’t bother to give a sarcastic comment in response, though Jared doesn’t doubt one is on the tip of his tongue. Instead he turns to the picnic basket and opens it. Jared watches inquisitively as Jensen pulls out two Dixie cups and a couple of paper plates. He places them on the blanket, a paper plate in front of both of them, but he hands Jared the Dixie cup to hold.

Jared’s eyes widen in pleasant surprise when Jensen pulls out a bottle of strawberry wine and holds it up with a satisfied expression in his eyes. All Jared can do is look back in wonder, curious as to how Jensen got the wine. He is only eighteen so there is no way he could have bought it himself.

“I bribed Chris into buying it for me,” Jensen explains, answering Jared’s unspoken question with a sheepish smile.

“And what do you have to do for him in return?” Jared asks as he watches Jensen pour the wine into both of their cups.

“You don’t want to know,” Jensen says with a grimace, avoiding eye contact with Jared.

“Meaning you don’t want me to know,” Jared clarifies with a laugh, enjoying the way Jensen’s cheeks turn an appealing shade of red. Jared believes he has gotten to know Chris fairly well in the short time they have been friends, so he can guess what the man wants from Jensen. “You don’t have to sing with them at their next show, do you?”

Jensen’s cheeks turn even redder as he releases a cough, uncomfortable with the topic, and turns to the picnic basket once more. Jared laughs gleefully, wondering if he can get the information on their next gig out of Chris so he can make sure he’s there. He has wanted to hear Jensen sing ever since he found out that he could, but so far his boyfriend has refused, too shy and embarrassed.

Jared pulls himself out of his thoughts when Jensen takes a container out of the basket and peels off the lid, revealing two fudge brownies. Jared’s eyes grow large as he stares at the delicious treats, his mouth watering from the smell alone. Jensen places one of the brownies on Jared’s plate before placing the other one on his own and tosses the container back into the basket.

“You’re kidding me, right?” The look on Jared’s face is one of disbelief but he almost laughs at the befuddled expression on his boyfriend’s face. “One brownie? That won’t be enough to satisfy my craving! I thought you would’ve known me better than that by now. Especially since you claim to love me.”

Jensen rolls his eyes at Jared’s teasing and waves his hand dismissively. “There’s more back at the house in the kitchen, you can have as many as you want later.”

Jared absorbs this information as he bites into his brownie and closes his eyes, savoring the taste. The brownie isn’t exactly warm but it isn’t cold either. It is by far one of the most moist brownies he has ever eaten, the taste exploding on his tongue and taking over his senses.

“Please tell me you made this because I want you to bake them all the time from now on,” Jared says with a moan of pleasure once he swallows.

Jensen blushes and ducks his head, muttering a whispered “ _Thank you_ ,” in response. Jared smiles and knows better than to tease his boyfriend. Jensen isn’t too confident in his ability to bake and he doesn’t take compliments very well, gets all shy and embarrassed. Now that Jared has tasted his brownies though, he can’t imagine how Jensen doesn’t get compliments left and right.

Jared finishes the rest of his brownie in three bites and then washes it down with some of his wine, the taste exploding on his taste buds. He smacks his lips, Jensen watching on in amusement. He must admit that this is some damn good wine. Not that he has tried a lot of wine before of course, but this one certainly agrees with his taste buds. _I’ll have to thank Chris the next time I see him_ , he decides with a mental nod of his head.

“I didn’t have a whole lot of money, so I couldn’t get you an awesome birthday gift,” Jensen says as he hands Jared a couple of notebooks, the kind with hard covers and special designs. “I know you want to become a writer, so maybe you’ll write your first best selling novel in those.”

“Jen… these are awesome, thank you,” Jared whispers as he looks over each cover, deciding he likes the stone looking one the best.

“It isn’t much, I know, but hopefully they are good enough for now until I have the money to get something better.”

“Jensen, don’t do that, these are great. The meaning behind them makes them better than just ordinary notebooks. It really means a lot that you support me like this. Everyone else acts like it’s just a phase for me, like I’ll wake up one day and realize it’s unrealistic to wanna be a writer, but not you. You’re being supportive and that… that just makes me love you more,” Jared couldn’t be more sincere when he says this, it really does mean the world to him to have Jensen standing beside him like he is.

Jensen just smiles softly and rests his hand on top of Jared’s, squeezing briefly. From there they finish their wine, talking quietly and teasingly ribbing each other, happily enjoying their time together.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
They stay in the field a little bit longer, lying on their backs and gazing up at the star filled sky. When it starts to get a bit chilly they decide to head back to the ranch. They ride back in silence and take the horses back to their stalls, stripping them of their saddles.

Jensen starts to head back to the house but Jared has other plans as he climbs the ladder to the loft with a blanket tossed over his right shoulder, calling out for Jensen to follow him. Jensen does without a word, though Jared can see the confusion and curiosity on his face.

Jared lays down the blanket, his nerves starting to kick in, and sits down as Jensen steps onto the floor of the loft. Jared smiles a little nervous smile as he pats the blanket, motioning for Jensen to join him. Jensen takes a seat next to Jared and takes his hand in his own, caressing the skin with his thumb.

“Don’t you want to get some sleep before Ray wakes up?” Jensen asks softly, watching Jared intently like he knows what is on his mind but is waiting for Jared to say the words. “I know you’re probably gonna have a pretty busy day, you might be grateful for the rest.”

“No, I’m not ready to go back to the house yet,” Jared replies as he takes a deep breath and grabs the hem of his shirt with shaky hands, pulling it over his head and tossing it behind him.

“Are you sure about this?” Jensen asks in a low voice, his eyes watching Jared’s every move.

Jared nods his head in affirmation. “I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” he says as he pulls a condom and some lube out of his jeans pocket. “I want you to be my first Jen, need to have you inside me.”

“Okay, okay, shh, I’ll take care of you,” Jensen whispers soothingly as he lowers Jared to his back and covers his body with his own, taking possession of his lips.

Jared eagerly opens his mouth to Jensen, feeling comfortable and familiar with this. He learned quickly that kissing is one of his favorite things to do; he could kiss all day and be quite happy with just doing that. They are going further than that this time though, they aren’t just making out now, and he tries to will his heart to stop racing at the mere thought of it.

Their languid and sensual kisses put him at ease, and he is feeling most compliant when Jensen divests him of the rest of his clothing. He feels a red hot blush setting his cheeks aflame when Jensen’s eyes hungrily roam over his naked form. The urge to cover his body is strong but he forces himself to relax, take a deep breath, and let Jensen’s eyes drink in their fill.

Jensen’s guitar-calloused fingers run down Jared’s body, searching for all his hot spots. Jared’s breath hitches in his throat when Jensen’s fingers graze his nipple, but a ragged moan escapes him when Jensen wraps his lips around it, alternately licking and sucking the erect nub. He lavishes the other one with equal attention before moving on and sucking a bruise into the skin below his ribs, leaving Jared writhing beneath him wantonly.

By the time Jensen is finished with his exploration Jared is strung out on pleasure and panting uncontrollably, his dick a deep purple and weeping at the slit. Jensen quickly undresses, giving Jared an eyeful of miles and miles of flawless freckled skin just begging to be marked. _He’s beautiful_ , he thinks to himself in amazement and reaches out to thumb Jensen’s nipple as his boyfriend grabs the supplies Jared has had stashed on him for the past week or so.

Jared releases a little grunt when Jensen’s slick finger slowly breaches him; it is a little uncomfortable and feels odd but it doesn’t hurt at all. Jensen takes his time prepping him, his fingers giving Jared sensations he never could have imagined. Each time his fingers touch that little bundle of nerves Jared jerks involuntarily and moans his pleasure, encouraging Jensen to do it time and time again.

He groans in disappointment and protest when Jensen’s magical fingers disappear but his heart jumps into his throat the moment he feels something larger at his entrance. His long forgotten nerves come back with a vengeance but Jensen whispers reassurance into his skin, tenderly kissing his neck, and Jared forces himself to relax. Jensen stares into his eyes for a moment, silently asking if he is okay, and he smiles reassuringly when Jared nods his head.

His breath gets caught in his throat when Jensen enters him; the stretch burns and it hurts in a way he has never experienced before but he finds that it isn’t altogether unpleasant. Jensen is being extremely gentle with him, careful not to hurt him in any way if he can help it, and Jared appreciates the sentiment more than he could possibly express.

He is a bit surprised by how close he feels to Jensen right now. Not in the physical sense but in the emotional. They are connected in all possible ways and it is a little overwhelming to him. An intense feeling of love and joy consumes him, body and soul, as he looks up into Jensen’s eyes with trust shining through his own. Jensen smiles softly, reassuringly, as he moves deeper within Jared, slowly and gently, until he is completely sheathed within him.

Jared has never felt so full before but it is a good feeling, one he wouldn’t mind experiencing more often. He has never felt so close to another person and he feels a little drunk on all the sensations coursing through his body and soul. He has always heard about how intimate this act is, but even in his wildest dreams he could never imagine the actuality of it. He has given a part of himself to Jensen that no other can touch and right now, looking up into bright green eyes, he knows he made the right choice. He knows his heart is safe with Jensen and he is glad he gave his body to him as well, gave him the most precious gift he has to give.

He keeps his eyes open when he gives Jensen the go ahead to move and gasps when Jensen finally does. It still hurts a little, burns and stings in a way that leaves him wincing, but not enough to make Jared want to stop. It feels incredible; he can feel every inch of Jensen inside him, and vaguely he wonders how it would feel without the condom separating them.

Jensen smiles down at him as he thrusts into him at a leisurely pace, watching Jared’s face intently for any signs of pain or discomfort. Jensen is being so gentle with him, making him feel loved in every way and damn near worshiped. His care and tender touch is making this experience easier on Jared, helping him to relax and give himself over to his boyfriend with complete trust.

Jared cups the back of Jensen’s neck and pulls until their lips meet, his tongue sliding deep into Jensen’s mouth as a soft moan is pulled from within his chest. They trade lazy, wet kisses as Jared tightens his legs around his boyfriend’s waist and rocks his body to meet Jensen thrust for thrust. His hands roam over Jensen’s back and chest, tracing rippling muscles and pectorals.

“Oh dear God!” Jared practically screams, voice breaking off in a long, drawn out moan when Jensen changes his angle and hits that spot hidden within Jared that sets him aflame. His whole body feels like it has been electrified, spasms of pleasure wreaking havoc on his senses.

Jensen grins in satisfaction as he starts to thrust his hips in earnest, making sure to hit that wondrous spot each time, and Jared voices his pleasure into the stillness of the barn. The panting of their breath sounds magnified in the still barn and seems to surround them, sounding almost melodious to Jared’s ears.

Jensen buries his face into the side of Jared’s neck, sucking and pressing kisses into the skin beneath his lips as low moans reach Jared’s ears. He grasps onto Jensen’s biceps as he cants his hips and pushes back into his boyfriend’s thrusts, trembling with sweet, blissful pleasure as uncontrollable moans and gasps tumble from his lips.

Jared groans his appreciation when Jensen reaches between them and takes his erection in his hand, stroking in time with his thrusts, bringing Jared closer and closer to his release. He can feel it building and coiling in the pit of his stomach, pleasantly strumming through his veins, promising sweet oblivion.

Part of Jared wants to reach that edge, to tumble over it, but another part of him doesn’t want this moment to come to a close. He couldn’t bear to lose this connection with Jensen but he knows it can’t last forever. _Just a little bit longer_ , he tells himself as he tries to control the oncoming explosion, tries his damnedest to push it away even though his whole body is shaking at the strain.

Jensen is quickly losing the steady pace he had set, his thrusts jerkier and erratic, his own release approaching fast. He doesn’t seem to be restraining himself or holding back in any way so Jared figures he shouldn’t either. He hates to see it end so soon, wants his first time to last just a little bit longer, but the need to come is too demanding.

“I can’t hold on much longer Jay…” Jensen breathes out raggedly, his voice completely wrecked.

Jared jerks and moans when his prostate is stimulated once more, drawing him even closer to the proverbial edge, so close now his body sings with it. “So close Jen… I can’t… harder, gonna…” Jared can’t form complete sentences, words coming out broken, and he just hopes he is being coherent enough.

Jensen leans down, lips grazing the shell of Jared’s ear as he whispers, “Come for me Jay… wanna feel you.”

One thrust to his prostate and a hand on his dick, thumb running along the slit, has Jared crying out as his orgasm rushes through him like an explosion. It is so strong and powerful that his vision nearly whites out as he writhes beneath Jensen, body being reduced to trembles and shivers as he basks in the afterglow of his release.

Jared lies blissful and boneless beneath his boyfriend as Jensen thrusts deeply two more times before stilling when his orgasm hits him, crying out softly against the skin of Jared’s neck where he has his face buried. Unable to hold himself up any longer Jensen collapses on top of Jared, panting breathlessly, and Jared moves his sluggish arms to wrap them around Jensen’s trembling form.

They lie there, just like that, for a few moments trying to catch their breath before Jared gently pushes at Jensen’s shoulders. “You’re getting heavy,” he grunts out, laughing softly at the indignant look Jensen shoots him.

Jared can’t stop the wince that crosses his face when Jensen pulls out and he is overwhelmed at the sensation of loss when he loses that connection, feeling inexplicably empty. Jensen throws his body down beside Jared, breathing still irregular, and the smile on his lips has Jared’s heart fluttering in his chest. Jensen just looks so blissful, so completely fucked out that it’s beautiful, and by the warmth in Jensen’s eyes when he looks at him Jared suspects he is in a similar state.

“Wow…” Jared whispers once he regains the ability to form a coherent sentence, breathing slowly returning to normal. “I’d always heard it was really good but I never could’ve imagined how mind blowing it is.”

“It can be really good when you know what you’re doing,” Jensen replies with a little smile pulling at his lips as he rolls over onto his side and begins tracing patterns into the skin of Jared’s chest.

“You were amazing,” Jared says, not wanting Jensen to make light of the situation, needing him to know just how much this meant to him. “Thanks… for making my first time so memorable I mean. I had been so worried it was going to hurt, but the pain wasn’t nearly as bad as I expected it to be… I’m guessing you have something to do with that.”

Jensen blushes and ducks his head, hiding his eyes away from Jared. “Well… everyone’s first time should be special… memorable, as you put it. I didn’t want this to be a bad experience for you… didn’t want you to regret it or consider your first time to be terrible, like so many people’s usually are.”

Jared takes Jensen’s chin in his hand, making him look up. “It was amazing Jen,” he says sincerely. “I’m really glad you were my first, I wouldn’t have wanted my first time to be with anyone else. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jensen whispers before claiming Jared’s lips in a soft kiss. “You’re not too sore are you?”

Jared winces a little as he moves experimentally. “I’ll live.”

Jensen just smirks and lays his head on Jared’s shoulder, still tracing random patterns into Jared’s skin. Jared is more than content to lie here with his boyfriend in his arms, turning his head and inhaling the conditioner Jensen used in his shower this morning. He silently commits the scent to memory as he tightens his arms around his boyfriend and closes his eyes, not planning to sleep, just resting his eyes.

“Oh, and just so you know…” Jared whispers into the silence between them with a mischievous smile on his face. “Even though I don’t mind being a little sore, I’m topping next time.”

Jensen’s soft laughter breaks the stillness of the barn and Jared can’t stop himself from smiling wide and a bit giddily.


	6. Chapter 6

-~*~-  
 **Part Six**  
-~*~-

  
July 22nd, 1998

Jared follows Jensen to the front door of Jason’s house, silently wondering and dreading what might be awaiting him on the other side of that door. He loves his friends, enjoys spending time with them, but he really didn’t want to do anything special for his birthday. His parents already made a big deal of it and now, three days after his birthday, he is being forced to endure it all over again.

Jensen tried to reassure him, telling him it wouldn’t be as bad as he is expecting and he might actually have fun, but Jared has his doubts. He keeps them to himself though, not wanting to offend or upset any of his friends. Besides, it _will_ be nice to spend some time with them, he just hopes they don’t have anything big planned.

Whatever they do have planned will ultimately have to be better than what his family did. He loves his family with all his heart but they went all out for his birthday, and he was mostly exhausted by the time night fell. Then again, he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He blushes a little when he thinks about it, remembering how it felt to have Jensen inside him.

They haven’t done anything like that since then, just some harmless kissing and a couple of make out sessions, but Jared’s already thinking about when they next can. Being that close to Jensen, connected in a way he has never been with another person, was amazing and incredible and Jared wants to feel that way again. _I don’t think Jen would have any objections_ , he thinks to himself as Jensen looks at him with a warm smile on his face.

Jared mentally prepares himself for whatever he is about to walk into as Jensen opens the door and they enter the house. The place isn’t as crowded as he originally expected it to be, which is surprising but pleasantly so, and it seems that Sandy was telling him the truth when she said only his closest friends would be here.

From where he stands in the entrance he can see Sandy sitting on the couch in the living room with Chris and Steve, a beer in each of their hands. Katie is sitting at the dining room table with Danneel, a friend of hers from work. Jared doesn’t know the redhead that well but she comes and sits with them at the coffee shop sometimes. She seems like a nice girl, even if she keeps to herself, so he doesn’t mind her being here.

Some country song is playing from the stereo in the living room, loud enough to be heard all throughout the house, and now that Jared has a good look around he takes note of the fact that everyone seems to have a beer in their hands. One look at Chris tells him that the man started the party earlier than everyone else. It doesn’t take him long to put two and two together.

He turns swiftly to Jensen, eyeing him suspiciously. “I know what’s going on here,” he says with slightly narrowed eyes, trying his damnedest to be heard over the blaring music. “They’re just using my birthday as an excuse to party, to sit around listening to loud music and drink beer.”

Jensen chuckles softly under his breath and gives him an unapologetic smile. “I said you had no reason to worry about them making a big deal out of this, and you know our friends, they have good hearts but can be pretty selfish at times.”

Jared can’t help but laugh about how the evening is turning out. It would seem that he was worrying for nothing and now he can’t help feeling a little foolish. He will admit that he has calmed down considerably since they arrived and is now looking forward to the evening. Sitting back with good friends and simply relaxing is one of his favorite things to do.

“Hey Jared, glad to see you finally made it,” Jason greets jovially as he exits the kitchen, nodding at Jensen in acknowledgment. “There’s beers in the kitchen, help yourselves.”

Jared doesn’t even have the chance to respond before Jason is passing them by on his way into the living room. Jensen just shrugs when Jared raises an eyebrow in question and says he is going to grab them a couple of beers. Jared follows along behind a second later, leaning his hip against the kitchen counter, his eyes glued to Jensen’s ass as his boyfriend bends to grab a couple of beers in the fridge.

Jensen rolls his eyes when he sees him staring, blushing adorably when Jared wags his eyebrows playfully. He sits the bottles of beer down on the counter and slides his body up against Jared’s, their clothes the only thing separating them. Jared grins down at his boyfriend, wrapping his arms loosely around Jensen’s slender waist and gently tugging him closer.

A warm hand slides around the base of Jared’s neck, tugging him down gently so a pair of plump lips can take possession of his own. Jared is more than willing to go along with this, licking Jensen’s mouth open and slipping his tongue inside. An answering moan is what awaits him the moment their tongues make contact, sliding together like they were meant for this, and Jared moves one of his hands to Jensen’s silky hair, gripping it lightly.

He knows they should get back to their friends; this gathering is for him, even though technically it is just an excuse to sit around and drink beer. He can’t break himself away from the warmth of Jensen’s body though, that moist mouth capturing him under its spell. Besides, he figures they probably won’t be missed too much, their friends are too busy working themselves into a drunken stupor.

Jensen lets out a surprised ‘oomph’ when Jared swiftly shifts their positions, grinning mischievously as he lifts his boyfriend up onto the counter, situating himself between Jensen’s already spread legs. Jensen simply looks back at him with a raised eyebrow, a smile quirking the corner of his lips, and Jared sends back a smoldering look as he gently kneads Jensen’s thighs.

“Well, you got me where you want me, now what’re you gonna do?” Jensen asks teasingly, intense green eyes boring into playful hazel.

“I have a few ideas,” he responds cryptically before leaning in to capture his boyfriend’s mouth in a bruising kiss, nipping at plump lips then licking away the sting.

Jensen buries his hands in Jared’s hair, likely messing it up beyond fixing, but Jared can’t bring himself to mind when his boyfriend’s tongue is doing that thing that sends pleasant shivers down the length of his spine. He grasps Jensen’s hair none too gently, tilting his boyfriend’s head for better access to that warm, wet mouth, practically devouring it. Jensen makes no complaints, moaning his approval as he allows Jared to dominate the kiss, giving his mouth over for possession.

Jared can’t help himself when he grips tightly onto Jensen’s thighs, likely leaving finger shaped bruises even through the denim. His lips eventually slide away from Jensen’s swollen ones and he attaches his mouth to the skin of his boyfriend’s neck a second later. A soft groan escapes Jensen as he tilts his head to give Jared better access, hands gripping onto Jared’s biceps.

Jared relishes each gasp he pulls from his boyfriend, flattered that he has the power to provoke such a reaction from his lips alone. Jensen seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself too, scooting his body as close to Jared’s as he can get as his right hand slides beneath Jared’s shirt and immediately finds a nipple. Jared arches into the touch, moaning his approval as he sucks a bruise into Jensen’s neck for everyone to see later.

“Knock that shit off. You two shitheads can fuck when you get back to the ranch,” Chris says crudely when he enters the kitchen and flicks a rubber band at Jared’s head, hitting his target and making Jared yelp in pain. He fixes his glare on Chris as he rubs his minor injury, but his friend just gives him a bored expression in return. “Now get your asses out to the living room and spend some quality time with your friends. It ain’t gonna kill ya.”

Jensen laughs softly, earning himself a glare from his boyfriend. “Come on Sasquatch, we might as well be sociable,” he says as he pushes Jared gently and jumps down from the counter, handing Jared one of the abandoned beers.

Jared certainly does not sulk as he follows Jensen out to the living room, absolutely not, he doesn’t care what Jensen says. He blushes the moment Sandy sets her eyes on him and they light up at his disheveled state; he feels like dying when she begins catcalling and the rest of their friends join in with wolf whistles. He decides right then and there, he hates them all…

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

August 15th, 1998

The small market is fairly busy by the time they arrive but is thankfully nowhere near as crowded as one of the major food chains here in town. Jensen follows him into the store, grabbing a cart as they pass them, and Jared looks to the list of items his grandpa asked him to pick up. Grandpa Ray usually does the grocery shopping himself but Jared offered to do it instead after he saw how tired his grandpa seemed.

The man has been coming down with a slight cold over the last couple of days and Jared wants to help out in any way he can. His grandpa had smiled gratefully once he realized Jared wasn’t going to budge on his decision and in turn told Jared to get anything he wanted while he was at the market. He told Jensen the same, knowing very well that one doesn’t often go anywhere without the other.

They stop first at the meat counter, ordering three pounds of ground beef and strips for the barbeque his grandpa plans to have tonight, and then they head to produce. Jensen is a silent companion at his side as he pushes the cart around the market, slowly but surely getting everything on the list.

Jensen places a dozen eggs in the cart as Jared grabs the milk. “Jen… who was your first boyfriend?”

Jensen freezes just as he’s placing cheese in the cart and looks up at Jared in surprise. “Why would you want to know about him?” He sounds both perturbed and curious, looking at Jared with calculating eyes.

Jared can’t really explain it, jealousy isn’t backing up his question, more like genuine curiosity. It might be strange to want to know about your boyfriend’s ex but Jared wants to know everything about Jensen, and that includes his first and only boyfriend.

“I dunno, I’m just curious,” Jared says with a shrug of his shoulders. “You don’t have to talk about him if you don’t want to.”

Jensen is silent for a moment as they walk to the next aisle, placing various items in their cart as they locate them. Jared is beginning to think he shouldn’t have said anything, that maybe this is a sore subject for Jensen, but Jensen lets out a sigh a moment later and says, “Misha,” so softly Jared almost doesn’t hear him. The moment that name registers in his brain he stops dead in his tracks and looks back at Jensen in surprise, watching Jensen look away from him, shuffling his feet.

“Misha, as in Misha Collins your friend, the friend I haven’t met yet?” he asks, and he doesn’t mean for his voice to sound so hysterical, because he honestly isn’t jealous, just extremely surprised.

Jensen has mentioned Misha on a few occasions, only referring to him as a close friend he has known for years who is currently out of town on vacation with his family. Jensen has only had good things to say about the guy, so it is obvious that they parted on good terms, but Jared is just surprised that his boyfriend forgot to mention that they have a history. Despite not wanting to, he can’t help but wonder why Jensen failed to mention that. He tries not to feel hurt or think too much into why Jensen omitted this important detail, tries not to wonder if there is a reason for it, but it is damn hard not to.

“Misha and I… well it’s complicated,” Jensen says with a sigh as he runs a hand through his hair and begins walking once more. “We only dated for close to a year, found out quickly that we weren’t right for each other. We have always been better off as friends and I’m just glad we were able to keep our friendship after everything. It was never really that serious between us, I think we were mostly experimenting and exploring, finding out who we were and what way we really swung. It was never meant to last, we both knew that, but I was the one to end it eventually.”

Jared places a box of Honeycomb into the cart as he absorbs this information. “Okay, I can understand that, but why didn’t you say anything to me until now. You had every opportunity to, each time we talked about him you could have just slipped this little fact in, but you didn’t. Why is that?” Jared asks, trying not to sound desperate but he really wants to know why Jensen never said anything until Jared _asked_ him. Jensen knows everything about Jared, about his failed relationship and almost relationships. Considering that Misha is Jensen’s friend, he should have said something to Jared before now.

“It’s not that I meant to keep it from you, I guess I just hadn’t thought to mention it. It’s in the past, I rarely think about it, and when I look at Misha I only see one of my best friends. I’m not sure I ever looked at him in any other way, even when we were dating,” Jensen explains the best that he can, seemingly having some difficulty. “We never talk about it anymore, it’s almost like it didn’t even happen, so I just never thought to mention it to you. Don’t think I didn’t want you to know though, I wouldn’t deliberately keep things from you.”

Deep down Jared knows this; as far as he is aware Jensen has been pretty open and honest with him, and he trusts his boyfriend. One look at Jensen’s face tells him his boyfriend is telling him the truth and this helps to calm Jared slowly, feeling a little foolish for jumping to conclusions and causing such a fuss over this.

Jensen smiles and waves it off when Jared attempts to apologize, letting him know that it is okay and he understands why Jared was so upset. Jared is just glad to put the conversation behind them, focusing on getting the rest of the items off the list and adding a few things of their own here and there. The air between them is easy as they make their way around the market, engaging in idle conversation and playful banter, no sign there was ever any tension between them.

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

Jared sits next to Jensen on the couch in the living room, leaving a respectable space between them so his grandpa won’t get suspicious, and they sit in silence as they watch a rerun of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jensen comments quietly on the episode every so often and Jared will laugh at times, but for the most part both are quiet. Jared is content to just sit here and watch TV with Jensen, the atmosphere between them is comfortable, and it has Jared’s mind racing.

He can almost forget that his grandpa is right outside grilling hamburgers on the barbeque; for the moment he and Jensen are alone, spending a quiet evening at home watching TV together. It feels so comfortable and natural that Jared realizes he aches for this, wants this for real. He wants he and Jensen to have their own home, someday, wants to move in with his boyfriend and share his life with him.

Jared never thought he could feel so strongly about something before, but this is something he _really_ wants. He wants to move in with Jensen sometime in the foreseeable future, wants to come home each night from work with Jensen there to greet him, or the other way around. He wants to share his life with the green eyed boy beside him, introduce Jensen to his parents as his boyfriend; he wants it all.

It is the simple things he finds that he wants so bad, like grocery shopping together and planning vacations, organizing who’s family to visit on which holidays. He wants to fall asleep at night with Jensen at his side and wake up each morning beside him. He wants it all so badly he can practically taste it, can feel it vibrating under his skin.

He knows it is too soon to be thinking about such things - he still has a year of high school to finish and Jensen is heading off to college in the fall - but he can’t deny that he wants this more than he has ever wanted anything. He believes this is something they could truly have though, once he has finished school. He could move out to California and they could rent a house close to campus if Jensen wanted to.

Jared never thought he would actually be considering moving in with the very first person he fell in love with. He always knew he wanted a serious boyfriend, wanted that experience, but he never thought he would be so serious as to be considering moving in with anyone straight after high school. He figured he would be planning for college and excited at the prospect of living on his own for the very first time. But instead, here he is, already planning his future with Jensen. He has to admit that he isn’t displeased with this turn of events, he actually couldn’t be happier with the way everything has turned out.

He isn’t about to mention this to Jensen just yet, he knows it is too soon and he doesn’t want to scare him away. _I could talk to him a month or so before school ends_ , he tells himself in silence, already coming up with plans in his head for how they could do this. _Maybe by then he might be more open to the suggestion, and we could plan everything together._

Now more than ever he realizes he wants to tell his parents that he is gay, wants to tell them that he has found himself a good guy that he loves, and he wants Jensen to meet his family one day. He wants his family to meet the guy that he has fallen hard for, wants their blessing and support, and he would like to meet Jensen’s family as well. He doesn’t know if Jensen would be as keen about the idea as Jared is, but this is something he is going to have to talk to his boyfriend about.

Jared is pulled from his thoughts when the front door shuts and his grandpa heads into the dining room with a plate full of hamburgers. The smell has Jared’s mouth watering and his stomach growling loudly, earning himself a snicker from Jensen. Jared is busy laughing softly with Jensen when his grandpa suddenly enters the room.

“Jared, could I get your help in the kitchen?” he asks with a soft smile but there is a tone in his voice that tells Jared his grandpa wants to speak with him.

“I could help too if you want,” Jensen says as he moves to stand.

Grandpa Ray stops him with polite refusal however, telling Jensen to finish watching his television program. Jensen gets the hint right away as he slumps back in his seat and tosses a wary, concerned glance at Jared. Jared smiles reassuringly, though he can admit he is a little nervous as well, and slowly follows his grandpa into the kitchen.

Jared moves to pick up a bowl of salad on the counter when his grandpa asks him to and grabs a bottle of ranch dressing as well. He places them on the kitchen table and turns to find his grandpa leaning against the counter, mouth pursed and looking at Jared with unreadable eyes. The scrutiny makes Jared feel uncomfortable and that nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach increases tenfold.

 _This can’t be good_ , he thinks to himself while his heart lodges itself in his throat. He can’t be sure what is going on in his grandpa’s mind, but he is pretty certain it can’t be anything good. He has never seen that look on his face before, at least not directed at him, and Jared can’t help feeling he has let him down somehow. He has never disappointed his grandpa before and even the mere thought of it makes his heart hurt.

 _Oh God, does he know?_ the thought suddenly sneaks up on him, causing his hands to sweat and his heart to race in panic. _But we’ve been so careful, how could he possibly know? I’m freaking out over nothing, he doesn’t know, this has to be about something else. What if… what if something’s wrong with him?_ The thought sends a spike of fear through Jared as he stares wide eyed at his grandpa, hoping fiercely there is nothing wrong with him.

“I… I need to talk to you a minute Jare, please have a seat,” he says as he gestures to the kitchen table.

“Is something wrong?” Jared asks, voice small, as he sits down and eyes his grandpa warily. “Are you upset with me? Are you okay?”

His grandpa takes a seat at the table as well and shakes his head. “No, of course not Jared. There is nothing wrong and never have I ever been upset with you. And you don’t have to worry about me, I’m quite okay. I just… I just want you to know that you can tell me anything, _anything_ ,” he stresses this, eyes warm and welcoming as he reaches out to squeeze Jared’s hand. “I love you Jared, and would never judge you. I hope you know that.”

“Grandpa… where… where are you going with this?” Jared asks, voice rough with nerves and slight fear, reassured that his grandpa is okay but still worried about why they are having this conversation in the first place.

“Is there anything you want to tell me kiddo?” he asks kindly, looking at Jared like he knows something and just wants Jared to admit it.

Jared’s eyes widen further, heart nearly stopping in his chest when he realizes what they are talking about. He had a feeling but he had hoped he was wrong. “Are… oh God, you know, don’t you?” He tries to keep any and all fear out of his voice but he knows he fails; he feels like he is going to have a panic attack.

“About you and Jensen?” Grandpa Ray clarifies with a small smile on his face. “Yeah I know, I’ve known for some time now. I just never said anything ‘cause I figured you would tell me when you were ready.”

Jared can’t believe what he is hearing, he just can’t. He knew there was a chance they would be caught, knew they couldn’t hide their relationship forever, but now that they have made it to August without being found out… he just figured they were home free. But his grandpa is telling him that he has known for a while and Jared doesn’t know exactly what to do with this information. What is even more mind boggling is that Grandpa Ray doesn’t seem upset at all, that he is in fact _smiling_ at him.

He wasn’t quite sure how his family would react to the news of him being homosexual, didn’t know if they would support his life choices, but the one he worried the most about telling was Grandpa Ray. He means the world to Jared and he knows his grandpa is kind of old fashioned, so Jared feared he would have a problem with him liking guys instead of girls. _Maybe I was wrong_ , he thinks with the makings of relief flowing through him. _Maybe he won’t be disappointed in me._

“But I didn’t want you to leave here without knowing that I support you,” his grandpa continues when Jared fails to say anything. “I just want you to be happy Jared, and if Jensen makes you happy than I am happy for you. Jensen is a fine young man and I know he will take good care of you; that is all I could ask for.”

“How… how did you know?” Jared asks, voice breaking with relief and love, wanting to wrap his arms around his grandpa and never let go. He didn’t realize until this very moment how much he wanted, _needed_ approval from his family, especially his grandfather, and it is nearly overwhelming him.

“I may be old but I’m not blind,” Grandpa Ray laughs heartily, a laugh Jared knows will be stuck in his memory forever. “I can see that you’re in love with that boy and the same can be said for him; even in all my years I’ve never seen someone light up like he does the moment he sees you.”

Jared can’t help but smile at these words, happiness washing over him in waves as he jumps up from his chair and wraps his arms around his grandpa, embracing him tightly. “Thank you grandpa, you don’t know how much it means to me to know you’re alright with this.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea,” he says quietly as he hugs Jared back. “Now, you go get that boyfriend of yours and let him know supper is ready.”

Jared nods a little dazedly, still reeling from what just occurred, and he turns to leave the dining room. He finds Jensen sitting in the living room where he left him, leg bouncing restlessly, the only sign that he was worrying this whole time. Jared sympathizes; he was having his own panic attack in the kitchen moments ago.

Jensen turns his head to him the moment Jared takes a seat next to him and his eyes nearly bulge out of his sockets when Jared takes a hold of his hand. He tries to pry his hand out of Jared’s tight grip but Jared refuses to let go, simply smiling secretively and waiting for Jensen to stop struggling.

“What are you doing?” Jensen hisses, tossing a glance at the dining room entrance before narrowing his eyes at Jared. “Ray could walk in any minute.”

“He already knows,” Jared says patiently, watching in amusement as Jensen stops struggling and looks at him with shock written all over his face.

“What?” Jensen’s voice comes out a little high and squeaky, and Jared nearly breaks down into laughter the second he hears it.

“That’s what he wanted to talk to me about,” he explains to his shocked boyfriend, snickering softly, unable to stop it. “He says he’s known for a while but was just waiting for me to tell him… and the best part is he’s okay with us being together, is happy for us in fact.”

All Jensen can seem to do is sit in silence for a moment, unaware that he is still holding Jared’s hand, a little tighter than before. Jared gives him this moment to let the information sink in, to let the gravity of the situation settle over him, waits to see happiness reciprocated on Jensen’s face.

“Really?” Jensen asks softly a long moment later, hope clear in his voice.

“Yeah, really,” Jared whispers as he wraps a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and draws him forward until their foreheads are resting against each other. “It feels good, doesn’t it?”

Jensen laughs softly at this and nods his head slightly but he doesn’t say anything. They just sit there together, clutching at each other, letting relief and joy wash over them. Jared tells him that he wants to tell his parents about them soon and Jensen makes no objections, just letting Jared know he supports his decision, and Jared feels like everything is falling into place.


	7. Chapter 7

-~*~-  
 **Part Seven**  
-~*~-

  
August 31st, 1998

Jared watches from the barn entrance as the sun sets on another day and he can’t stop a soft sigh from leaving his slightly parted lips. He leans against the doorjamb with his arms crossed tightly over his chest, like he is trying to ward off the cold or shield himself from torrents of pain. His eyes are troubled and solemn as he stares at the sky, depression rolling off of him in waves.

He knows he shouldn’t be feeling this down, like he has lost his boyfriend already, but he can’t help it. Jensen will be leaving tomorrow afternoon, so Jared only has a few short hours left to spend with his boyfriend and then he will be gone. He doesn’t know if he can stand to see Jensen leave, to watch him drive away. He will have no choice come tomorrow though, and he is dreading it more than anything.

Right now he wishes he could freeze time, stop tomorrow from ever arriving. This summer has passed by too quickly for his liking; the time he got to spend with Jensen wasn’t long enough and he just doesn’t want to have to say goodbye, even if it isn’t for good. Deep down he knows he is being kind of stupid about the whole thing, acting like they are breaking up rather than the reality of the situation, but he can’t change the way he feels.

He doesn’t want Jensen to leave, doesn’t want to deal with the inevitable distance. He wants to spend every moment he possibly can with his boyfriend, like he has this entire summer. He is admittedly afraid of what may happen when they leave the ranch, leave this summer behind. This ranch has been like a safe haven for them, like they are in a different world where nothing bad can touch them, but now they will both be leaving and that just doesn’t sit right with Jared.

A sense of foreboding looms over him and he just can’t shake it. It makes him want to latch onto Jensen and refuse to ever let go, make him stay here on this ranch with him where he feels like they belong. This is not practical though, he knows this, and he will have no choice but to let Jensen go tomorrow. He keeps reminding himself that this is just temporary, that their relationship isn’t coming to an end and that they’ll stay in touch until they can see each other again. He hopes this reminder will be enough to get him through tomorrow.

 _I’m being ridiculous_ , he chastises himself as he turns away and is startled to find Jensen standing behind him, watching him with calculating green eyes. Jared turns his head away, knowing his boyfriend can read him like a book, and hopes Jensen didn’t catch any of the emotions crashing through his system reflected in his eyes. This is their last night together; he doesn’t want to ruin it by being emo and bringing his boyfriend down with him. He wants them to enjoy this night, let the memory hold them over until they can see each other again.

“Hey now, don’t do this, you know we’ll see each other again,” Jensen says softly as he moves forward and wraps his arms around Jared’s waist. “This isn’t goodbye Jay, I’m only going to be in California, and you can write me everyday if you want to… actually I kind of hope you do. This is bound to be tough, on both of us, but keeping in touch will make it a little easier.”

“I know, I know… it’s just hard… I don’t want you to go,” Jared whispers quietly as he rests his head against Jensen’s shoulder, letting out a soft sigh as he clings to his boyfriend. “I wish I didn’t have another year of school to finish ‘cause then I could go with you and we’d be together.”

“Just wait and see, the time will pass really quickly and before you know it we’ll be seeing each other again. I’m sure it won’t be as bad as we’re expecting it to be.”

“I sure hope you’re right. Right now it feels like it’ll be unbearable, but for my sanity I hope you’re right,” Jared laughs softly as he says this, looking up to see a soft smile playing on Jensen’s lips. “I love you Jen, so fuckin’ much that it scares me sometimes ‘cause I’ve never cared about someone so deeply. Now that you’re in my life I don’t know how to be without you.”

Jensen’s eyes soften as he moves a hand to cup Jared’s cheek, looking deep into Jared’s eyes as he says, “I love you too Jay. When we first started dating I never expected to care as much as I do, but I love the way I feel when I’m around you… and being with you… I’ve never been happier.”

“We can really make this work, right Jen?” Jared asks, feeling vulnerable and scared, afraid of losing the only guy he has ever loved, afraid of what awaits them once they leave the ranch behind.

“Yeah, I honestly believe we can make this work.”

Jared isn’t completely reassured, still has his fears, but he manages to nod his head and smile, albeit small, at Jensen. _We can make this work, I’m not going to lose him, everything will be fine_ , he says this like a mantra over and over in his head, letting the words seep through him as he closes his eyes and leans his head against Jensen’s shoulder once more, both of them standing in the doorway of the bar, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

Darkness has long since fallen over the ranch by the time Jensen and Jared head up to the loft, not quite ready to go to bed, wanting to spend every minute they can together, knowing very well that Jensen will be leaving as soon as noon arrives. They lay a blanket down on the wooden flooring and take a seat, Jared sitting between Jensen’s spread legs, leaning back against his boyfriend’s chest. He can feel the rhythmic beat of Jensen’s heart through his back and he lets it lull him into a calm and relaxed state for the first time today.

Jensen wraps his arms around Jared’s midsection, idly tracing patterns into the shirt covering his belly, and it tickles slightly but not enough for Jared to make him stop. He feels content and happy, leaning back against Jensen and closing his eyes, focusing on the feel of Jensen’s fingers on his stomach. All is quiet in the barn aside from the random sounds coming from the horses below.

Jared doesn’t have a watch on him, has no way of knowing what time it is, but his guess is it is late. He is sure his grandpa is already asleep in his bed, unconcerned about Jared and Jensen, knowing they will come in when they feel like it. He has been looking at Jared sympathetically all day, like he knows about the thoughts floating around in Jared’s head, and he has pretty much left them alone to spend their remaining time together.

Jared is grateful for this; he wants to take up as much of Jensen’s time as he can today, but it also makes him feel a little guilty because he feels he should be spending a little more time with his grandpa as well. He will likely see his grandfather again before he gets to see Jensen though, and he knows his grandpa understands, so he tries not to feel too guilty about it.

“I’ve been thinking…” Jared breaks the easy silence between them but then stops just as quickly as he started.

Jensen shifts behind him but not enough to jostle him and Jared can feel the weight of his stare on his head, can see out of the corner of his eye that Jensen is bending his neck down at an angle to look at his face. “About what?” he asks quietly.

“As soon as I get home, I… want to tell my parents that I’m gay,” Jared responds just as quietly, afraid to tell his parents but knowing this is something he needs to do. They will either support him or they won’t, he just knows he can’t live a lie anymore. “And I want to tell them about you.”

“If that’s what you really want to do then I think you should, and I support you all the way,” Jensen tells him sincerely, bending his head down to peck Jared on the cheek. “I’m sure you’ll feel a lot better once you tell them, you won’t have to hide that part of yourself anymore.”

“Are… are you going to tell your family?” Jared asks a bit hesitantly, worrying his bottom lip the whole time. This isn’t something they have really discussed before. Sure, Jared has said that he wants to tell his parents, but Jensen has never said anything about telling his own.

“They already know about you,” Jensen says simply, nonchalantly, like this isn’t the major deal Jared believes it to be.

Jared’s eyes widen in shock the moment these words register in his head and he sits up so fast he nearly makes himself dizzy. He turns his body so he is facing his boyfriend and Jensen laughs at the look on his face, leaning in to kiss him chastely on the lips. Jared’s eyes are still comically wide when Jensen pulls back and he is sure the look on his face must be pretty amusing because Jensen laughs again.

“There’s nothing I don’t tell my parents Jay,” Jensen says like it explains everything, though for the life of him Jared can’t figure out why Jensen hadn’t said anything until now. “I told them on your birthday. Remember when I went outside to phone home? I told them then. I knew I was getting serious about you and I wanted them to know. They want me to take you home so they can meet you.”

“I… I just… I can’t believe…” Jared sputters in shock, unable to string a coherent sentence together.

He is pleased to hear Jensen’s parents want to meet him but he is a little put off by the fact that Jensen has failed to tell him something, _again_. Now, he is trying not to make a big deal out of it, trying to tell himself he shouldn’t feel like he can’t trust Jensen anymore because of something stupid like this, but he can’t help wondering… Jensen has withheld information from him once before, and now this… what else has he failed to mention?

 _How am I supposed to trust him when he keeps things from me?_ he thinks to himself, even though this train of thought was what he was trying so hard to prevent. There is nothing he can do about it now though, the thoughts are there and are nagging at him. _Is he keeping anything else from me? Will he keep things from me in the future? He isn’t lying to me but he is omitting things… how can I trust him when he does things like that? Sure, it may be small now… but what about later?_

Jared hates thinking this way, he really does, but he can’t help it. He may be blowing this way out of proportion, but he honestly doesn’t think he is, because relationships are based on trust and if he starts feeling like he can’t trust his boyfriend… then how could this ever possibly work out?

Whatever expression Jared has on his face makes Jensen frown in concern. “Jay, what’s wrong?” he asks worriedly. “I thought you’d be happy to hear my parents want to meet you. If you’re not ready that’s fine, we don’t have to do it right away. We can plan for a time when you’re comfortable with the idea.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to meet your parents Jen,” Jared snaps, sounding angrier than he wanted to. “Why didn’t you tell me that you told them? Huh? Can you explain that to me? ‘Cause you know, it’s really making me wonder. This is the second time you’ve failed to tell me something, and I let it go last time ‘cause it wasn’t too important, but I can’t this time ‘cause this _definitely_ is! You knew I was wanting to tell my parents about us, and I was a little worried to mention it to you ‘cause I wasn’t sure how you’d react… you didn’t think I’d want to know your parents know about me and want to meet me? Don’t you think that if you’d told me your parents knew it might’ve made me feel a little more comfortable about telling my own?”

Jensen’s eyes widen further and further as Jared rants, opening his mouth several times but unable to say anything with Jared practically yelling at him. A guilty expression quickly grows on his face but at the moment Jared can’t bring himself to care. He is angry, upset and disappointed and every other emotion he can think of. But most of all he is hurt, hurt that Jensen didn’t say anything until now, hurt because he is beginning to feel like he can’t trust his boyfriend.

He doesn’t want to feel this way but Jensen is leaving him with no choice, is giving him every reason to doubt and wonder if he can trust him at all. He can’t help but ask if this will be a regular occurrence for them, if Jensen is going to withhold more things from him. A guilty expression forms on Jensen’s face at the questions but hurt quickly joins in when he reaches out to Jared only to have Jared flinch away from him, not wanting to be touched right now.

“I meant to tell you Jay, you gotta believe me, I was going to tell you. But I guess… I just forgot, and I know that’s not an excuse but that’s the only explanation I can give you. I never intentionally kept anything from you Jay, but I promise I’ll never do it again. I’m sorry.” Jensen’s voice has gone desperate and a little fearful but Jared can’t bring himself to give in just yet, he still feels pretty hurt.

“How… how can I believe you when you’ve already done it once before?” Jared asks softly, hurt and sad. “How do I know I can I trust you?”

Jensen looks as though he has been punched in the gut as he opens and closes his mouth several times before ducking his head and releasing a soft sigh. Silence stretches out between them, tense and oppressing, and Jared is starting to feel the heavy weight of it. It gives him the time to think though, and in the end he just wants to scream at himself.

He is still upset that Jensen kept something like this from him, but deep down Jared knows he never meant to. Now that he has taken the time to think it through he can fully appreciate that Jensen’s parents want to meet him, can feel the joy he was meant to feel. He also wants to yell and scream at himself because the very last thing he wants to be doing right now is fighting with Jensen. Their time together is steadily drawing to a close and he chooses to spend that time by picking a fight? Hell no, he refuses!

“Damn it Jen… I just… I don’t want to fight with you!” Jared breathes out, looking at his boyfriend with a solemn expression on his face. He feels really shitty about starting a fight on their last night together, he can feel it pressing down on him, making tears form in his eyes. “You’re leaving tomorrow and the last thing I want to do is fight. I’m sorry… I… I’m just really sorry, I don’t want to fight. Please let’s just not fight anymore.”

“Hey, no you were right,” Jensen says as he quickly draws him into an embrace and Jared wraps his arms around Jensen’s torso, grasping his shoulders from behind as he leans his head against Jensen’s chest. “I should have told you a long time ago and I’m so sorry that I didn’t. You have every right to question whether you can trust me or not, but I just… I want you to know that you can. You may not believe it now, but you can, and I’ll prove it to you. From now on I won’t keep anything from you, unintentionally or not.”

Jared draws a little comfort from these words, closing his eyes as he moves to wrap his arms around Jensen’s neck. Jensen draws him away a minute later only to claim Jared’s lips in a soft kiss, keeping it light, not attempting to heat it up. Jared is content with this for a few seconds before pushing his lips more firmly to Jensen’s, licking his way into his boyfriend’s mouth.

They remain like this for an unknown amount of time, kissing lazily, tongues languidly sliding together in a well known dance. Neither of them attempts to take it further, content with the pressing of lips and tangling of tongues. Jared tries to memorize the feel of Jensen’s soft lips and the warmth of his mouth, needing to remember everything about kissing his boyfriend for when he can no longer do it.

“I don’t want tomorrow to come,” Jared whispers quietly when he pulls back and lies down with Jensen, staring up at the roof of the barn.

Jensen doesn’t respond, just tightens his arms around Jared, reminding him that they still have this time together, and a few minutes later both are fast asleep.

 

 

**:0Ж0:**

 

 

April 14th, 2008

Leaning against the doorframe of the barn, a bittersweet smile makes its way onto Jared’s face. The day Jensen left for college had been a sad one for both of them. Tearful goodbyes had been said and all Jared could do was stand there in the driveway and watch as Jensen drove away. They had promised to keep in touch, reassured each other that they would make their relationship work out, but that day a part of Jared knew that it was the beginning of the end.

Their relationship lived for another three months before they finally called it quits. They had sent a few emails back and forth, talked through instant messaging a couple of times a week, and even spoke over the phone twice. Talking on the phone was too difficult though, because of the long distance charges. They had kept in touch as often as they could but both of them knew it wasn’t nearly enough.

The distance between them was taking its toll. Most often they didn’t know what to say to each other. The emails became less and less, they didn’t talk through instant messaging nearly as much as they once did, and they just didn’t seem to be able to find the time for each other anymore. They were busy with their own lives. Jared knew they were drifting apart but he just didn’t want to acknowledge it. In the end Jensen took matters into his own hands.

Jared will never forget that phone call he received, will always remember the exact date and time. December 5th, 1998 at seven pm. Jensen had sounded subdued over the phone and Jared had just felt plain awkward. He didn’t know how to talk to his boyfriend anymore, it was as though somewhere along the way he had forgotten how.

They had made idle conversation for about five to ten minutes, a stilted conversation that neither of them knew how to deal with, and then Jensen dropped the inevitable bomb they both subconsciously knew was coming. He didn’t beat around the bush, said straight up that they were drifting apart and had been for some time now. Jared knew before Jensen said the words that his boyfriend was breaking up with him.

Even though Jared knew it had been coming to this, had suspected the end was near, he still cried on the phone. He cried for what he was losing and for what they never had the chance to have. It felt like he was losing everything. Jensen had clearly been upset too, Jared could hear the barely restrained emotion in his voice, but he had held it together fairly well during their conversation.

Ever since that day Jared has wondered if they had just fought harder, maybe they could have saved their relationship. He knows it is pointless to wonder about stuff like that now, it won’t change a damn thing, but he just can’t help it. He still loves Jensen, always did and probably will forever, and he is sorry for the way it ended. He just feels that they gave up way too easily, didn’t try as hard as they should have. _We could have made it work if we had truly wanted it to_ , he thinks solemnly to himself.

He knows he needs to let go of the past, he can’t move forward until he does, but it is just so hard for him to say goodbye. He hasn’t been stupid enough to believe that Jensen would just waltz back into his life somehow and they would pick up where they left things. But Jensen was his first love and Jared has never truly been able to move on with his life.

Jared knows he should let Jensen’s memory go, should try to find someone to love and share his life with, but the only one he has ever wanted is Jensen. He doesn’t want to move on, not really. He wants to feel the way he did when he was seventeen and the world made sense. Every day had been exciting and he woke up eager to face the day because he knew he would see Jensen’s face. He hasn’t felt that way in a long time.

Nothing in his life worked out the way he wanted it to. Growing up he wanted to be a writer, a novelist. Instead he ended up waiting tables at Applebee’s, and before that there were a string of various restaurants. He had hoped to be in a committed relationship with Jensen, living together in a house, their house, here in Texas with maybe a dog or two. Instead he has meaningless sex with a friend he could never love in that way and is paying rent on an apartment he secretly hates.

He hasn’t confessed this to anyone, but the truth of the matter is that he hates his life. None of the plans he had panned out, and he has been left settling with a life he never wanted in the first place.

Despite all this he hopes that Jensen, wherever he is, is happy and everything has worked out the way he hoped they would. Jared has never held any resentment towards him, there is no way he ever could, and he only wants the best for him. Just because Jared is miserable doesn’t mean he wants Jensen to be. More than anything he hopes that the man has found happiness in his life and, unlike Jared, has moved on.

Jared’s attention is drawn to the here and now when his phone begins ringing loudly from where it sits in its holder, fastened to the side of his jeans. One look at the screen tells him it is Chad and he lets out a silent curse, having forgotten all about the real reason he was even here in the first place. _Hopefully they have made up and I can go home_ , he thinks to himself as he flips his phone open and brings it to his ear.

“So, is everything okay between you now or what?” Jared asks, skipping pleasantries and getting straight to the point.

“Things are still a little rocky but she’s agreed to try to work things out,” Chad sighs into the phone and Jared can imagine he is running a hand through his hair right now. “She said this is the last chance I’m ever going to get though, so I better not fuck up again or she’ll be gone for good.”

Jared snorts at this, not believing it for a second. Chad and Sophia have fought more than any other couple Jared has ever known, and Sophia is always saying ‘this is the last time’. He highly doubts she means what she says. He is actually kind of surprised she puts up with all the shit Chad puts her through. She never leaves though, despite all her threats. He thinks she doesn’t really want to leave, and with all her empty threats, Jared has come to believe she never will.

“You didn’t see the look on her face when she said it man, she meant it this time, I fuck up one more time and she’s gone. I think I’ve pushed her too far this time,” Chad says quietly into the phone.

“And what exactly is it that you did?” Jared asks, sounding a little condescending even though he truly doesn’t mean to.

“I thought some dipshit was hitting on her, I got a little jealous and kind of… well I hit him.”

Jared’s eyebrows shoot up, disbelief written all over his face. He had thought it was something a little more serious than that, he can’t imagine why Sophia freaked out so bad because of Chad hitting a guy. Sure, he’s pretty certain Chad shouldn’t have hit the guy, but did that really warrant Sophia taking off and threatening to break up with him?

“That’s all?” he finally asks in surprise.

“Apparently it was some guy she’s known since she was a kid, some guy she grew up with who she considers to be a brother ‘cause they’ve known each other since they were three or some shit like that,” Chad says with honest to God shame in his voice and Jared is caught a little off guard by it. “I ended up breaking the guy’s nose and giving him one helluva black eye. Sophia was really pissed about it, saying she couldn’t take my jealousy anymore and then she took off. I guess he really means a lot to her and me hitting him was the last straw.”

Jared whistles through his teeth. “Alright if you think she’s serious this time then I guess you better get your act together and start treating her right or you’re gonna lose her.”

“Wow, thanks for telling me what I already know Jarhead,” Chad responds sarcastically, huffing a little. “Whatever, I’m gonna ride back with Sophia so you can go home now if you want.”

“Gee, thanks Chad, it’s only been _two hours_. Anyways I‘ll see you back home, I’ll try to enjoy what’s left of my day off,” Jared responds back just as sarcastically, smiling all the while, before snapping his phone shut and sticking it back in its holder.

For a moment he just stands there, between the barn and his truck, looking at the ranch, feeling nostalgic and solemn. Part of him keeps expecting his grandpa to walk out the front door with a glass of lemonade or a sandwich for Jared, that ever joyful smile on his face. That isn’t going to happen though, never again will his grandpa walk through that door, and it makes Jared a little sad as he stands on the property and remembers all the good times he had here.

“I miss you,” he whispers quietly, the wind carrying his words away, before heading to his truck to drive home and start on his plans for the ranch.


	8. Chapter 8

-~*~-  
 **Part Eight**  
-~*~-

  
July 24th, 2008

Jared can’t help but smile in barely concealed excitement as he passes the Richardson city limits with the key to the ranch house a new addition on his key ring. His dad had been surprised to hear he wanted to fix up the old ranch, to bring it back to its former glory, but he hadn’t questioned Jared. He could tell this was one thing his son felt strongly about and gave the keys over relatively easy enough. He was only a little worried about Jared because this is a big decision.

Jared had to quit his job to move down here but he feels pretty confident that he can find another one. He already has an interview set up for a bakery in town that he heard about from Katie. She said it only opened two years ago and was recently looking for help. He also has a couple of other interviews lined up throughout the week. He is pretty confident that he will be able to find work; he is determined enough and has put in applications everywhere that had a ‘help wanted’ sign in the window.

The biggest surprise was when Justin said he would come with Jared to help him run the ranch until he could find someone full time. Apparently the blonde has experience on a farm, something that Jared never knew about but was more than happy to hear. Justin said he needed a change of scenery anyway, needed to get away from Tom and move on with his life. Jared couldn’t have agreed more; he has always hated how Justin pined after Tom knowing he would never see a change in results, and he is happy to see his friend is getting his life in order.

In a way they are helping each other out and that works just fine for Jared. Justin will help him out as long as he needs him to and once Jared gets on his feet enough to hire some help then Justin will find work of his own in town. Part of Jared is just glad that Justin came with him because he hated having to leave his friends behind. He knew beforehand that there was no way Chad would move out here with him, not with Sophia living in San Antonio. Besides, Chad dislikes small towns, is too much of a city boy to move out onto a ranch. He will miss having Chad around but knows they will keep in touch, they always have.

This was something Jared felt strongly about though; he hasn’t felt this strongly about something in a long time, and he knew he had to make this happen. Not just for him but also for his grandpa, because he knows his grandfather would hate to see his prized possession sitting abandoned and left to rot like his life’s work didn’t matter to anyone. That isn’t the case though, because it means everything to Jared, and not just because of the memories he had with Jensen here.

This ranch has many memories, is special to him in so many ways, and Jared hates to see it appear so unloved. Jared knows he can love it just as much as his grandpa did, can get it back in working order and take over where his grandpa left off. He can return it to its former glory with just a bit of help, he is sure of it, and he will see to it that he does. A little hard work and dedication never hurt anybody, and Jared is bound and determined to do this. If he wasn’t serious about this he wouldn’t have quit his job and moved out of his hometown.

One look in the rearview mirror shows Justin’s Honda Civic following closely behind, careful not to lose sight of Jared. It comforts him to know the blonde has his back; Jared doesn’t know what he would have done without his friend’s help. He certainly couldn’t have run this ranch on his own.

That familiar road sign looms up ahead and Jared can’t keep a smile of excitement off his face as he turns down Maude Adams Lane, Justin following him down the old dirt road. The ranch house is just ahead of them looking lonely and rundown but Jared knows it won’t stay that way for long.

He pulls his truck up and parks in front of the old house, his meager belongings strapped down in the back. All of his grandpa’s furniture is still in the house, no one had the heart to take it out and get rid of it, so Jared knew he didn’t need take any of his furniture with him. He never liked any of his furniture anyway, most of it bought at thrift stores and yard sales, all mismatched crap that he always hated and never thought reflected his personality. It was just convenient because it was cheap and he needed it.

Justin steps out of his car as Jared climbs out of the truck, both looking up at the boarded house. Part of him was expecting his friend to be kind of disgusted by the state of the old ranch house - Jared knows the place has seen better days - but Justin actually looks pretty impressed. _Of course, he isn’t Chad after all_ , he reminds himself with a small smile, knowing Chad would be put off by the state of disrepair and would probably run the other way the second he saw the house.

“Pretty sweet setup your grandpa had here,” Justin says appraisingly, the sun glinting off his blonde hair as he squints up at the house, looking it over. “I can see why you’d want to fix it up before it’s too late to, this place has promise and is definitely still salvageable.”

“Yeah, I knew if I wanted to do this I had to do it fast,” Jared responds as he looks up at the house as well. “So, do you want to check out the inside?”

“Lead the way.” Justin smiles as he follows Jared up the old porch stairs.

“Keep in mind no one has stepped foot in here in years, I’m sure it’s accumulated a lot of dust and stuff,” Jared warns, feeling it is necessary, once more forgetting that he isn’t talking to Chad, who would have been his prissy self about it.

Justin just laughs and shakes his head. “I’m not stupid Jare, I kind of figured the place would be dusty… it _is_ boarded up.”

Jared smiles apologetically before turning and unlocking the front door, stepping inside the dark house for the first time in two years. The place desperately needs to be aired out and from what light is seeping through the boards on the windows, dust now covers every surface.

Justin looks around with interest as he walks from room to room, checking everything out, before eventually venturing upstairs. In the meantime Jared heads into the living room, streaks of sunlight dancing on the walls, and he removes the plastic covering the couch. It is still in great condition, the plastic protecting it from dust and anything that could have damaged it.

“This is going to be one gorgeous house once you get it fixed up,” Justin says, whistling appraisingly, as he descends the stairs. “So, where will I be staying? How about in here?”

Jared looks up to find Justin heading into the room off to the right of the stairs, Jensen’s room, and Jared feels as though his heart has skipped a beat. He practically yells ‘no’ before he even realizes he is doing it and when Justin turns to him with wide eyes Jared pauses to assess his reaction. He really doesn’t like the idea of Justin staying in what he still considers to be Jensen’s room, but then that would only leave Grandpa Ray’s room and Jared likes that even less.

“Um okay… well, did you have somewhere else in mind for me to stay?” Justin asks, eyeing Jared warily.

Jared visibly shakes himself and tries his best to smile. “No, I’m sorry, it’s alright if you stay in that room. It’d probably be best ‘cause I can’t stand the thought of anyone taking over my grandpa’s room, I can’t even stay in there, so you can take the room down here.” It takes a lot out of him to say these words, giving Jensen’s room to someone else, even if it is his friend. But it needs to be done, and Jared needs to move on… maybe this can be the first, tiny step in the right direction. _Hopefully_ , he thinks to himself.

Once they bring their things in they quickly get to work on taking some of the boards off the windows, letting in some sunlight and fresh air. Beyond that, Jared decides not to worry about the millions of things that need to be done on the house, they can wait until another day. They still don’t have any water or electricity, but Jared is positive it will be on sometime today, the people at the electric and water company told him it would be for sure. This is a good thing because he doesn’t want to go too long without water.

For now he has a job interview to get ready for though, and it would be wise to look his best. He really needs a job and walking in there looking like a bum would be a surefire way of _not_ getting it. He feels hot and sticky, just from the little bit of work they did around the house, but without water there is very little he can do about it. He makes do with some deodorant and a splash of cologne, in hopes of hiding any unpleasant aromas his body may be emitting.

He picks out his best grey button down shirt and black pants from his luggage, both of which were placed carefully inside so they wouldn’t get wrinkled. Lastly he styles his hair the best he can, using some products instead of water, and then places some respectable shoes on his feet. He doesn’t dress like this too often, more comfortable in a pair of jeans and t-shirt, but the situation calls for decent clothes.

A low whistle comes from the direction of his bedroom door and he whirls around to find Justin leaning against the doorjamb, giving Jared an appraising look. “You’ve cleaned up nicely; if the interview were based on your looks alone you’d nail the job,” he compliments with a smile on his face, smirking when Jared blushes.

“Thanks,” Jared whispers before once more turning to look at his reflection in the mirror, sighing softly. “But I highly doubt my looks will land me a job.”

“It’s a bakery Jare, you’ve worked as a waiter for years now, you have the experience, I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” Justin tells him reassuringly, helping Jared to relax and his nerves to calm somewhat.

Jared glances down at his watch, seeing that his interview is in half an hour. He inhales deeply before letting it out slowly, soothingly, and smiles hopefully at his friend. “Well, wish me luck.”

“You don’t need it,” Justin says firmly and it builds Jared’s confidence, just like he knew it would.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Fifteen minutes later Jared pulls his car to a stop along the curb outside the quaint bakery, groaning softly when he realizes he has fifteen minutes before he has to be at his interview. _Showing up early could impress them though_ , he thinks to himself nervously.

He sits in the driver’s seat of his Ford for a minute or two, wondering if he should go in even though he is early. He figures it couldn’t hurt, at least he isn’t late, and coming in early might give them a good first impression. He really doesn’t want to sit out here in front of the building in his truck like an idiot either.

Decision made, Jared climbs out of the cab of his truck, locking the doors behind him, and confidently heads into the little bakery. The smell of baked goods hits him immediately and already his mouth is watering. If does manage to get the job he knows it will be like heaven and hell all in one because Jared has always loved his sweets and being around them day in and day out will be torture, not just on him but his wallet as well.

A man with black hair and startling blue eyes stands behind the counter, smiling in greeting. Jared approaches with a smile of his own, suppressing the urge to run a hand through his neatly styled hair, a nervous habit he can’t seem to break himself of.

“How may I help you?” The blue eyed man asks in a friendly tone, that smile still stretched across his face. It is an appealing smile Jared must admit, though he quickly banishes the thought because the last thing he needs to be doing is checking out a guy at a time like this.

“Hi, my name is Jared Padalecki. I have an interview today with… uh…” Jared falters for a moment, realizing he has no idea who is interviewing him. When he got the call back all the person over the phone said was that he had an interview at two o’clock. “I have a two o’clock interview.”

“Ah, that’s right, Padalecki,” the man (Misha, Jared reads on his nametag), says in comprehension. “Let me let the boss know you’re here.”

Jared just nods his head, watching Misha head to a door off to the right of them, disappearing behind it. For a moment he just stands there, rolling the name around in his head, wondering what the odds are that this guy would share the same name as one of Jensen’s best friends.

It would seem that no matter what he does there is just something in this town that makes him think of his first love. He wishes he could escape it, put the past in the past once and for all, but it would seem that is unlikely to happen… at least not right away. _There is still hope_ , he tells himself silently with a mental sigh.

A minute later Misha returns and sends Jared back to the boss’ office, showing him the way. The door is already ajar when Jared reaches it but instead of walking right in like he was raised with no manners, he knocks on the door and waits for a response, his nerves returning.

Jared nearly jumps back in surprise when the door flies open, not expecting it. It feels like his heart has leaped into his throat though, when a pair of familiar bright green eyes, eyes he never expected to see again, stare into his own. Jared swears he can hear his heart beating in his ears, his breathing sounding louder than normal, and all he can seem to do is stand there stock still with wide, disbelieving eyes. This can’t be real, has to be an hallucination, his mind playing tricks on him. There is no way that is Jensen standing in front of him, smiling softly but clearly growing concerned the longer Jared stands there unmoving, unblinking.

Those are the same green eyes that Jared remembers so clearly though, still a bright shade and still full of life. Every freckle is the same, same smile and crinkles at the corners of his eyes. He is obviously older; age has agreed with him in the ten years since Jared had seen him last, but he is unmistakably Jensen. It is all just so unbelievable and overwhelming and Jared doesn’t quite know how to react. He had always wondered what he would do if he saw Jensen again but he never actually believed he would, it isn’t often that that happens in life.

Jensen is looking really good though, healthy and happy. His hair is cut a little shorter than Jared remembers, there are no bangs framing the sides of his temples or strands of hair spread across his forehead. The crinkles at the corners of his eyes are a little more pronounced than they used to be, especially when he smiles. This just accentuates his already handsome looks though, and Jared can’t help thinking Jensen is looking even better than he remembers.

“Been a long time,” Jensen says with a kind smile, concern playing in his eyes as he motions Jared inside his office. “You look good.”

“Yeah… uh, so do you,” Jared manages to respond once he finds his voice, moving to sit on the chair placed in front of Jensen’s desk. “So, a bakery huh?”

Jensen chuckles, soft and warm and so damn familiar it makes Jared’s chest ache. “Yeah, who woulda thought?” he jokes lightly, giving a slight shake of his head. “I was going to college to be a chef and then a year in I decided baking was where my true passion and talent lay so I decided to pursue this instead.”

“You got your own bakery, I’d say everything’s working out in your favor.”

Jensen nods. “Business is better than I ever thought it’d be.”

“You underestimate yourself, you’re an excellent baker Jen; it doesn’t surprise me to hear your business is doing so well,” Jared responds sincerely, the nickname slipping out naturally and before Jared has time to censor himself.

Jensen grins a bit shyly, not blushing like he used to do when he was a teenager, and Jared has to admit he is a little disappointed. He used to love making Jensen blush. Times have changed though, things are different, _they_ are different, and technically Jared doesn’t know Jensen all that well anymore, not like he used to anyway.

That thought alone is a bit depressing but not exactly unexpected. It has been ten years since they last saw each other after all; a lot is bound to have changed within that amount of time. Jared can’t help wondering how much has changed though. Is Jensen at all like Jared remembers him to be or are things so different now that they are practically strangers? Sadly, it feels like it may be the latter, but Jared desperately hopes that isn’t the case.

“Anyways, want to get down to business and get this interview over and done with?” Jensen asks as he straightens, smoothing his features into a professional look, then opening a folder in front of him, taking the cap off a pen.

Jared can feel trepidation fill him now that he is reminded of the true reason for his being here. “I don’t know… you don’t think it might be a little weird, considering our history?” he asks quietly, feeling it would be too weird to work for Jensen. _Maybe I should call off this interview and tell him to just hire someone else_ , he thinks as he worries his lip.

“Just because we know each other shouldn’t be a problem Jared. You deserve the same chance everyone else does, and I promise if I decide to hire you it will be because you are most qualified and not because of our history or some misplaced feeling. I’m professional, as I’m sure you are, and I won’t let personal feelings or whatnot get in the way of that,” Jensen says seriously and normally Jared would be worried that he has offended him, but even after all this time he can read Jensen easily and he knows he has done no such thing.

Jensen is just telling him straight that even though he knows Jared and they have a history, he is still going to be professional and leave personal things out of his decision making. He is looking for what is best for his business and Jared doesn’t stand a better or worse chance than anyone else looking to snag the job. Jared respects him for this and it actually helps to calm his nerves somewhat.

Jared lets an easy smile form on his face as he gestures with his hand. “Alright then, interview away.”

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
All in all Jared thinks the interview went well, even though it felt weird being interviewed by _Jensen_. He thinks he made a good impression and Jensen seemed pleased with what he read on the file laid out in front of him and what he heard straight from Jared’s mouth. He can’t be sure he will get the job, but he is feeling pretty good about it and thinks his chances are pretty high. Despite his trepidation to work for Jensen, to work with Jensen, Jared really does want the job just as much as he needs it and he hopes Jensen will call him back letting him know he got it.

He feels a little dazed as he follows Jensen out of his office, a little overwhelmed by everything that has happened since he stepped foot into the building. Misha is standing by the counter, tending to a customer, and Jared takes a second to look at the man. There is no doubt now that this is the Misha Jensen told him about back when they were teenagers, the very same Misha that Jensen dated.

The guy is exceptionally gorgeous, and Jared can see why Jensen had been attracted to him. It is more than his looks though; from the brief time Jared has spent in this man’s presence Jared can tell he is a genuinely nice person. Jared always thought he would be a tad jealous if he were to ever meet this man but for some reason he feels no such emotion. He may have had Jensen first but he didn’t have his heart, not like Jared did, and Jared just can’t be jealous of him in any way.

Jared draws himself out of his observation of Misha when Jensen steps in front of him, saying he will walk him out. Jared obediently follows Jensen out of the building, stepping out onto the sidewalk and taking in a deep breath of fresh air. It is hot out, but not oppressively so, and Jared enjoys the warmth of sunshine on his face. It feels strange standing here with Jensen again after so long but it also feels right. That thought makes him feel both good and sad at the same time.

“So I can be expecting a call from you, telling me if I got the job or not,” Jared says for confirmation and just to say something to break the silence between them.

“Yeah, I’ll give you a call either way,” Jensen replies, squinting against the sun in his eyes, smiling softly at Jared.

“Can… can we maybe meet up sometime and catch up?” Jared finally voices the question he has wanted to ask from nearly the moment his shock wore off back in Jensen’s office. He tries to keep his nerves out of his voice but can’t be sure he has succeeded.

“Yeah, I think that would be nice, you could come over to my place tomorrow if you’d like. I’m not working, so we’d have some time to just hang out and talk.” Jensen seems happy enough with the idea, dare he say eager even, but Jared doesn’t want to get his hopes up, so he tells himself that he must have mistaken the eagerness in Jensen’s tone.

Jared is all too happy to agree and, even though he tells himself not to, he feels excitement coursing through his veins as they set up a time for him to show up. Jensen heads back into the bakery to write down his home address and returns a second later to give it to Jared. All too soon he is leaving Jared, having work to finish, but Jared heads back to his truck with a smile stretched from ear to ear.

He is still reeling from the fact that he has seen Jensen again and he knows for sure that it wasn’t a coincidence. This was a set up, and even though he wants to be upset with Katie for conning him like she did, he can’t do it. All he has wanted for years now was to see Jensen again, to have him back in his life, and now that has happened, despite how sure Jared was that it never would.

Jared climbs into his truck and guides it in the direction of the Coffee House to see Katie and give her a hard time before thanking her profusely. The drive only takes a couple of minutes, the Coffee House being a few blocks from the bakery, and he quickly heads inside. Katie is standing behind the counter but she motions for him to grab a table the second she sees him, whispering to one of her co-workers before joining him.

“So, how’d the interview go?” she asks as soon as she drops down onto the chair across from him.

“It went well, even though I’m sure you already knew it would,” he says with accusing eyes, trying his damnedest not to smile and give away his true feelings concerning the situation. “How could you do that Katie? Why didn’t you tell me it was _Jensen’s_ bakery, that he’d be interviewing me?”

Her eyebrows nearly shoot up to her hairline. “I figured it’d be a pleasant surprise. I knew how much you wanted to see Jensen again; I thought you’d be happy, not chewing my head off.” She huffs indignantly and Jared nearly loses it right there, almost breaking down into laughter but somehow managing to control the urge.

“All I’m saying is a little forewarning would’ve been appreciated,” Jared says, finally allowing a small smile to play on his lips. “More importantly though, why didn’t anyone tell me Jensen was in town? You didn’t think I would’ve wanted to know?”

Katie lets out a soft sigh as she turns her head away, staring absently at the customers coming and going. “It’s not that I didn’t think about telling you Jared, there were many times I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure if I should.”

Jared raises his eyebrows at this, looking at her incredulously. “This is Jensen we’re talking about, _of course_ you should’ve.”

“You don’t get it Jay… I thought you were happy with your life, you had no plans of moving here, so I figured telling you Jensen was in town might ruin things for you,” She lets out another sigh as she speaks, running a hand through her long blonde locks. “I knew you’d probably come running once you heard Jensen was here but… I just didn’t know if telling you was the right thing to do. I mean, I know how much Jen meant to you but it’s been ten years Jay… and I thought moving on was what you really needed.”

“I appreciate the fact that you were just trying to look out for me Katie, but… you still should have told me,” Jared responds, doing his best to smile to show that he isn’t upset. “But you’re right; just because I’ve seen Jensen again doesn’t mean anything has changed. I’d jump at the chance to be with him again but we’re two different people now and I don’t even know if he cares about me that way anymore.”

Silence descends upon them as they sit there together, Katie watching with concerned eyes while Jared is lost in his thoughts.

“Problem is… even though I know I don’t technically know him anymore, my feelings haven’t changed. One look at him proved as much to me, and I just don’t know what to do about it. I’d like to give us another shot, see if we can make it work out this time, but he didn’t give me any kind of sign that he wants that too,” Jared sighs heavily and looks at his friend with his puppy dog eyes, pleading for some advice. “I wish Sandy was here, she’d know if I was being stupid about the whole thing or not.”

“Yeah, no one could keep you in line as well as she could,” Katie says reminiscently, a fond but melancholy smile on her face.

“I miss her,” Jared says softly, tears brimming in his eyes as he thinks about the best friend he ever had. “I miss her so bad sometimes I physically hurt.”

Katie doesn’t respond, just looks at Jared sadly, not knowing what to say. Sandy’s death hit everyone hard but it hit Jared the hardest; he nearly had a breakdown when the news reached him. He had known Sandy the longest, she was like another sister to him, and losing her was like losing a huge piece of himself.

Jared had been at home in San Antonio when he got the call from Katie, Chris too messed up to make it himself. Her death nearly destroyed Chris; the man had locked himself in their bedroom for days and refused to leave the house. He became a ghost of the man he used to be, didn’t want his friends around and wouldn’t pick up a guitar. For a while there everyone wondered if they would lose him too because he wasn’t taking care of himself and his health had started to go down hill.

Sandy and Chris had been planning to get married, even had the date picked out. Jared can still remember the beaming smile Sandy wore when she showed him her engagement ring and Jared had honestly never seen her happier.

Sandy has been gone for six years now, hit by a drunk driver as she was crossing the street. There isn’t a day that goes by where Jared doesn’t think about her, feels her loss like a severed limb. Most days he still can’t believe she is gone and he often wonders how things would be now if she hadn’t crossed the street at _that_ time, how different life would be if she had just waited a couple more seconds.

He hasn’t spoken to Chris in years, the guy sort of withdrew from all of them after Sandy passed. Jared has often wondered how the guy is doing but he hasn’t tried to get in contact with him. _I’ll have to ask Jensen about him_ , he tells himself. It would be nice to know how his old friend is doing, and he hopes he has managed to move on with his life.

“So, how did everything go with Jensen anyway?” Katie asks, drawing Jared out of his thoughts and he is grateful for the subject change. “It wasn’t too awkward was it?”

Jared thinks back to how he reacted when he first saw Jensen and has to grimace. “I acted like a complete fool, totally taken off guard when the door opened and _he_ was standing there,” Jared glares at her, more playful than serious. “But after that I was able to relax and it… it just felt good to be talking to him again.”

“Oh no…” she says with a drawn out sigh, giving him a sympathetic look that Jared decides immediately that he hates.

“What is that supposed to mean?” he asks, a touch more defensive than he meant for it to be.

“I’ve heard that tone in your voice before Jay, as well as seen that look in your eyes, and they never mean anything good,” she says as kindly as she can, looking genuinely concerned about him. “Even after all this time you still want to be with him, don’t you?”

“Uh, Katie, have you even been listening? I already said I never stopped loving him. We only dated for a little over five months but I fell hard for him… he was my first love…” Jared quietly trails off, not sure how to explain this to Katie so she understands what is going on in his head. “We’ve made plans to hang out tomorrow and catch up. It’ll be nice to sit down and really talk to him… it just feels really good to have him back in my life.”

“It’s good that you’re gonna catch up and all but… I guess all I’m trying to say is that I don’t wanna see you get hurt. Being Jensen’s friend might be good for you, but I don’t want to see you let down and disappointed if it doesn’t go anywhere further than that. Ten years have passed, and that’s a long time, a lot can change,” Katie says to him softly, her blue eyes staring intently into his hazel. “I know you think you’re still in love with him and I can tell you really want to give it another go, but sometimes… sometimes you just can’t go back.”


	9. Chapter 9

-~*~-  
 **Part Nine**  
-~*~-

July 25th, 2008

_Sometimes you just can’t go back…_

Those words ring over and over in Jared’s mind, and he can feel himself deflating a little more each time. Maybe Katie is right, maybe he is being ridiculous regarding the whole thing. Just because Jensen is back in his life doesn’t mean they are going to get back together, doesn’t mean Jensen even wants to.

He had possibly been hoping, deep down, that he and Jensen could find their way back to each other if their paths ever crossed, and his hope only strengthened the second his eyes landed on the green eyed man for the first time in ten years. But now, with Katie’s words haunting his mind, he is beginning to think he has been foolish about the whole thing. It would be stupid to think they could get back together after ten years apart; this isn’t a romance movie, things like that don’t happen in real life.

“Maybe she’s right,” he whispers softly as he stares at his reflection in the mirror. “Maybe you really _can’t_ go back.”

Jared lets out a soft sigh as he checks out his appearance in the mirror, smoothing down his burgundy colored shirt and making sure his hair looks decent. One glance at his wristwatch tells him he has twenty minutes before he is expected at Jensen’s, more time than he knows what to do with. He is already dressed (changed three different times before he found the perfect outfit) while his hair is fixed to perfection, and he has sprayed himself with a dab of cologne, wanting to look and smell his best.

Even now, looking at himself in the mirror, he feels ridiculous for getting dressed up like this. Technically all he is doing is meeting up with his ex to catch up on each other’s lives and possibly see if there is any chance of them being friends now, even after all these years. He shouldn’t be worrying about how he looks, shouldn’t feel the need to impress Jensen. But he does feel that need, always has, and it isn’t a switch he can just flip. He can only hope it will go away with time.

 _Yeah, like I’ve had so much luck in that department in the last ten years_ , he thinks sarcastically, resisting the urge to run his fingers through his hair as he turns away from his reflection and grabs his car keys from the nightstand by his bed.

Taking one last look around his room to make sure he isn’t forgetting anything, Jared heads downstairs to where Justin is sitting on the couch in the living room flipping through the channels on the television. The blonde looks up the moment Jared steps into the room and whistles appreciatively, eyes roaming up and down Jared’s body.

“Someone’s dressed to kill,” he says with a slight leering smile, eyes full of mischief. “This guy really means a lot to you, doesn’t he?”

The genuine curiosity and surprise in Justin’s voice has Jared scrunching his face up, not sure whether he should be offended by his friend’s comment or sheepish for being so obvious. “Why do you say that?”

“Dude, you seriously have to ask that?” Justin asks with a look of disbelief on his face to which Jared just raises his eyebrows. Justin sighs and rolls his eyes. “In all the years I’ve known you I’ve never seen you get dressed up unless it was one of your family members’ birthday or a holiday. You’ve only been on a couple of dates and each time you put in very little effort. You’ve never really wanted to be in a relationship, we both know it, but now… I’ve just never seen you go all out like this. It’s nice to see Jay.”

There is so much sincerity in his friend’s voice but Jared lets out a sigh and shakes his head. “I think you’ve gotten the wrong impression Justin, I’m not going on a date, I’m just meeting up with…” With what? An old friend? His ex? Jared isn’t quite sure how to finish that sentence. “I’m just meeting up with someone I knew back when I was a teenager, we’re just gonna catch up on each other’s lives.”

Justin raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying Jared’s explanation. “And you got all dressed up to hang out with someone you knew back when you were a teen? Come on Jay, do I look like I was born yesterday? I’m not buying it. You wouldn’t go all out like this just to meet up with an old friend, no way.”

Jared releases a heavy sigh, knowing there is no way he will get out of explaining this to his friend. “He wasn’t just a friend, he was my boyfriend,” he says softly, forcing himself to meet Justin’s curious stare. “We dated for about five months and he… he was my first love.”

Comprehension slowly dawns on Justin’s face as all the pieces of the puzzle fall into their respective places. “He was the one that ruined relationships for you, the one you could never let go of.”

Jared flinches when he hears this, but he isn’t altogether surprised to learn that Justin knew all along. All he had ever told his friend was that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, but Justin is smart, observant, and it was only a matter of time before he worked out that Jared was still in love with someone and that was why he didn’t want to be committed to anybody. Hearing Justin say it out loud like that though, stating the truth, doesn’t make it any easier on Jared.

How he feels for Jensen, after all this time, makes him feel pathetic. He should have moved on with his life long ago, he is sure that Jensen did, and to know that he didn’t and still hasn’t… it makes him think there is something wrong with him. Who holds onto someone for ten years when they know there is very little hope of seeing that person again? _Apparently I do_ , he thinks sardonically, smirking mockingly at himself.

“I was in love with him… and if I’m honest, I still am…” Jared says softly, shrugging his shoulders with a soft but sad smile on his face. “I knew I needed to let him go but I just couldn’t do it. No one I met compared to him, never came close, so I stopped trying to date. Deep down I knew I didn’t want anyone but him and trying to force myself into a new relationship wouldn’t work, wouldn’t be fair to the other person.”

“You think you and him have any chance of getting back together?” Justin asks quietly, looking at him with sympathetic eyes but trying to be hopeful for Jared’s sake. Jared is grateful to his friend for this but he is being practical about it too; ten long years now stand between him and Jensen and the chances of them ever getting back what they had are slim to none.

“I wish there was a chance but I don’t honestly think there is,” he says softly, sadly, before turning and leaving the house, saying he will be back later.

_Sometimes you just can’t go back…_

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared pulls up in front of Jensen’s house five minutes early, parking the truck in the driveway and killing the engine. For a moment he sits there in silence, leaning against the steering wheel as he looks at the white and grey house. He isn’t quite sure what he imagined Jensen’s house would look like but it is a homely looking place. There isn’t anything overtly special about it, just an ordinary white bungalow with a grey trim to match the shutters on the windows. Somehow the place just screams _Jensen_ though and Jared’s chest aches as he stares at it.

Knowing he will feel stupid if Jensen catches him just sitting in his truck staring at the house, Jared climbs out and follows the path up to the front door, his nerves kicking into high gear as anticipation courses through his veins. He raps on the door after taking a deep breath to calm himself and can’t stop a smile from spreading across his face when the door finally opens and Jensen is standing there, looking so comfortable and relaxed.

A grin forms on Jensen’s face the moment he sees Jared, eyes shining brightly as he ushers Jared into the house and shuts the door behind him. Jared drinks in the sight of his first love, pleased to see him looking more laidback than yesterday. The cotton t-shirt he is wearing looks soft to the touch and the jeans on his hips appear to be well worn in, the color faded. He is dressed simply, obviously not dressed to impress, but Jared thinks he couldn’t look more attractive right now.

 _I have it bad_ , he tells himself with a mental frown but pushes these thoughts away and follows Jensen into the kitchen.

“You want something to drink?” Jensen asks as he grabs a coffee mug from one of the cupboards.

“Coffee is fine,” Jared responds as he takes a seat at the kitchen table, observing Jensen in his element as he fills two mugs with rich coffee.

The man still moves with a natural grace he always seemed to have, and it all feels so familiar yet so alien at the same time; it makes Jared ache in so many different ways. This is the same man he fell in love with years ago - there are telltale signs that the boy he knew resides inside the man - but there are subtle differences as well, changes that Jared yearns to learn.

After doctoring Jared’s coffee up with cream and sugar, just the way he likes it, Jensen joins him at the table. Jared is a little flattered that Jensen would remember such a simple thing after all these years, but he knows he shouldn’t allow it to get his hopes up. Just because Jensen remembers how Jared takes his coffee doesn’t mean anything, at least not what Jared wishes it meant.

 _Get it out of your head Padalecki_ , he tells himself silently, _friendship is all you’re likely to get._

“So, why did you come back to Richardson?” Jared asks out of genuine curiosity. He always assumed Jensen would move to the city, or somewhere in California, and work at some high class restaurant.

“This is my home,” Jensen replies with a shrug, looking down into his coffee mug. “I went to California with high hopes, dreamed of being a famous chef, but after a few years I realized this was where I was always meant to be. I missed home too much and I knew I had to come back; this is where I belong.”

Jared nods his head, kind of understanding where Jensen is coming from. Jared had never expected to pack everything up and move down here permanently, but somehow here he is and for the first time in a while he feels like he is right where he belongs. It is an odd feeling, strange to think about, but somehow he knows that he is finally on the right track to happiness and it feels better than he ever could explain.

“How about you though?” Jensen asks, truly wanting to know how Jared is doing. “How’s your writing coming along?”

Jared can’t stop himself from flinching slightly as he lets out a sigh and avoids Jensen’s eyes. “That… uh… never panned out, unfortunately, for me,” He chuckles as he says this, feeling uncomfortable with the subject. “I still like to write but I’m a little more realistic about it now. It’s just a hobby, not gonna make a living out of it or anything.”

Jensen frowns at this, looking at Jared like he is trying to figure him out but can’t. Jared had always been so passionate about writing and was determined to become an author. _Now I sound like my family_ , Jared muses with a wry grin. When he was a teenager he never would have said his dream was unrealistic, but that was then and this is now. He had to grow up, had to realize that a dream doesn’t pay the bills.

His family constantly told him he was being unrealistic, so they likely played a part in him giving up his dream, but they aren’t completely to blame. He realizes that he probably just didn’t try hard enough to get noticed, didn’t try hard enough to get any of his work published. So really, who is to blame? _Myself_ , he answers his own question with an internal sigh.

“I don’t think it’s unrealistic,” Jensen finally says after a moment. “I’ve read some of your stuff Jay, you’re a very talented writer. You could get published if you tried, I’m sure of it.”

Jared has to smile a little when he hears this. _He always did have so much faith in me_ , he thinks fondly. Jared still enjoys writing but he can say with complete and total honesty that he isn’t sure he even wants to pursue a writing career anymore. He has too much going on right now, more important things. Maybe he will try to get published again one day, but he wouldn’t make any promises.

“I’m not too disappointed about it not working out,” Jared says with a genuine smile, showing that he is telling the truth. “I just recently moved into the old ranch house and getting it fixed up is my main priority right now.”

“I heard about Ray,” Jensen responds with remorse on his face and sadness in his eyes. “I’m really sorry Jay, I know how much you loved him. I’m sorry about Sandy too. I wanted to call when I heard about the accident but… well at the time I wasn’t sure if you’d want to hear from me or not.”

“I wouldn’t have been upset, if that’s what you thought,” Jared says softly, looking at Jensen with warm eyes. “Okay, it probably would’ve been awkward,” he concedes with a laugh when Jensen gives him an incredulous look. “How has Chris been? He cut all contact after her death.”

“He had a really tough time with it, losing her… I was a little afraid we’d lose him too. He was in a bad place back then but he has gotten his life in order and is doing better. He has never loved anyone as much as he loved Sandy, and it took him a while, but with time he was able to accept that she was gone and he’s doing well. He’s living with Steve in L.A. now and dating again.”

“Yeah, I kind of lost contact with Steve and Jason after Chris stopped talking to us, but that’s mainly ‘cause they moved to L.A. Steve writes an email every once in a while but other than that I hardly hear from him. I heard their band got signed though.”

“Yeah, they got signed a few years ago. They’re doing really well too, not that I expected anything less,” Jensen laughs softly, eyes shining with joy for their friends’ success.

Jared opens his mouth to respond but the sound of the front door opening and then slamming closed a second later interrupts him. His instant thought is that Jensen’s boyfriend or girlfriend just got home and it has his heart nearly jumping into his throat. For some reason he hadn’t considered the idea of Jensen being in a relationship. It is all he can think about now though, and he feels stupid about the disappointment that crashes down upon him because of it.

 _Of course he’d be in a relationship you idiot, this is Jensen we’re talking about, who wouldn’t want to be with him?_ Jared berates himself in silence. _Besides, you already knew you could only have his friendship, stop feeling so disappointed and be thankful for what you have!_

“Hey dad!” A little boy’s voice resonates throughout the house, catching Jared completely off guard. “Riley wants to know if I can spend…”

A little boy who is the spitting image of Jensen skids to a stop the second he sees Jared, his voice trailing off as he stares at him with wide, bright green eyes, wary but curious. Jared is a little shell-shocked to learn that Jensen is a father but he still manages to smile warmly at the little boy.

The boy doesn’t smile back, just continues to look at Jared like he isn’t sure what to make of him. He has the same hair as Jensen and his brilliant green eyes are identical to his dad’s, he even has freckles scattered across his cheeks and nose. There is no mistaking that he is Jensen’s son and Jared is still trying to absorb this information.

“What did I tell you about slamming the door,” Jensen says beseechingly but he still turns to Jared with a proud smile on his face. “This is my son, Jayden.”

Jared can’t help but grin widely when he learns the kid’s name, silently wondering if he had anything to do with Jensen’s choice in name; he always called him Jay after all. _God can I sound more conceited?_ He nearly rolls his eyes along with this thought but manages to catch himself just in time.

“Hi there Jayden, I’m Jared,” he says with a friendly smile but it swiftly disappears when Jayden’s eyes widen and he runs to Jensen, hiding behind him.

Jensen laughs and smiles apologetically at Jared. “Sorry ‘bout that, he’s kinda shy,” he says before turning to his son. “Jared’s an old friend of mine, aren’t you going to tell him hi?”

“Oh no, he doesn’t have to if he doesn’t want to,” Jared protests, not wanting to make the little boy uncomfortable. He can tell that Jayden is painfully shy and, believe it or not, Jared had been extremely shy when he was a kid too.

Despite knowing he doesn’t have to say anything, Jayden peeks around Jensen’s body and quietly says, “Hi Jared,” before blushing and hiding once more.

Jared and Jensen share a laugh at the boy’s actions and Jared watches fondly as Jensen turns and asks his son what he was screaming about when he first entered the kitchen.

“Riley wants to know if I can spend the night. Can I dad, please?” Jayden looks up at his dad with puppy eyes that he must have perfected because even Jared is affected by them. He imagines Jayden gets his way often.

“As long as it’s okay with his parents then I see no problem with it.”

A blinding grin works its way onto Jayden’s face as he tightly wraps his arms around Jensen’s waist and enthusiastically says _“thank you”_ over and over. He lets go a second later and asks if he can have a sandwich. Jensen turns to Jared, excusing himself from their conversation long enough to fix his son a turkey sandwich, and when he walks over to one of the cupboards in the kitchen Jayden stands there like he doesn’t know what he should do.

He hesitantly moves closer to Jared, watching him intently as he takes a seat on Jensen’s abandoned chair. “Do you like dinosaurs?” he asks so quietly that Jared has to strain to hear him.

Jared nods, encouraged by the fact that the kid is actually talking to him. “I’ve liked them ever since I was about your age actually. The T-Rex has always been my favorite.”

Jayden’s eyes light up with excitement as he leans his elbows on the table and looks at Jared as though he is his new best friend. “Mine too!” he says a little over excitedly, his whole face practically beaming with joy. “Dad likes the long necks.”

Jared has to laugh at the way the little boy rolls his eyes and sighs as though disappointed. _I like this kid already_ , he thinks in amusement as he finds Jensen’s eyes across the room and smirks at him. Jensen just glares back playfully and shakes his head before turning back to his task.

“What about Pirates of the Caribbean?” Jayden asks with an air of innocence only a child can have, and Jared is already completely in love with him. “Do you like that?”

“Yeah I’m a fan of those movies,” Jared responds with a smile, completely enamored with this kid. He has always loved kids, but there is just something about this little boy that he can’t help adoring.

Jayden lights up at this answer and is practically bouncing in his seat. “Do you want to watch the first movie? I can go put it in.”

Jared opens and closes his mouth like a fish out of water, not really wanting to watch a two and a half hour movie right now but not wanting to see Jayden’s face fall either. He is saved from this predicament when Jensen intervenes, smiling knowingly at Jared.

“Not today Jay, Jared’s here to see me. But if you ask nicely maybe he’ll come over and watch the movie with you another day.”

Jayden is obviously disappointed, if the pout on his face is anything to go by, but he seems to know better than to argue or complain. Instead he nods his head, reluctantly, and looks up at his dad with those puppy eyes still in full effect. “Can I watch the movie then?”

“Sure, that’d be okay, you can even eat your lunch in there, but you have to sit at the coffee table,” Jensen says as he hands his son a plate with his sandwich on it. Jayden’s face brightens, all disappointment vanished in the wake of his dad’s words as he quickly runs from the room. “And don’t make a mess,” Jensen calls after him.

“He really likes those movies,” Jared comments with a small laugh once Jayden has left the room.

“It’s his latest obsession, last month it was Jurassic Park and now it’s Pirates of the Caribbean. He wants to be Captain Jack when he grows up,” Jensen responds with a laugh and a shake of his head as he joins Jared at the table. “He goes through so many phases it’s hard to keep up sometimes.”

“Well you’re very lucky, he’s a really great kid,” he praises, enjoying the smile it brings to Jensen’s face. “How old is he?”

“He just recently turned six. He’s growing up so fast, it’s kind of crazy. He’s my whole world though, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him,” Jensen’s eyes are shining as he looks up at Jared. “It’s kind of funny you know, ‘cause growing up I never thought I’d want kids, but now I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“Where’s his mom?” Jared asks as nonchalantly as he can, trying not to make it sound like he is fishing for information (even though he technically is).

“She lives in California. She never really wanted to be a mom, is too focused on her career, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love Jayden. She is trying to make it big as an actress and having Jayden around makes that difficult so she gave me full custody of him. She flies out on his birthday and the holidays to see him, and she’ll bring him out to Cali during the summer, but for the most part he lives with me.”

“I guess that means things didn’t work out between you two huh? I’m sorry.” Jared isn’t really sorry; maybe he is a little because of Jayden, that can’t be easy on a kid, but he’s also not sorry for selfish reasons.

“Her and I… we just wanted different things. We tried to make it work, at least for Jayden’s sake, but deep down we both knew it’d be best to just go our separate ways,” Jensen says with a small smile, not sounding all that upset about it.

“What happened? How did you guys meet?” Jared asks before he can stop himself. He’s not too sure he wants to hear about Jensen with someone else, but at the same time he has a morbid curiosity to know that he can’t deny.

“I met Jenna about a year after you and I broke up. And shut up about the names, people have picked on us enough about it,” Jensen says with a glare that lacks heat when he sees Jared snicker softly.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” Jared says, placating, but still snickering softly. “Go ahead, please continue.”

Jensen rolls his eyes but seems more amused by Jared’s behavior than offended. “Anyways as I was saying, I met her at the record store she was working at and we kind of just hit it off. Long story short, she got pregnant with Jayden two years later so I asked her to marry me. To be honest though, I don’t think I ever really wanted to marry her because every time she tried to set a date I just kind of found a way to change the subject.”

“Then why did you ask her to marry you if that wasn’t what you really wanted?” Jared asks, feeling a little choked up at the thought of Jensen marrying somebody.

“I guess I was just trying to do the whole ‘good man’ thing. I mean we were having a baby together, the right thing to do was marry her,” Jensen laughs, a soft, critical laugh that says he thinks he was stupid back then. “By the time Jayden was born though, she was done being patient, told me to man up and commit to her already.”

Jensen’s laugh is anything but humorous and Jared almost grimaces in sympathy. “Did you set a date then?”

“Yeah, we set it, but things just went downhill from there,” Jensen says with a sigh as he rises from his chair and heads to the coffee maker, pouring himself another cup. Jared thinks it is more so he is doing something, needing to move, because Jensen has always been this way when talking about serious things like this. “We started fighting all the time, could hardly be in the same room without getting on each others nerves. I knew it was ‘cause I didn’t love her like that anymore and I felt trapped, not really wanting to be with her but feeling obligated at the same time.”

Jensen returns to the table with a fresh cup of coffee and gives Jared a little smile. “We both knew we couldn’t live like that much longer so we sat down one night and had a talk, decided it’d be best if we just split up and shared custody of Jayden.”

Jared frowns in confusion, narrowing his eyes as he looks at the man across from him. “But I thought you said you have sole custody of him?”

“I do _now_ , but at first we shared custody,” Jensen says, giving Jared a smile, skin crinkling at the corners of his eyes. “Then she decided she wanted to go back to pursuing her acting career, like she was doing when we first met, and when it seemed she was getting somewhere with it she decided to give me full custody. Jenna is pretty cool about everything though. I wouldn’t say we’re friends exactly but we’re civil with each other and she never tried to keep my son from me, so I have that to be thankful for.”

Jared nods in understanding as he returns Jensen’s smile. “I’m glad everything worked out so well for you.”

“Enough about me though, how’s everything going for you?” Jensen asks, taking a drink of his coffee and giving Jared his full attention. “What have you been doing with your life in the ten years since I last talked to you? Are you in a relationship?”

He asks this last question so casually, so nonchalant, that it sounds like he’s just curious about all aspects of Jared’s life. But Jared sincerely doubts that is why Jensen asked, and the mere thought has hope rising inside of him, flaring hot and bright.

“I’m not in a relationship right now, haven’t been for a little while to be completely honest,” Jared answers after a moment, not admitting that Jensen was technically his last relationship, fearing that would make him sound pathetic. “And I haven’t been doing anything special with my life that is worth talking about,” he continues before Jensen can question him on the reason for his relationship status, which he could tell Jensen wanted to.

“Aw come on, I’m sure that’s not true,” Jensen responds with an adorable smile, urging Jared with his eyes.

“I’m serious, my story is nowhere near as interesting as yours is,” Jared insists with a sheepish smile.

“Let me be the judge of that.”

Jared rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “There’s not much to tell. After high school I planned to go to college but I wanted to take a break first, about a year or so, but somehow a year turned into three. Around the time I finally decided to go to college I was only there for probably close to a year, maybe a little over, and then Sandy was killed so… I dropped out, it was just too hard on me.”

“I’m so sorry Jared,” Jensen says sincerely, sympathy written all over his face. “I can’t imagine how horrible that must’ve been for you.”

“Yeah…” Jared whispers somewhat sadly before shaking himself out of memories of his best friend. “From there I went through a string of restaurants, working as a waiter. I worked at a grocery store for about a year and a half but for the most part I’ve always found jobs as a waiter. I hated it though, it was never what I wanted to do with my life, so when the idea came to fix up and run Grandpa Ray’s ranch I fought to make it happen. Quit my job and packed up everything I own, moved down here as soon as I could.”

“I was meaning to ask you how that was going. Do you have someone helping you out?” Jensen asks curiously, leaning his elbow on the table top while resting the side of his head on the heel of his hand, watching Jared intently.

“A good friend of mine, Justin, moved down here with me to help out until I can find someone a little more permanent,” Jared answers with a relieved smile on his face, trying not to blush under the weight of Jensen’s stare. “I couldn’t be more grateful ‘cause I don’t think I would’ve been able to do this if it weren’t for him. I certainly can’t run the place all on my own.”

“Yeah, you’re going to need a few ranch hands, it’s definitely not a one person job,” Jensen agrees with a nod of his head. “If you need any help, anything at all, just let me know. I’ll help if I can.”

Jared smiles his thanks before ducking his head, trying to escape Jensen’s heavy stare. _How is it that he can still affect me this way?_ he muses silently in amazement, his stomach tumbling in excitement. He takes a drink of his coffee, glancing up at Jensen over the rim of his mug, his heart skipping a beat at the intense look in those brilliant green eyes. He can’t read the expression deep inside them, but it makes his heart beat a little faster so he assumes it has to be something good.

“So, now that we’re both back in town, can we hang out again sometime?” Jared asks as calmly as he can, his voice wavering with nerves just slightly, afraid of what Jensen might say. “Maybe we could get coffee.”

Jensen is quiet for a moment, looking at Jared as though assessing him, like he is trying to figure out what his motives are. Jared will admit his motives aren’t entirely innocent; he is still interested in Jensen and would love to see if the chemistry is still present, if they could get back what they gave up so easily, but he is more than willing to settle with friendship. He just wants Jensen back in his life, in any way, shape or form.

“Yeah, coffee sounds good,” Jensen finally answers, a shy smile pulling at his lips, green eyes bright and clear. “Just give me a date and time and I’ll be there.”

Jared smiles again, encouraged, and licks his parched lips before ducking his head once more. _Don’t get your hopes up_ , he tells himself over and over but he knows it is far too late, hope has blossomed in his chest and there is nothing he can do about it now.

The way Jensen looks at him, the way he smiles at Jared is how he used to back when they were dating, and it gives Jared reason to believe that Jensen may not be completely over him either.


	10. Chapter 10

-~*~-  
 **Part Ten**  
-~*~-

  
August 1st, 2008

Justin is close behind him as they enter the bakery and Jared has to snicker behind his palm at the way his friend lights up at the sight of Misha. It is no secret to anyone besides Misha that Justin has a crush on the blue eyed cutie. Justin is pretty obvious about it, and Jared has to wonder if Misha is really that oblivious or if he knows Justin is into him and just isn’t saying anything.

Jared has to smile whenever they are around each other because in his opinion they would make a really cute couple. He can’t tell if Misha is interested in Justin at all though, and every time he asks Jensen about it the green eyed man just shrugs and says he doesn’t know, that Misha keeps things like that very well hidden.

Jared hopes Misha is into Justin though, because he is thinking about trying to set them up on a date. He hasn’t come up with a plan of how he will do this yet, doesn’t even know if it is something he will in fact do, but if neither of them make a move of some kind soon he thinks an intervention might be in order.

He has never seen Justin interested in anyone that wasn’t Tom Welling, so it is nice to see him actually moving on. His friend deserves to be happy and Misha is a nice enough guy; they could be really good for each other. No matter how many times Jared tells him he should just ask Misha out however, Justin refuses.

He isn’t usually the shy type, but with Misha it is different. Jared thinks Justin is afraid of rejection - and that is really saying something since Justin doesn’t normally have any problems asking someone out - and that makes him think that Justin must really like Misha if that’s what he’s afraid of. This is why Jared wants to set them up so badly. He doesn’t know if he should though, because it really is none of his business and he doesn’t want Justin to get mad at him for interfering.

 _Wish I knew what I should do_ , he thinks with a mental shake of his head as they near the front counter.

He feels a smile growing on his own face the moment he catches sight of Jensen coming out of the back room, a fresh batch of brownies in hand. Jensen smiles warmly in return before turning to the glass case beside the front counter where various treats are on display. Jared watches as Jensen places the brownies in the case and grins happily when Jensen hands him one.

Not one to turn down free food, Jared takes the brownie gratefully and bites into it, savoring the taste as it explodes on his taste buds. The other three men in the room watch him with amused expressions on their faces as he moans his appreciation, but he just grins goofily and takes another bite.

“I’ll admit your brownies are damn good Jen, but he’s making them look orgasmic,” Misha laughs as he shakes his head in disbelief and looks at Jared like he is crazy.

“I have a special place in my heart for these brownies,” Jared responds with a nod of his head before turning to Jensen. “You should’ve given me the job here, would’ve been nice to be around all these sweets day in and day out.”

“I tried to but the Coffee House snatched you up before I could,” Jensen defends himself before a smirk forms on his lips. “Though I’m thinking it might’ve been a good idea you didn’t wait for my call, otherwise I wouldn’t have any baked goods to sell to customers; you would’ve eaten them all.”

Jared sticks his tongue out at the gibe before finishing off what is left of the brownie and leaning his elbows on the counter, watching the two men behind it. Jensen leans against it as well, close enough that Jared can feel his body heat on his right arm. The urge to lean across the space separating them and press his lips to the skin of Jensen’s jaw is strong but he manages to restrain himself, a little afraid to find out how Jensen would react.

Over the past week they have spent a lot of their free time together, catching up on each other’s lives and relearning one another, slowly growing closer. In a lot of ways Jensen has changed quite a bit but at the same time he is still the same guy that Jared remembers. The changes are basically just his maturity showing through; he is a lot more responsible than he used to be, even though at eighteen he was pretty responsible already. Having a kid has changed him though, changed his priorities, and Jared loves watching him with his son.

There is no doubt that Jensen is a terrific dad and seeing him with Jayden can be rather heartwarming. It is obvious that his world revolves around his son and that he would do anything for Jayden. Jared can understand perfectly; he has grown to love the kid as well and is proud to say he is slowly creating a bond with the little boy who has so quickly stolen his heart.

Seeing Jensen with Jayden makes Jared’s heart ache though because he realizes how much he wants to be a part of that, wants them to be his family. There was never any question that he was still in love with Jensen - seeing the guy again proved that because his feelings have only grown stronger - but he has also fallen for Jayden during the time that he has known him and he wants both of the Ackles boys in his life.

“Jay,” Jensen’s voice brings Jared out of his thoughts. “Your head was in the clouds again.”

“His head is always in the clouds these days, that’s nothing new,” Justin says with a smirk, looking at Jared knowingly. “So Jay, do tell us, what is on your mind so much that it’s constantly taking you away from us? Or is it _someone_ on your mind?”

Jared feels his cheeks heating up as he glares at Justin, knowing what his friend is suggesting and not appreciating it. _As long as Jensen doesn’t catch on then I won’t have to kill Justin_ , he decides as he continues to glare at his friend. However, when Jared looks at Jensen he finds him staring at him with intense eyes and a soft, shy smile.

 _Oh God, does he know?_ Jared worries as he tears his eyes away from Jensen’s, his cheeks stained a deep crimson. Now that he thinks about it though, he realizes that Jensen was smiling, so if he does suspect that Jared still has feelings for him it obviously doesn’t bother him too much. This encourages Jared more than he wants it to, the last thing he needs is any false hope after all.

“Okay, lets leave Jared alone now,” Jensen says with a soft laugh, eyes shining with amusement. “I’ll admit it’s fun making him blush, but I think he’s been embarrassed enough.”

“If you guys don’t stop picking on me I’m going to leave,” Jared threatens but his beet red cheeks weaken his words.

Justin and Misha smirk at him while Jensen looks at him with soft eyes, but none of them attempt to comment further. The damage is already done though; Jared is embarrassed beyond belief, so he decides to head back to the ranch. He just recently got the horses back from a friend of the family and he has wanted to take Sidney out on a walk; today is just as good a day as any.

He says a quick goodbye to Jensen and Misha before Justin follows him out of the bakery, a satisfied smile on his face that makes Jared scowl. _Jerk_ , he muses fondly.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
August 3rd, 2008

Jared is sitting at the front of the Coffee House during his lunch break, nursing a hot mocha, when Misha suddenly drops down onto the seat across from him. Jared is startled at first but smiles in greeting once the surprise wears off. The blue eyed man leans back in his chair, a cup of coffee resting between his hands, and he looks completely at ease.

Jared has had the time to get to know Misha and knows firsthand why Jensen likes the guy so much. He is funny and witty and an all round nice guy. He is easy to talk to and Jared felt relaxed within the first five minutes of being in his company. It certainly isn’t hard to like him.

“What do you have there?” Misha asks curiously, gesturing to the notebook lying open in front of Jared.

“It’s nothing,” Jared replies as he flips it closed, smiling a bit sheepishly at the raised eyebrow he gets for this action. “It’s just a novel I’m working on, but I don’t let anyone read my writing so don’t even ask.”

The only person he has ever let read anything he has written is Jensen, and he only let him read one of his stories. That may be the reason no one took his writing seriously, but Jared is self conscious of his writing ability and feels more comfortable letting strangers read his writing than family or friends. This is why he always planned to use an alias if he ever became an author. He felt comfortable enough to let Jensen read one of his short stories though, and that was only because Jensen pestered him to death.

He took Jensen’s words to heart, pleased his boyfriend had liked what he had read, but even after that one time he could never muster up enough courage to let Jensen read one of his novels. Writing is something he keeps to himself for the most part, the one thing that is his alone, and he likes to keep it that way.

Misha raises his hands in surrender as a soft laugh escapes him. “Alright I won’t pry, I swear. I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you were a writer.”

“Jensen didn’t mention it, huh?” Jared asks, not all that surprised. “I’ve enjoyed writing since I was… well for as long as I can remember actually. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I really got into it and considered making a career out of it. Never happened obviously, but it’s still a hobby of mine.”

Misha nods his head as though he understands. “I’ve always enjoyed writing poetry but I’ve never planned to publish any of it, just something I’ve always done in my spare time,” he says with a slight shrug. “So, you just carry a notebook around with you everywhere you go in case inspiration hits?”

Jared takes a drink of his mocha, turning his head to look out the window, silently enjoying the sunshine upon his face. “I normally like to use my laptop when I write, it’s just so much easier to type than it is to use a pen, takes less time, but I have to use a notebook when I’m at work on my breaks.”

“Have you ever thought about trying to get any of your stuff published, as sort of a side thing, not an actual career?”

Jared nods. “I’ve thought about it many times, but… I dunno, I just haven’t actually tried hard enough I guess. Maybe one day I’ll actually do something about all my writing, but for now I’m content with just keeping it for myself.”

“I can understand that,” Misha responds before a companionable silence falls over their table. Jared stares out the window as Misha takes a drink of his coffee every so often, comfortable in each other’s presence, no need for words. Jared lets his thoughts wander to Jensen, picturing his face clearly in his mind, unable to stop a smile from forming on his lips.

“You still care about Jen, don’t you?” Misha speaks up, ever the observant one.

Jared opens and closes his mouth as he turns to face Misha once more, not sure if he should be truthful or try to lie. He can’t be sure he could even lie; he hasn’t exactly been subtle when around Jensen, so Misha probably wouldn’t believe a word he said. _He pretty much has me figured out anyway_ , Jared muses to himself, kind of glad he has someone close to Jensen that he can admit his feelings to.

“I don’t think I ever really stopped caring,” he says softly. “Jensen’s… he’s… well he’s not easy to get over.”

Misha nods, a look of understanding on his features. “Jensen’s special, everyone that knows him can’t help but love him. And you are, aren’t you? Still in love with him, I mean.”

Jared isn’t even going to try to deny it so he simply nods his head ruefully. “Yeah… I tried to move on, but… I just couldn’t. I don’t think I ever really fell out of love with him. I know it’s crazy to love someone for that long, to still love him after ten years, but… I just do.”

“If you still love him then why haven’t you talked to him about it? Why haven’t you just told him how you feel?”

Jared just gapes back at Misha like he has lost his mind. “I can’t _tell_ him, he’ll either pity me or think I’m crazy for holding on all this time. I know I’m pathetic, there’s no denying that, but he doesn’t have to know it!”

“I can understand why you wouldn’t want to tell him but I don’t think you’ll get the reaction you’re expecting,” Misha says softly, looking at Jared intently.

Jared latches onto these words the second they leave Misha’s mouth. ‘Why would you say that? What do you know that I don’t? Has Jensen said anything?” The questions spew forth from Jared like a geyser, one right after the other, his heart feeling as though it is lodged in his throat the whole time. “Come on, tell me what you know.”

Misha just kind of smirks and shakes his head. “I may know something, but then again I may not,” he says so nonchalantly that Jared wants to reach across the table and hit him. “The only way you’re going to find out is if you ‘fess up to Jen.”

“I hate you, I hope you know that,” Jared says with a pout, wanting desperately to know if Jensen has any kind of feelings for him but not sure he can muster up the courage to admit his own emotions. _I’m such a loser_ , he berates himself as he drops his head onto the table, banging it a couple of times as Misha laughs softly at him.

“So, can I get your opinion on something?”

Jared lifts his head, eyes narrowed into a glare. “You tell me what Jensen told you and I’ll give you my opinion on whatever you want, otherwise go to hell,” he says scornfully and pouts when Misha just laughs at him once more.

“I was thinking about asking Justin out but… well I don’t really know what he’d like to do and I’d like to take him on a date he’d enjoy.”

Despite still pouting over the whole Jensen thing still, Jared can’t help but smile when he hears this. He was beginning to think Justin and Misha would never get their heads out of their asses but finally one of them is going to take that step. He knew Justin wanted to take that step but had been too much of a chicken shit to actually get up the nerve to ask Misha out. _Glad Misha’s finally taking matters into his own hands_ , he thinks with a smile.

“I just don’t know him well enough to know what he likes to do for fun,” Misha continues when Jared fails to respond. “I figured you might have some good suggestions for me.”

“Justin isn’t really hard to please, trust me. Besides, he’ll be on a date with you, I highly doubt he’ll care what you guys do too much,” Jared says with a smirk, satisfied when Misha blushes. “But if you really must know then Justin likes to have fun, taking him to a fair or a comedy club would gain you some major points. He can be romantic when the situation calls for it but for the first date I’d go with something like that, he’d enjoy it more.”

“A comedy club…” Misha draws out the words, contemplative. “Yeah that sounds like it’d be a good idea. Thanks for the help Jare.”

“You’re welcome… now, are you going to clue me in on what Jensen’s said to you?” Jared asks expectantly.

Misha smirks as he rises from the table. “Nope,” he says with a chuckle before turning on his heel and heading towards the door.

Jared growls under his breath, silently cursing Misha’s very existence, but he perks up when Misha calls back to him before he leaves, an innocent smile on his face. “Talk to him Jared, you won’t regret it.”

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
August 9th, 2008

“Wow, it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen them,” Jensen says with fondness in his voice as he steps up to Sidney’s stall and reaches a hand out to run down her mane. “Hey there sweetheart, you’re looking as gorgeous as I remember.”

Jared watches with affection from the barn entrance as Jensen showers each of the horses with love. It feels good to see him in this barn again, with the horses, it brings back memories. It doesn’t take much to close his eyes and envision an eighteen year old Jensen doing the exact same thing the twenty-eight year old Jensen is doing.

Jensen hasn’t really changed all that much in appearance. He has filled out in places and grown muscle mass where he didn’t have it before, is still thin but not skinny, and he has obviously aged a little in the face, but he doesn’t look all that different from how Jared has always remembered him. He is looking good, if Jared is to be honest, probably better than he did ten years ago.

Jensen turns to him finally with a beaming smile on his face and Jared feels as though all the air has been sucked out of his lungs, leaving him staring dumbly back at Jensen with his heart pounding in his chest. Jensen doesn’t seem to notice the effect he has on Jared as he turns and takes a good look around the barn.

“You know, when I first moved back into town I drove by this place,” Jensen says softly, looking reminiscent as his eyes sweep over the barn and stop on the loft. “I didn’t stop even though I really wanted to.”

“You want to take the horses out?” Jared asks quickly, as shocked as Jensen is by the sudden change in subject. He hadn’t even realized he was going to ask that until the words left his mouth. “You know, for old time’s sake.”

Jensen smiles again, genuine happiness, as he nods his head. “That sounds awesome,” he says as he reaches for one of the saddles and heads to Lightning’s stall, his unofficial horse.

Jared does the same with Sidney, and once everything is ready they mount the horses and guide them down the driveway. Jared sighs happily, feeling the sun caressing his face and his favorite horse beneath him, realizing just how much he has missed this. It has been years since he has ridden a horse, much less _his_ horse, and it is even better knowing Jensen’s right beside him.

It almost feels like old times, save for the fact that they are nothing but friends now instead of in a relationship. Jared wants to be more though, he just doesn’t know if Jensen wants that too. He hasn’t forgotten Misha’s words, they are all he can seem to think about these past couple of days, but he is still a little nervous about striking up _that_ conversation with Jensen. Misha managed to encourage him a little though, give him some hope where as he had next to none before.

He can’t help being a little afraid though. What if Jensen doesn’t have any romantic feelings for him anymore? What would he think of Jared if he were to find out that he still loves him after all this time? Will he think he is pathetic? Jared knows it is crazy to still love someone after ten long years. They haven’t been together for so long, Jared shouldn’t still feel so strongly for Jensen, so passionately. But he does and he can’t help thinking there might be something wrong with him because of it. _Really, who holds on for that long without something being wrong with them?_ he thinks self deprecatingly.

“Everything okay over there?” Jensen’s voice brings him out of his thoughts. What else is new? he mocks himself once more. _Maybe I should just live in my head, I seem to love it here._

He manages to give Jensen a tiny, hopefully reassuring, smile. “Yeah I’m fine, just lost in my thoughts as usual.”

Jensen grins, more fond than teasing. “You sure seem to have a lot on your mind. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you lost in thought as much as you are these days. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Nothing of importance,” Jared says quickly, probably too quickly if Jensen’s surprised look is anything to go by. “Well, what I mean is it’s nothing for you to worry about. Just trying to figure some things out and I’m the only one that can do it.”

Jensen doesn’t seem all that convinced but he doesn’t pry. “Jayden would really love to see the horses, he’s such an animal lover. Would you mind if I bring him by sometime? Maybe you could teach him how to ride?”

Jared is glad for the change of subject but he can’t help but gape at Jensen. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah I’m sure,” Jensen responds with a soft laugh. “Why, do you not want to?”

“I… I mean sure, I wouldn’t mind teaching him, of course I wouldn’t mind. But I figured that’d be something you’d want to teach your son yourself, a little father, son bonding.”

“I’ll be there the whole time but Jayden really likes you, and something tells me you guys could use this time to bond yourselves. Jay is usually shy around strangers, takes him months to let anyone new in, I’ve never seen him respond to someone the way he does with you. I think this could be good for the both of you, I know there’s no one else he’d probably want to teach him either.”

Jared can’t help but grin proudly at these words. He has grown rather fond of Jayden and it is nice to know the little boy thinks so highly of him in return. Not to mention it strokes his ego to know Jayden hasn’t taken to anyone the way he has taken to him. He remembers that day in the kitchen, when he first met the little boy, and Jayden hid behind Jensen. He had obviously been quite shy but he was the one to strike up a conversation with Jared which, now that he thinks back on it, seemed to surprise Jensen.

Even though Jayden was willing to talk to him it took Jared some time to get the little boy to open up to him. Jayden still blushed every time Jared talked or so much as looked at him. Over time Jayden’s voice has gotten stronger though, less timid, and he runs to him the moment Jared walks into the room.

Yes, there is no doubt that Jared loves that little boy, and not just because he is Jensen’s either. There is just something special about that little kid and just the thought of him can put a smile on Jared’s face. Jayden has found a place in his heart and now Jared can’t imagine life without him in it.

“Alright,” Jared says finally, a bright smile pulling at his lips. “I’d be happy to teach him.”

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
They dismount the horses as soon as they reach a familiar field that neither of them has seen in what feels like forever. It has been longer for Jensen though, and it shows on his face, the way he looks around the area, reliving all the times they spent here. There is no doubt they spent some good times here, and the memories are good ones for the both of them.

Jared turns his eyes away from the sight of Jensen, who has a far away look on his face as he glances at his surroundings. The place honestly isn’t much to look at, never has been, but it holds a significance to the both of them that makes it special. It is best to come here at night, when the sky is beautiful and wide and the stars are bright.

He and Jensen spent many a night here during that summer so long ago. Aside from the loft, this field holds some of Jared’s fondest memories. Standing here with Jensen is something he never expected to happen again, yet here he is, and no matter how he tries Jared can’t seem to keep his eyes off of him.

“Never thought I could miss a field,” Jensen says with a quiet chuckle as he wags his eyebrows playfully at Jared. “It hasn’t changed much either.”

“Have you ever wondered what could have been?” Jared asks before he can talk himself out of it, just throws himself into the conversation. “Did you ever think about me? Miss me at all?”

Jensen’s eyes become soft and warm when he turns to regard Jared closely. “Sure I’ve wondered how life would be if we’d stayed together, and I’ve thought about you often over the past ten years, but you gotta understand Jay… I can’t regret the way things turned out,” he says with a touch of sorrow in his voice. “I wouldn’t have Jayden if things had turned out differently, and he’s my life, I can’t regret anything.”

“I understand that, I do, I just… I guess I just wanted to know if I was easy to get over,” Jared says softly, afraid to hear the answer while at the same time feeling stupid for even bringing the subject up.

Jensen blows out a breath and looks at Jared like he is crazy. “Of course you weren’t easy to get over Jay, what we had… I’ve never been able to find again,” he admits with a shy smile. “I loved Jenna at one point but even what I had with her paled in comparison to what we had. I honestly thought we were going to be together forever; I’d never loved someone as much as I loved you and I haven’t since.”

“I’ve asked myself over and over again, if we’d still be together and happy if we had just tried a little harder, ya know? If we hadn’t given up so easily and just worked on our relationship.”

“You can’t worry over things like that, you’ll just drive yourself insane. What’s done is done and there’s nothing either of us can do to change that. We both made our decisions, did what we felt was right at the time, and maybe it was the right thing.”

“How can you say that?” Jared asks, more vulnerable than he wants to be, knowing he stands to have his heart ripped out right now.

“I already told you, I can’t force myself to regret the decisions I’ve made because then I wouldn’t have Jayden right now. I’ll admit I hated how things ended between us and wondered if there was anything we could’ve done to stay together, but I love my son and my life wouldn’t be the same without him.”

“God,” Jared laughs humorlessly and smiles apologetically at Jensen. “I’m sounding so selfish right now, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize, I understand, really I do,” Jensen smiles reassuringly, laying a hand on Jared’s shoulder and squeezing slightly. “But you need to put this in the past and stop worrying over it; it’s not going to do you any good.”

“Yeah, I know you’re right, it’s just… I never got over you Jen,” Jared whispers sincerely, watching Jensen’s reaction closely. “I tried to, for the first four months I almost believed it, but I never really stopped loving you. I’ve regretted letting you go ever since and I just… I’m still in love with you.”

Jensen’s eyes grow large as he stares at Jared in a mixture of shock and disbelief. Jared isn’t sure if this is a good sign or a bad one and the silence is making him a little nervous. _He doesn’t feel the same_ , he worries immediately. _Misha was wrong, he got over me a long time ago._

“I know it sounds crazy, to still love you after all this time, but it’s the truth,” he says quietly, wondering if it was a bad idea to tell Jensen; maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

“I’ll admit, seeing you again has brought back memories, feelings I thought I’d left behind,” Jensen finally says, his voice sounding awed. “But… I just can’t believe it… why would you hold on for so long Jay? You should’ve moved on with your life.”

“It’s not that I didn’t want to,” Jared responds, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “But you are it for me Jen, no one else was good enough. I was happiest when I was with you and I couldn’t find that with anyone else.”

Jensen doesn’t say anything, just looks at Jared in a mixture of astonishment and sympathy. Jared’s life has basically been on hold, and sure he was lonely, but he can’t regret loving Jensen, even if it made his life quite miserable at times.

He takes a step toward Jensen, smiling softly yet sadly. “I love you Jen,” he whispers into the air between them before cupping a hand around the back of Jensen’s neck and drawing their lips together for the first time in ten years. Jensen’s lips are soft beneath his and Jared is surprised but overjoyed when Jensen opens his mouth to him, inviting him inside.

Jared takes his time to enjoy it, mapping every inch of Jensen’s mouth, familiarizing himself once again with the unique taste and feel of the only man he has ever loved. Jensen is pliant beneath his lips, mouth opening accommodatingly and letting Jared control the kiss. He gives back just as good as he gets though, raising a hand to cup Jared’s cheek as he tilts his head to allow deeper access.

Jared nearly moans at the familiarity of it all. He never thought he would get the opportunity to kiss Jensen again and it is better than he remembers it to be. He groans in protest however, when Jensen tears his lips away and takes a step back, fingers tracing his mouth as he looks at Jared with expressive eyes.

“I don’t know if I can do this Jay,” he says, voice shaky as he tears his eyes away to stare at the ground.

“Why not? We both want it, you can’t tell me you don’t.” Jared knows he sounds like he is whining but he can’t help it, he wants this so badly that just a taste isn’t enough.

“I haven’t been with anyone since Jenna, haven’t even been on a date or a one nighter. I have Jayden to think about now and I can’t bring anyone into our lives if I’m not one hundred percent sure the relationship will last,” Jensen says with regret and longing etched onto his face.

“Who’s saying it won’t last? You are all I’ve wanted for the past ten years Jen. If you give me a second chance I’m sure as hell not going to be stupid enough to let you go again,” Jared says with a touch of frustration and a bit of desperation. “Plus, I love Jayden… I love both of you… I want nothing more than for you to be my family. You let me in and I swear I’m not going anywhere.”

Jensen looks back at him hesitantly, looking as though he wants to throw caution to the wind and give them a second chance, but at the same time reluctant to do so. Jared can feel his heart physically starting to ache because he can tell what Jensen is about to say without Jensen even having to open his mouth.

“I still care about you Jared, it’d be pointless to even try to deny it, but… I just don’t know if I can take that chance,” Jensen tells him, a torn expression on his face.

Jared just nods stiffly, feeling a bit numb. He knew Jensen would likely reject him, but it still hurts. “Alright, I won’t push you… but… can you just promise me you’ll think about it? Don’t tell me no without really considering it first, please?”

Jensen gives him a small smile, eyes soft as he nods. “Yeah, I can do that, but I’m making no promises.”

 _That’s better than nothing_ , Jared tells himself as they mount the horses once more and guide them back in the direction of the ranch. _I’m willing to take whatever I can get._


	11. Chapter 11

-~*~-  
 **Part Eleven**  
-~*~-

  
August 20th, 2008

Large, fluffy grey storm clouds hang overhead, threatening to break open at any given moment, as Jared walks leisurely through the local park on his way to Molly’s Diner. It is a pretty humid day, but the fact that the sun is hidden behind the clouds makes it a little easier to bear.

He pays little attention to his surroundings, hands stuffed deep in his pockets as he walks, eyes fixed firmly on the sidewalk. Not too many people are out on this particular afternoon, the park is rather barren, but Jared prefers it this way. He has too many thoughts going through his mind to be bothered to deal with anyone today.

His mind has been consumed by thoughts of Jensen, not knowing what to do about the green eyed man. Jensen obviously has feelings for him; Jared doesn’t just know this because Jensen told him but because he can _feel_ it. But Jensen isn’t willing to give in to his feelings and Jared’s beginning to question whether he ever will. He said he would think about it but he hasn’t so much as mentioned it since that day in the field.

 _Maybe he just said that so I’d shut up_ , he thinks morosely as he ducks his head and hunches in on himself. Jared can’t help but be discouraged when Jensen acts like the conversation never even took place. Sure, there are times when Jensen will look at him, eyes soft with warmth and barely concealed affection, but it is hard to stay positive when the man doesn’t give him much reason to be.

Aside from that Jensen has been his friendly self, has spent as much time with Jared as he did before, so Jared knows he shouldn’t be complaining too much. He has Jensen’s friendship, and he knows he should be happy with that, but the selfish part of him can’t help wanting more. He wants things he has no right wanting in the first place, but that doesn’t change the facts.

He wants Jensen and Jayden to move in with him; maybe not right away, he knows that would be moving a little too fast for Jensen, but eventually he would like them to move in with him at the ranch. He wants them to be a family, wants to sit at the coffee table at night and help Jayden with homework, wants to wrap his arms around Jensen and watch bad television, maybe get a couple of dogs. He wants them to be around all the time, to share his life with them.

 _Yeah, keep dreaming Jared_ , he tells himself self deprecatingly, knowing he is probably fooling himself if he thinks he even has a shot at having any of that.

Jared’s head snaps up when he hears the sound of familiar laughter and a smile grows on his face when his eyes land on Jayden, who is playing on the swings. One glance around the park and he instantly finds Jensen, sitting on a bench not too far away from his son, a soft smile on his face.

Jared had plans to go to the diner for a cheeseburger and a shake but his plans change the second his eyes land on Jensen. He slowly makes his way over to where the other man is sitting and can feel a blush creeping onto his cheeks from the smile Jensen gives him the moment he sees him.

He takes a moment to look over Jensen, drinking in the cream colored sweater he is wearing with a worn pair of blue jeans, as he takes a seat next to him on the bench. Jayden waves enthusiastically from his place on the swings and Jared smiles as he waves back.

“What are you guys doing here on a day like this?” Jared directs this question to the man sitting next to him.

“I didn’t want to go, repeatedly told him no,” Jensen responds with a laugh, looking to Jared in amusement with a slightly sheepish smile. “But he begged me and eventually I caved.”

“Like you are known to do time and time again.” Jared can’t help but tease Jensen a little. Everyone knows that little boy has his dad wrapped around his finger, even Jensen is well aware of it though he tries to defend himself fruitlessly.

“I dare you to resist him when he pouts at you,” Jensen responds with a pout of his own. “Eh, the boy knows he can get almost anything he wants out of me.”

“Yes he does, but that’s only ‘cause you love him, and it’s not like you let him get away with murder. He’s a well behaved kid Jen, you’re doing great with him,” Jared tells him sincerely and his heart swells with warmth when Jensen smiles at the praise.

“Yeah well, I said we could come here for a little while but we’d have to leave if it starts raining. What about you though, what are you doing out in this weather? I don’t see your truck anywhere.”

“You know I haven’t really changed all that much, I still love this kind of weather. Just because I’m older doesn’t mean I’m going to listen to my mom’s warnings about going out and catching pneumonia,” Jared smirks a little as he says this, chuckling when Jensen rolls his eyes.

“You were hoping it’d rain, weren’t you? And let me guess, you walked all the way here from the ranch?” Jensen gives him a knowing look to which Jared can’t deny a thing, he did walk here after all.

“I was heading to the diner for lunch and figured I’d walk back home afterward but when I saw you and Jayden, I had to stop and say hi.”

“I’m glad you did, it gets kind of boring sitting here by myself,” Jensen says with a smile.

“How long have you been here?”

“Close to an hour, I can’t seem to drag him away,” Jensen responds as he turns his head to watch his son.

“Would you guys be interested in having lunch with me? Think that would be able to drag him away?” Jared asks casually, raising his eyebrows and shrugging slightly.

Jensen ponders this for a moment, gazing at his son, and then gives a nod of his head. “Not sure even food could get him to leave but it’s worth a shot anyway.”

“Hey Jayden, are you hungry? Want to go to Molly’s?” Jared calls across the park, grinning when Jayden nods his head enthusiastically and jumps off the swing. He then turns to give Jensen a smirk of satisfaction to which Jensen rolls his eyes and hits him on the arm.

“No one likes a smug bastard Jared,” Jensen says with a laugh as he stands and heads over to his son.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
August 22nd, 2008

After a couple of hours of teaching Jayden how to ride a horse Jared is ready to sit down and not move for a very long time. He will admit that it has been nice spending some time with the kid, and he enjoyed the lesson as much as Jayden did. Jensen stood by the whole time, silently watching them with a soft, pleased smile on his face. He didn’t interrupt them though, was just a silent observer the whole time.

Misha and Justin showed up not too long into the lesson, standing beside Jensen as they watched. Jayden didn’t seem to mind the audience, he appeared to thrive on it in fact. Just one of the many ways he differs from his dad, even though there are certain personality traits that remind Jared of Jensen.

Now Jared stands at the stove, frying up a few hamburgers and some potatoes. He can hear the television from where he is, the theme song for Spongebob loud and clear, and just picturing Jayden sitting on his couch puts a smile on his face. He had asked them to stay for dinner, and after a little persuasion, Jensen finally caved and agreed. He wasn’t quite ready to see them leave, trying to spend as much time with them as Jensen will let him.

“How are the burgers coming along?” Justin asks as he enters the kitchen, startling Jared in the process, making him jump nearly a foot in the air.

“Damn, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?” Jared asks with a glare, taking a swig of his beer sitting on the counter to the right of him.

Justin just smirks and leans his hip against the counter. “You were thinking about Jensen again, weren’t you?”

Jared’s cheeks are flooded with crimson, which Justin sees before Jared can turn his head away. “No, I wasn’t thinking about Jensen. Why is it you always think he is the _only thing_ on my mind?”

“Well maybe because I know you too well and all you _ever_ have on your mind is that man,” Justin responds with a pleasant enough smile but Jared isn’t fooled, he knows he is being mocked. “You can’t lie to me Jare, I know you think about him all the time and that’s why you’re always so spaced out.”

Jared knows it would be useless to deny it. “I wasn’t only thinking about him, I was mostly thinking about Jayden,” he says like this makes all the difference in the world, though both men know it doesn’t, especially since he was thinking about how nice it would be to see Jayden out on that couch every night. Yeah, he knows he is completely hopeless. He is a fool in love and anyone would know it just by taking one look at him.

“Have you made any sort of progress with him?” Justin asks like Jared didn’t say anything.

Jared lets out a soft sigh and shakes his head. “He hasn’t said anything since that day, hasn’t acknowledged we even had the conversation. I’m beginning to wonder if I dreamed it.”

Justin is silent for a moment, biting his lip in thought as he gives Jared a calculating look. “Are you sure he is worth all this?” he tentatively asks after a moment. “I mean, if he can’t see how much you love him, even after all this time, then maybe he doesn’t deserve you.”

“You don’t understand, he’s just looking out for his son, I can’t blame him for that,” Jared says softly, defending Jensen the best that he can, because deep down he kind of understands why Jensen is doing what he is. “It’s been ten years since we were together, his life has changed a lot more than mine has, and he has a son to think about. He’s just trying to protect his son from any potential hurt; I can’t say I probably wouldn’t do the same thing if I were in his position.”

Justin stares for a long moment, eyes intense and searching, before nodding his head and reaching out to grip Jared’s shoulder. “Just be careful, huh? I don’t want you to get too hurt if things don’t work out the way you’re hoping they will.”

Jared doesn’t really know how to respond; he thinks it might already be a little too late for that, and he is going to be hurt regardless of whether he is careful now or not. To learn that he has no chance with Jensen will hurt no matter how he looks at it, and there is really no way he can prepare himself for it. Rejection hurts no matter who it comes from, but being rejected by Jensen would have to feel close to dying. Or at least Jared’s melodramatic mind tells him it would.

“Dinner’s ready,” he manages to croak out, not bothering to respond which only causes Justin to frown in dismay.

Jared turns away from his friend, calling everyone to the dinner table, making himself busy with piling the hamburgers onto a plate. He takes a seat at the kitchen table along with the rest of his guests and does his best to put that conversation behind them, even though it is a little easier said than done.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
“Thanks for having us over for dinner, and for teaching Jayden to ride,” Jensen says when they are finally alone, Jayden asleep on the living room couch and their two friends locked up in Justin’s room.

“No thanks necessary, it was my pleasure,” Jared replies with a small smile as he places a steaming cup of coffee in front of Jensen and once more takes a seat at the kitchen table.

“You know, I know I haven’t said it, but it’s really nice having you around again. I really missed hanging out with you. I never realized how much I missed you until you were around all the time again,” Jensen admits with a small, shy smile and Jared can’t help but latch onto these words like they are a prayer. “I’ve missed just being around you.”

“I’ve missed you too Jen,” Jared says with complete sincerity. “I’m just sorry we couldn’t have walked away as friends.”

Jared knows he had the opportunity to get in touch with Jensen many times, all he would have to have done was talk to Steve about it in one of his emails. They didn’t keep in touch all that often but he didn’t completely lose contact with the man, so he could have probably seen Jensen or at least talked to him if he wanted to. _I was scared to_ , he acknowledges in silence. He still wanted things he wasn’t sure Jensen would, and he wasn’t altogether sure Jensen would even want to hear from him, and that fear kept him from ever taking that step.

There were many times Jared just wanted to spit the words out, ask Steve once and for all, but for some reason whenever he talked to Steve, Jared made sure to keep their conversations away from mentioning Jensen at all, even just to enquire how he was doing. Jared really can’t explain his reason for doing this other than maybe he didn’t want to hear about how good the man was doing without him.

“I always regretted that too,” Jensen responds softly and Jared doesn’t doubt that he means it. “At least we’re friends now though, that’s something to be thankful for.”

Jared just nods his head a bit numbly, though he does agree with Jensen. They both know he wants more but that doesn’t mean he isn’t grateful for the friendship he has been given; it is certainly more than he ever expected to have.

“It’s nice to see Misha and Justin hitting it off so well,” Jensen says when the silence between them starts to become awkward. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Misha look at someone the way he looks at Justin.”

“Yeah, Justin really likes him, has since the moment he laid eyes on him I think,” Jared says conversationally, but the elephant in the room is becoming oppressive and harder to ignore, the urge to get everything out in the open with Jensen once and for all too strong. Jared has never been known for his patience.

“Something tells me everything’s going to work out for them,” Jensen says with a soft chuckle. “Which is good ‘cause Misha deserves to be happy, and Justin’s a good guy. They’re good for each other.”

“Look Jen, when are we going to talk about this?” Jared probably could have asked this with a little more finesse, but his short amount of patience has been worn thin and the question is out in the open, nothing he can do about that now.

“What do you mean?” Jensen asks stiffly and Jared watches as he closes himself down, his face becoming completely blank.

“Come on Jen, don’t play dumb on me now. You know exactly what I’m talking about,” Jared says as kindly as he can.

“I don’t want to talk about this Jay, please just… let’s not do this here, not now,” Jensen pleads, though it is obvious he isn’t willing to take any other answer besides okay. Jared isn’t feeling all that accommodating though, doesn’t want to just let the subject go.

“You don’t have to say it, I know you want to be with me too. I understand that you’re trying to protect your son, I really do, but I honestly thought you’d really give it some thought. But you never planned to, did you? You just said what I wanted to hear so I’d get off your back.”

Jared doesn’t mean for it to come out this way, so harsh, but there is no denying he means every word. He really doesn’t believe Jensen ever meant to think it over, never intended to give in to these feelings that they both harbor, and he has to admit it is extremely frustrating. What he wants is a clear answer; all this sitting around, waiting and hoping, is driving him insane. He just wants to know where he stands, if he has any chance with Jensen or not.

“Jay, I just…” Jensen stops the lie in its tracks and lets out a soft, weary sigh. “It’s been so long since I’ve been in a relationship… I don’t even know how Jayden would take it. I just… I care about you Jay, we both know that, but I can’t… I’m sorry.”

“You could be happy Jen,” Jared persists. “You’re going to deny yourself, both of us, the chance for happiness? What are you going to do, not date at all until Jayden is old enough or out of the house?”

“I’m sorry you’re not happy with my decision Jay, I really am, but my mind is made up and I just hope you can accept that,” Jensen says, a touch of regret in his voice, but he also sounds firm in his decision and the disappointment Jared feels is stronger than he expected it to be.

“You’re serious,” Jared huffs in disbelief as Jensen pushes away from the table and heads towards the living room where his son sleeps peacefully on the couch. “You’re really going to deny yourself this?”

“I’m not going to do this with you Jared,” Jensen says in a strained tone, emotional but with some obvious irritation. “We’re friends now, why can’t you just be happy with that?”

Jared snaps his mouth shut but can’t stop himself from glaring at Jensen as the man carefully picks up his son, an arm beneath his knees and shoulders, trying not to wake him up. Despite how careful he is being Jayden still stirs, releasing a soft whiny sound as his eyes flutter open.

“Dad,” his voice is thick with sleep.

“Go back to sleep buddy, we’re going home now,” Jensen tells his son in a gentle and soothing tone of voice.

“Jen, don’t go. Please, just hear me out, reconsider this,” Jared knows he is pleading but right now, this situation, he can’t be bothered to feel ashamed. He will beg on his hands and knees if that is what Jensen wants him to do. “Give me a chance Jen, I _know_ we could be happy… all three of us. I love Jayden, I want you both in my life.”

“We _are_ in your life Jay, just maybe not in the ways you want us,” Jensen says with exasperation, looking at Jared with those bright green eyes of his, pleading with him to understand. “I’m sorry I can’t offer you more than my friendship, but… please stop pushing this.”

Jared doesn’t know what he could possibly say to this; it is obvious he can’t change Jensen’s mind, and in the end it doesn’t matter anyway because he is left to watch Jensen leave the house with his son sleeping in his arms. And as Jared watches Jensen leave it feels like all hope Jared had walked out the door with him.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
A few hours later finds Jared huddled in the corner of his couch, which is probably a funny sight with a man of his size but he can’t be bothered to care. A lukewarm bottle of beer rests in his hand, which he lifts to his mouth every so often to take a swig, grimacing slightly at the taste. The coffee table is littered with the empty bottles that Jared has consumed. He is well passed buzzed by now and on his way to piss drunk stupid.

Random thoughts pass through his head as he sits there, ranging from depressed to deliriously amused. His mind tells him he needs to cool it with the beers - he is starting to sound idiotic even to himself - but then the thought slips away and he forgets what he previously decided he was going to do. One thought remains painstakingly clear though, and that is that he has absolutely no chance with Jensen.

He looks up when he hears footsteps coming down the hall and he smiles drunkenly when Justin comes into view. His friend eyes him warily for a moment, not sure if he should draw closer or leave Jared on his own. A minute later he finally makes up his mind, or Misha makes it up for him, when the blue eyed man leaves Justin’s room and immediately heads in Jared’s direction.

“What are you doing sitting in the dark?” Misha asks gently, eyeing the empty beer bottles with a frown. “Are you drunk?”

“Nope,” Jared lies with an unmanly giggle that gives him away. “Come join the party,” he says to Justin, who is hanging back by the doorway. “Bring more beers though.”

“Jare… are you okay man?” Justin asks in concern when he gets a good look at Jared.

“Never felt better,” Jared lies through his teeth while silently calling Jensen every name his drunken mind can remember.

“Something happened,” Misha says to Justin before eyeing Jared with concern, and Jared’s already getting tired of that look.

“You know what’s a weird word… ears,” Jared says before bursting into laughter, like it is the funniest fucking thing he has ever heard. “Seriously, who the hell comes up with these things?”

Jared is still giggling when Justin turns to Misha and says, “Yeah, he is fuckin’ wasted. We should get him upstairs, let him sleep it off.”

“No,” Jared interrupts them firmly, going from giggly drunk to depressed in 2.5 seconds. “I want to wallow in misery and get myself drunk enough to pass out.”

“What happened Jay? You were happy earlier tonight and now you’re doing your best impression of an alcoholic. I just don’t get it,” Justin says as he kneels down at Jared’s side, resting a hand on his knee to show support.

“Jensen did something, didn’t he?” Misha speaks softly, eyes filled with sympathy, like he already knows the answer.

“What he’d do Jare?” Justin demands, looking both ready to kill Jensen and wrap Jared up in a hug.

“Nothing I didn’t already expect,” Jared responds, moping. “He just confirmed that we have no chance of getting back together. Said he cared about me but we couldn’t be anything more than friends.”

“Shit, I’m sorry Jared,” Misha says softly as he moves to sit next to him on the couch.

“Stabbing me in the eye probably would’ve been less painful… but I guess I should be thankful he was honest, didn’t let me wait and hope any longer than I already had been,” Jared says with spite that quickly turns into resignation.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Justin says with conviction, giving Jared’s knee a squeeze.

“I know it hurts now, but you’ll eventually move on, find someone better,” Misha tries to tell him soothingly but Jared isn’t buying it for a second.

“There’s no one better than him, he was it for me… my soul mate, even if he doesn’t see it,” he says with a sad smile, knowing he may never fully get over Jensen… if he hadn’t in the past ten years he somehow doubts he will have better luck now.

 _Why can’t he see that we’re meant to be together?_ he solemnly asks in silence before his friends’ faces get distorted and he promptly passes out, escaping the pain of rejection at least for a few hours.

 

  
** :0Ж0: **   


 

  
August 23rd, 2008

Jared is getting settled in for a night in front of the television when there is a rough knock on the front door that draws him away from the couch. Jared cautiously stares at the door for a moment, not moving toward it. He is not used to anyone visiting at ten o’clock at night and the force of the person’s knock is startling to say the least. Justin is staying over at Misha’s tonight so Jared has the house to himself and being alone with whoever is on the other side of the door has him on edge.

He has no way of knowing who is here at such an hour but he knows there is only one way to find out. Grabbing the baseball bat hidden beside the door, he grips it tightly at his side and finally opens the door a hair. He is relieved however, to find Jensen on the other side, but he also feels a bit foolish for getting so worked up. _Seriously, what did I think was going to happen, a serial killer was going to knock on my door and wait for me to answer?_ he belittles himself in silence while trying to keep a sheepish look off his face.

Jared quickly replaces the bat where he found it and opens the door invitingly, frowning slightly at Jensen’s disheveled appearance and troubled eyes. Jensen doesn’t speak as he steps into the house, gaze locked firmly on the hardwood flooring, refusing to meet Jared’s eyes. Instantly a million different scenarios play out in his mind, worrying something terrible must have happened; he can’t think of anything else that would leave Jensen looking so harried.

“Jen, what is it?” Jared tries to ask as calmly as he can; if something has happened then Jensen needs him to be the strong one, not panicking like Jared really wants to do. “It’s not your family, is it? Is Jayden alright?”

Jensen clears his throat, the sound of it seems louder than it really is. “They’re fine, and so is Jay. Sorry, I know how I must look, but everyone’s fine… it’s nothing like that…” he trails off and his words just confuse Jared even more. So, everyone’s fine, but that doesn’t explain Jensen’s presence at ten o’clock at night or the fact that he looks so damn troubled.

“Come on, I’ve got some coffee in the kitchen. I know it’s pretty late for caffeine, but you look like you could use it,” Jared says as he places a guiding hand on Jensen’s arm and leads him into the kitchen, gently pushing him down onto one of the chairs at the table.

Jared makes himself busy by pouring coffee into two cups, doctoring them up with sugar and cream, focused intently on this task so his eyes don’t wander over in Jensen’s direction and get locked there. The man is acting strangely, has barely looked at Jared since he arrived, and it is worrying Jared more and more by the second.

He is not used to seeing Jensen act or look this way, his hair in disarray and his clothes rumpled. Jensen is a pretty clean-cut guy; seeing him so disheveled is unusual and it puts Jared on edge. Something bad must have happened for him to look so out of sorts, there is just no other explanation for it.

Jared is still feeling the effects of their last conversation but he pushes his hurt feelings aside so he can be here for Jensen. The man obviously needs him at the moment and Jared can’t stand the thought of letting his hurt get in the way of helping a friend in his time of need. Besides, Jared can’t help feeling a little good about the fact that Jensen came to _him_ when he needed someone. Even though they aren’t on the best of terms right now, Jensen still came to him… that means more to him than Jared could ever express.

“So… not that I want you to leave or anything, but… why are you here Jen?” Jared asks gently as he places a cup of coffee in front of the downcast man.

“I can’t stop thinking about what you said last night,” Jensen says softly, so softly that Jared has to strain to hear him. Once he works out what Jensen said however, his heart skips a beat and his breath gets caught in his throat. He tells himself not to get his hopes up but it is a little too late for that.

“Yeah?” Jared’s voice sounds choked so he clears his throat and tries again. “You still feel the same way you did then?”

“I kept trying to tell myself I was doing this to protect my son, that I had no other choice. I told myself it was crazy to feel anything for you after all this time, tried to make myself believe we were better off as friends. I’ve fought this attraction I feel towards you with everything I have but… I’m tired of fighting it,” Jensen looks up then, eyes bright with emotion. “You came back into my life and somehow I found myself falling in love with you all over again, like the past ten years weren’t as big a deal as they should be.”

Jared’s breath hitches, finally hearing the words he has wanted to hear all along, and he isn’t quite sure what to do now. He feels a little overwhelmed by it all, because despite how much he had hoped this would happen, he was trying to resign himself to the fact that it wouldn’t. It was just too good to be true, a fantasy he would never be able to touch, but now Jensen is laying it all out on a fucking silver platter and Jared is so damn happy he can’t express it properly.

Instead of speaking Jared rises to his feet and immediately grasps onto Jensen’s arm, gently guiding him to stand as well. They are standing so close their chests are nearly touching and Jared can feel Jensen’s body heat through the thin cotton of his t-shirt. Jensen looks up at him with wide green eyes, just watching, waiting to see what he will do. Jared doesn’t want to actually take that step though, not until he has verbal confirmation that this is what Jensen wants, that he won’t run away once they cross that invisible line.

“You sure this is what you want Jen? I can’t do this if you’re not in it one hundred percent, I wouldn’t be able to let you go this time. So I need to hear you say it, ‘cause if this isn’t what you want then you need to walk out that door right now and we’ll go back to just being friends.” It takes a lot of effort to say this, to actually get the words out, because it almost physically hurts to speak them, but it needs to be said all the same.

“I want this Jay,” Jensen says with raw honesty and sincerity, looking up at him with those damn green eyes that Jared has never been able to forget. “I promise, I’m not going to change my mind.”

Jared lets out a relieved sigh at this reassurance and allows a genuinely happy smile to form on his face. He releases a surprised squeak when Jensen suddenly surges up and takes possession of his mouth but Jared quickly gets with the program and kisses Jensen back, pressing his lips roughly against Jensen’s as his right hand reaches up to cup the back of his head, holding him in place.

Jensen kisses back just as hard, as though he is trying to drink him in, pushing his body against Jared’s in a way that suggests he wants to crawl inside him. They kiss like this for a moment, mouth pressed firmly against mouth, doing their best to make up for lost time, and then Jensen is opening his lips, inviting Jared inside.

Jared takes full advantage of the invitation, slipping his tongue inside Jensen’s warm mouth with a needy moan he can’t suppress. He fully dominates Jensen’s mouth, just the way he wanted to out in their field that day not too long ago, and Jensen gives up control without a fight. Jared sensually caresses Jensen’s tongue with his own before moving on to palate and inner cheeks, leaving nothing untouched.

He manhandles Jensen out into the hall and pushes until his back hits the wall next to the staircase. He roughly presses Jensen against the wall, mindful not to hurt him, as he tilts his head to gain better access to the mouth beneath his own. Jensen groans lowly as he spreads his legs a little and begins rutting against Jared’s thigh, nearly wrapping his own leg around Jared’s waist.

Jared makes quick work of Jensen’s pants, unbuttoning and lowering the zipper before slipping his hand inside. Jensen moans, his eyes nearly rolling into the back of his head as it hits the wall with a soft ‘thunk’, his hips bucking up into Jared’s hand. Jared has a firm hand around Jensen’s growing erection, sliding up and down tantalizingly slow, thumbing the head on each upward stroke.

Jensen shudders in his hand when Jared’s thumb rubs over the bundle of nerves beneath the head and Jared can’t help but smile at this small victory. He always enjoyed watching Jensen fall apart beneath his hands, knowing he caused such a reaction out of the beautiful man, and that certainly hasn’t changed.

“Is…” Jensen breaks off on a moan, licking his lips before trying to speak again. “Is Justin here?”

“Staying at Misha’s,” is Jared’s short answer before he attaches his lips to Jensen’s neck, sucking a bruise into the skin, marking ownership over the smaller man.

“What do you say we take this to your bedroom?” Jensen suggests, and although Jared is loath to tear himself away long enough to make it upstairs, he manages to nod his head and take a reluctant step back.

Jensen smiles warmly as he takes Jared’s hand in his, eyes shining with promise as he starts to make his way up the stairs, pulling Jared along. The moment they reach the landing Jared pulls Jensen into his arms once more, connecting their lips with the hunger of a dying man, as though afraid that if he lets go, the green eyed man will simply disappear into thin air.

Jensen seems all too happy to wrap his arms around Jared’s neck though, giving himself over to the insistent press of Jared’s lips, fingers sliding into his hair and lightly massaging his scalp. Jared’s eyelids fall closed in contentment, his tongue twining with Jensen’s as his hands grasp at the man’s hips, pulling him so they are flush together.

Jensen’s body fits against his like it always did, like their bodies were made for each other, and Jared can’t help but groan when Jensen’s lips leave his only to attach themselves to his collarbone. Jared’s fingers find their way into the hair at the back of Jensen’s head, not guiding just holding, as Jensen works his talented mouth over Jared’s overheated flesh. Jensen’s mouth had always been able to work wonders, no matter what patch of skin they were attached to, and Jared can feel himself starting to tremble pleasantly.

Jensen slowly moves up to Jared’s ear, breathing hotly as he whispers, “I want you in me.”

Jared’s cock twitches in his pants at these whispered words and he can’t help but stare at Jensen with wide eyes. The few times he and Jensen actually slept together Jared had always bottomed. He had always wanted to top but never got around to it, because he loved the feeling of Jensen inside him. But now that Jensen is offering himself, letting Jared have a piece of him he was never given before… it is all Jared can think about and he realizes just how badly he wants it.

Without speaking Jared pushes Jensen into his room, stripping him of his shirt in the process. Jensen is all too happy to return the favor, running talented hands over Jared’s newly exposed skin, thumb catching on a nipple and making Jared shiver. Jensen has grown muscle in places he didn’t have at eighteen, his pecs defined but not overly so, and Jared allows his eyes to drink their fill.

Jensen slowly pulls down his jeans, kicking them off once they are pooled around his ankles, his boxers soon to follow. Jared’s eyes darken with lust, pupils blown wide as he stares at Jensen’s body, Jensen who seems to not be the least bit shy in his nakedness. When Jensen raises an eyebrow expectantly and tugs on Jared’s pants Jared forces himself to get with the program, divesting himself of the rest of his clothing in a hurried manner, nearly falling over when his foot gets trapped in his pant leg.

Soon Jensen is lying back on the bed, raising himself up on his elbows to stare at Jared, looking very much like an offering that drives Jared’s desire to new heights. He likes this new side of Jensen very much, so sure and confident as he stares up at Jared salaciously, urging him to come closer with a crook of his finger.

Jared wastes no more time as he crawls onto the bed, situating himself between Jensen’s spread thighs, leaning down to capture his lips in a passionate kiss. He sensually licks his way into Jensen’s mouth, drawing a low moan from his reclaimed lover as he searches blindly in the nightstand drawer for the supplies he has stashed in there.

A minute later he comes back with a condom and a small bottle of KY, pulling back from the kiss to grin down at Jensen. Slicking his fingers with lube, he draws them down to Jensen’s entrance, merely tracing the small hole, dipping the tip of his finger inside teasingly before drawing back. Jensen moans at the slight penetration, trying to push his hips down to draw Jared’s finger inside him and groaning in frustration when he doesn’t succeed.

This happens a couple more times, the tip of his finger dipping inside but pulling back before he can fully penetrate, and then Jensen practically growls his frustration. “Damn it Jared, stop with the fuckin’ teasing, I can’t take it much longer,” he pants out raggedly, shooting Jared a glare when the shaggy haired man chuckles.

Jared decides to take pity on his lover, finally allowing his finger to slide inside to the second knuckle, nearly moaning at the tightness of Jensen’s body. Jensen moans his appreciation when Jared lowers his mouth to his cock, taking the head between his lips, alternating between light suction and licking the slit. Jensen trembles beneath him when his tongue catches the bundle of nerves beneath the head at the same time as he adds a second finger.

Jensen pushes down against Jared’s fingers, drawing them in a tiny bit further, breathing raggedly. His eyes are glazed as he looks down at Jared, his body twitching, a long, drawn out moan escaping his parted lips when Jared’s fingers graze his prostate. Jensen is nearly begging after this, first for Jared to touch _that_ place again and then for Jared to fill him up.

“Are you sure you’re ready for me Jen?” Jared asks in a voice dripping with sex as he scissors his fingers inside his lover, stretching him before thrusting in and out, then starting the process all over again. “You’re still so tight, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I can take it Jay, I promise, you won’t hurt me,” Jensen tells him, voice strained and cracked as he arches his back when Jared’s fingers graze that spot again. “Please… I want you… need you inside me.”

Jared scissors his fingers a couple more times, just to be sure, and then he pulls them out, wiping them on the bedspread. Jensen watches him with intense eyes, glazed over with lust, as Jared slips on the condom and slicks himself up.

Once he is satisfied, Jared positions himself at Jensen’s hole, Jensen’s legs instinctively coming up to wrap around his waist, and then Jared is slowly pushing inside. He halts all movement once he is fully inside Jensen, leaning down to kiss Jensen soft and languidly while he waits for his lover to adjust.

Jensen is tighter than anyone Jared has ever been with, so when Jensen moves his hips down, drawing him in deeper, Jared has to grip his erection at the base to stave off climaxing too early. He has his eyes clenched tight, trying to think unsexy thoughts, when Jensen’s hand cups around the back of his neck and draws him into a kiss filled with passion.

Jared rocks inside of Jensen when he feels it is safe to do so without coming too quickly, their tongues tasting and teasing each other. He pulls out a little farther than before and pushes in with a bit of force, aiming to take it all deeper. Jensen shudders and moans beneath him, wrapping his legs tighter around his waist and drawing him in deeper than imaginable.

“God Jen, have no idea how much I missed you,” Jared breathes between them, hot air hitting Jensen’s lips as Jared switches up his angle and thrusts inside, harder and faster. “Thought about you so damn much I could drive myself insane with it.”

Jensen twitches and nearly keens when Jared hits his spot dead on, arching his back as he grips Jared’s biceps, fingernails leaving crescent shaped indentations in his skin. Jared easily sets a steady pace, alternating between thrusting languidly, and hard, sharp thrusts of his hips that force _that_ sound out of Jensen, one that has every single one of Jared’s nerves igniting and sparking with bursts of pleasure.

Jensen is vocal beneath him, but in that quiet way of his that sounds more like breathy whispers. Jared yearns to make Jensen lose control, to scream and mewl so loudly it threatens to temporarily deafen him. The breathy whispers do strange things to him though, and he’s almost reluctant to try to get any other reaction out of the man beneath him.

With a hand in his shaggy brown hair, Jensen draws him down for a kiss as Jared wraps his large hand around Jensen’s erection, twisting his wrist on each upward stroke and relishing the breathy gasp that leaves Jensen’s lips. Jared jerks him in time with his thrusts, arching his body in pleasurable pain when Jensen’s fingernails scrape down his back, one of his hands sliding around to his chest to rub a nipple with the pad of his thumb and index finger.

The rhythm Jared sets for them suits them both as they rock together, but need and desire soon take hold and Jared increases his pace, pulling back and then slamming in, drawing near identical moans from both men. He relishes the feeling of being cradled by Jensen’s thighs as his lover bears down on every upward thrust of his hips, slamming their bodies together and hitting Jensen’s prostate every time.

“Fuck,” Jensen whispers through ragged pants of breath, body clenching down around Jared as he arches and comes between them unexpectedly with a loud curse and moan of Jared’s name, trembling with the intensity of his climax.

Jared quickly follows him, his orgasm erupting from him in waves of pleasure. It seems to last forever, his every nerve-ending sparking as his eyes clench tight and his jaw gapes open, panting and gasping before he collapses on top of the smaller man. Jensen somehow finds the strength to wrap his arms around Jared’s torso, the fingers of his left hand absentmindedly running through Jared’s sweaty hair.

Jared remains there until he gets his breathing under control and enough strength back to move, pulling gently out of Jensen and flopping down beside him on the mattress, tossing the used condom into the wastebasket beside the bed. Jensen immediately curls into his side, a hand resting over Jared’s rapidly beating heart, and Jared is quick to entwine their fingers as he turns his head to place a soft kiss to Jensen’s forehead.

Jensen lets out a soft, content sigh as he rests his head on Jared’s shoulder, face nearly buried in the crook of Jared’s neck. Jared takes the time to let the moment wash over him, to enjoy the feel of Jensen in his arms once again, to fully appreciate what he has been given.

“I love you,” Jensen speaks up after a long moment of silence and Jared jumps a little at the sound of his voice, not expecting Jensen to say anything. Jensen lifts his head to look at him, eyes bright and emotional. “You know that, right?”

“I do now,” Jared says with an impish grin, but it quickly becomes sincere. “I love you too. I never stopped.”

“I don’t think I ever did either,” Jensen says after a moment of silent consideration. “I just did my best to put you in the past… not sure I ever really succeeded though.”

“Everything is going to work out for us,” Jared says reassuringly, taking instant notice of the worry lines around Jensen’s eyes and mouth. “You’ll see.”

“Yeah, I know it will,” Jensen responds, though to Jared’s ears it sounds like he is trying to convince himself of this rather than actually being sure of it. Jared expected Jensen to still have his doubts - sex doesn’t solve anything - but he is bound and determined to show Jensen that it will work out. If Jared has faith in anything it’s in _them_ and he knows they will be okay; this time around they will get the happy ending they were intended to all along.


	12. Chapter 12

-~*~-  
 **Epilogue**  
-~*~-

  
September 23rd, 2009

The sun is shining brightly in Jared’s eyes when he awakens and finds himself alone in their king size bed. A low groan is released before he can suppress it as he turns over onto his side, away from the blinding sunshine, and he reaches out to touch the sheets where his lover slept. They are still warm to the touch so he knows he hasn’t been alone for too long.

He stretches his body languidly, releasing a long, drawn out yawn before absentmindedly scratching at his belly and tossing the covers off himself. A glance at the clock tells him it is seven in the morning and he knows he won’t be getting any more sleep today. He doesn’t sleep in very often anyway, so he rises from the bed with his usual enthusiasm and pads barefoot out of the bedroom, heading straight into the bathroom across the hall.

He takes a ten minute shower, washing away the evidence of last night’s activities from his body, and heads back into the bedroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Pulling on a pair of blue jeans and a faded grey t-shirt, he heads downstairs and smiles at the sight of Jayden sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. This is still a fairly new sight to Jared, but he doesn’t think it will ever stop being a pleasure.

Jayden smiles around a mouthful of Captain Crunch the moment he sees Jared, and Jared returns it with a warm one of his own as he heads straight to the coffee pot. Pouring some coffee into a mug he turns around to lean his hip against the kitchen counter, inhaling the rejuvenating aroma, feeling it awakening the senses his shower didn’t manage to. Harley sits no more than three feet away, gobbling down his morning breakfast, blatantly ignoring Jared. Sadie is nowhere to be seen but Jared has a pretty good idea where she can be found.

“You almost ready for school Jay?” Jared asks as he pushes away from the counter, taking a step towards the table.

“Yeah… one of the kids in my class is having a birthday party today, her mom is bringing cupcakes for everyone,” Jayden says with the enthusiasm only a seven year old can have.

“That’s good,” Jared responds as he affectionately ruffles the little boy’s hair. “Do you want me to drive you to school today?”

Jayden just nods his head and Jared smiles before leaving the kitchen, heading to the front door. He finds Jensen outside leaning against one of the porch pillars with Sadie lying at his feet, both staring off into the distance. It has been a little over a month since Jared talked Jensen into moving in with him and so far things couldn’t be better. Jared can honestly say he doesn’t remember a time when he has been happier. He has the family he always wanted and there isn’t a day that goes by where he isn’t grateful for that.

Jensen startles a little when Jared wraps his arms around him from behind, but the green eyed man soon relaxes and leans back in his embrace, laying a hand on Jared’s forearm. Jared drops his chin down onto Jensen’s shoulder and they stand like this for a few moments, content with the comfortable silence and the feel of one another.

“Is Jayden getting ready for school?” Jensen asks in a soft tone of voice, turning slightly so his cheek rests against the side of Jared’s head.

Jared hums in response to which Jensen chuckles softly. “Good, I had a helluva time trying to get him out of bed this morning. He’s been staying up way too late; I think we’re gonna have to buckle down on him a little ‘cause that has got to stop.”

Jared feels a rush of warmth flow through him at these words. It still feels good, being included. Jared treats Jayden as though he is his own, and having Jensen discuss even small decisions with him regarding his son makes Jared feel all warm inside.

He had been a little worried at first about what Jayden would think of Jared dating his dad, was afraid he wouldn’t accept him, but it turned out he had nothing to worry about. Jayden accepted him into their close-knit family easier than Jared expected. Sure, in the beginning he had a lot of questions, didn’t quite understand two guys being together, but now he tells everyone that he has two dads and he always says it with a beaming smile.

This never fails to make Jared smile at the fortune he has been given in life; Jayden’s the kid he never even knew he wanted.

Their relationship was slow going at first; Jensen still had his reservations and doubts, but they got through it and they couldn’t be happier. Everything is going smoothly for them, better than Jared could have ever hoped they would. He even met Jenna recently, and she wished them the best of luck, seemed to be genuinely happy for them. She was a nice person, Jared liked her well enough, but the thing that made him truly like her was seeing how she treated Jayden. She may not be around as often as a mother should, but there is no doubt that she loves her son; it is written on her face whenever he walks into a room.

The feel of Jensen’s lips upon his own startles Jared out of his reverie, but he quickly smiles against Jensen’s mouth and returns the sweet kiss.

“Guess I found the best way to drag you out of that head of yours,” Jensen breathes against his lips, chuckling ever so slightly.

“It’s definitely a more pleasurable way, so you won’t hear any complaints out of me,” Jared responds with a playful smirk. “I already told Jayden I’d take him to school today, so I guess I better go make sure he has his back pack ready.”

Jensen nods his head, pressing a chaste kiss to Jared’s lips before pulling away and giving Jared a gentle shove. “Make sure he has his homework too, he’s forgotten it the last couple of days.”

“You’re not working today, right?” Jared asks after saying he will make sure Jayden has everything he needs for school.

“Misha’s watching over the bakery so it’s pretty safe to assume Justin will be there with him most of the day, and the new guy I hired will be there as well so I really won’t be needed.”

“This is the first time we’ve had a day off at the same time in a while. What do ya say we spend the whole day at home, being lazy on the couch and watching bad TV… among other things,” Jared propositions with a naughty smile to get his point across.

Jensen laughs and shakes his head as though amused, but the gleam in his eyes tells Jared that his boyfriend isn’t so adverse to his plans.

 

  
**:0Ж0:**   


 

  
Jared finishes putting the last plate in the dishwasher and turns on the machine before heading out of the kitchen. He has to smile when he finds Jayden fast asleep on the couch, the television showing an old episode of George Lopez on Nick at Nite, whatever cartoon he had been watching long since over.

Walking further into the room he sees that Harley is curled up in the v of Jayden’s legs, sound asleep. This isn’t altogether surprising seeing as though Harley attached himself to the little boy the moment Jared brought him home, just like Sadie claimed ownership over Jensen. Harley looks up as Jared draws closer, tilting his head like the curious pup he is. He doesn’t do anything when Jared takes Jayden into his arms though, he isn’t protective in the way that Sadie is.

 _Thank God for small favors_ , Jared thinks quietly, remembering the time he tried to shake Jensen awake and nearly got bitten by Sadie.

Jayden barely even stirs as Jared takes him to his room, laying him down on the mattress and covering him with the sheet and blanket, tucking him in. He makes sure to turn on the little night light next to the bed, just in case Jayden wakes up sometime in the night, and then he leaves the room, keeping the door open a hair.

“Where’s Jensen?” Jared asks Sadie, who is lying by the front door like she is waiting for someone to come in, and she just stares at him before putting her head back down on the floor, dismissing him.

He knows his boyfriend isn’t anywhere in the house, otherwise Sadie would be following him around like a shadow, so that leaves only one other place he could be. Grabbing a thermos from the kitchen and filling it with fresh coffee Jared heads outside, quickly shutting the door behind him before Sadie can follow him out.

All is silent in the barn besides the occasional sound from one of the horses, but Jared knows where his boyfriend can be found. Making sure he has a good grip on the thermos, he climbs the ladder leading to the loft and finds Jensen sitting on the floor, a far away look on his face. His eyes come back into focus the moment Jared is in direct line of his sight and he smiles softly.

“Did you put Jayden to bed?” he asks as Jared sits down beside him.

“Yeah, he fell asleep on the couch actually, I had to carry him to bed,” Jared responds, smiling just thinking about it. “So now we have the rest of the night to ourselves.”

Jensen grins at this as he takes the thermos from Jared then takes a drink, leaning his body into Jared’s side and resting there. Jared is all too happy to wrap his arms around his boyfriend as he relaxes back against the wall of the barn. All is peaceful and quiet. It is a cool night, but not cold in any way, the perfect night to be spent outside or here in the barn.

“What are you doing out here anyway?” Jared speaks up after a moment, resting his cheek against the top of Jensen’s head.

“I dunno… I mean, we used to spend so much time out here during that summer and now we hardly do at all and I… just felt like coming out here for a while, for old time’s sake,” Jensen responds, shrugging slightly, trying to be nonchalant even though Jared knows him better than that. _He was being nostalgic_ , Jared thinks with a smile growing on his face. “We had some good times up here.”

“I specifically remember my birthday that year,” Jared says, giving a mischievous grin when Jensen looks up at him.

“Yeah… that was definitely memorable,” Jensen breathes, a touch of scarlet on his cheeks.

“It was special,” Jared rebukes firmly.

Jensen blushes a little more but laughs to cover it up, giving Jared a smirk. “You’re such a girl!”

“Shut up, it was! You really made my first time special for me, I’m just… I’m really glad you’re the one I gave my virginity to. I’ve heard so many horror stories, even Sandy regretted her first time… but I never have.” Jared squeezes Jensen closer to his body, laying a hand on his boyfriend’s jean clad thigh. “You were so confident, knew what you were doing, and you were so careful with me… you helped me relax a lot that night. I figured I’d be freaking out the first time but I wasn’t, and that’s because of you. You made me feel so safe and loved… I didn’t know it would feel like that.”

“You wanna know a secret?” Jensen grins a little sheepishly. “I was so fuckin’ nervous that night I think my hands were shaking.”

Jared can’t help but gape at his boyfriend in shock. “Seriously?” he asks, disbelief bleeding into his voice. “You’re serious, you were really nervous? But… you weren’t a virgin…”

“No, I wasn’t, but you were and I was worried I was going to hurt you. I wanted so badly to make it good for you that I think I kind of psyched myself out,” Jensen laughs a little as he says this, looking at Jared from beneath his lashes.

“Well then, I guess you had been worrying for nothing, huh?”

Jensen just grins in agreement before laying his head on Jared’s shoulder once more, right hand unconsciously tracing indiscernible patterns on Jared’s stomach.

“Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to tell you, I talked to my mom the other day and she mentioned Christmas, ‘cause she thinks about things like that way ahead in advance,” Jensen laughs fondly and Jared has to smile because that sounds like Donna. Holidays are a big deal for her, so she is always worrying and planning way before she actually has to. “Anyways, she wanted to know if we’d be able to spend Christmas with them. I said I’d talk to you about it before we made any decisions, just in case you wanted to spend it with your family instead.”

Jared can’t quite explain why this affects him like it does but tears are damn near brimming his eyes and it makes him feel like a wimp. It is just that he never thought he would get the chance to have this, discussing with Jensen whose family they plan to spend which holiday with. It is all he ever wanted, but knowing he has it… it seems like he is constantly overwhelmed by it, wondering if this is some dream he will hopefully never wake up from.

“That sounds great Jen,” Jared says, voice a little choked from emotion. “We can still see my parents around then, we just won’t be able to make it on the actual day.”

“We could spend Thanksgiving with them if you want. I know that’s just as big a deal to your family as Christmas is,” Jensen offers with that beautiful smile on his face, the one that haunted Jared for years.

“Actually I’d kind of like to have Thanksgiving here at home, with just you and me and Jay… _our_ family.”

Jensen lifts his head away from Jared’s shoulder, eyes shining with happiness, and he quickly pulls his boyfriend in for a kiss. Jared returns the kiss, soft and languid, fingers sliding into Jensen’s hair and taking hold. “Yeah, _our_ family, sounds good to me Jared,” Jensen breathes against his lips before kissing him again, just a bit more firmly this time around.

“It’s still kind of hard to believe we’re here, together, after all this time,” Jared says when he pulls out of the kiss.

“Better start believing it Jay, ‘cause I’m not going anywhere.” Jensen responds with a tiny grin as his palm slides around to cup the back of Jared’s neck, bringing their lips together once more as he slowly lowers himself to the floor of the loft, guiding Jared on top of him.

Jared pulls back to look down at the man beneath him, bright green eyes staring back at him with love and desire. “You thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’? Wanna make another memory for this old loft Jen?” he asks, wagging his eyebrows playfully.

Jensen rolls his eyes, but there is a smile on his face as he rolls his hips up into Jared’s, drawing a ragged moan out of the man on top of him. “Now how the hell did you ever get that impression Jay,” he still manages to reply sarcastically.

Jared just grins, all warmth and sunshine, not a hint of a joke in his expression as he says, “I love you Jen.”

“Yeah, I love you too Sasquatch,” his boyfriend replies with a half smile.

He runs his fingers through Jensen’s hair and caresses his fingertips down a freckled cheek. “I’m so glad we’ve been given a second chance to get it right this time, my life was just never the same without you.”

“I guess some people are just meant to be together, soul mates and all that chick-flicky crap… we found our way back to each other, in the end that’s all that really matters,” Jensen responds, eyes soft and warm and inviting. “We’ll get it right this time, I know we will… we’ve been doing fine so far, I don’t see that changing.”

Jared doesn’t bother to speak, just swoops down to capture Jensen’s lips once more. No words need to be spoken anyway, actions speak more loudly. In his kiss he tells Jensen how much he loves him, how grateful he is to have him in his life. Jared is finally happy for the first time in years, once again feeling that rush that he did when he was seventeen, only a little different this time, on deeper level. He has a family of his own to love and protect… life is good.

 

  
**.The End.**   



End file.
